Christmas time and all that brings.

This Christmas I'm more thankful then ever. God has been doing such great things this year for our family. As I sit and think about this past year and actually years past I'm sitting in aw. We have been through so much as a family and we have had quite a bit thrown at us at times that I wasn't sure how we would ever get back up from the floor. From Steve needing knee surgery to wrecking our only vehicle, Trents leg issue, a miscarriage and not succeeding in getting pregnant time after time, financial difficulties that constantly resurface to now being in a completely different place and having a home and having Rylee. I could go on and on about all the bad but we all have bad and mine is no worse then any others. However even in our bad times I know that God is good and he knows the plans he has for me. That actually makes me choke up. God takes care of me....ME?!? I fail daily and I make poor choices and yet I have a God that will never turn his back on me. I also have friends and family that would do anything for me. What a wonderful thing. We have been so blessed. This year Steve made a very difficult decision to take on a new job and move our family away from everything we have grown to love, family, friends, and all our normal surroundings. He wanted to make a new start for us, something fresh. We didn't know what God had in store or if we were actually doing exactly what we should but after much prayer and seeking advice God opened doors. We were really blessed in the past few years by a few people helping us out and I could never EVER thank them enough...my heart is heavy and I tear up thinking about where we are due to the help we have been given.  Now here I am thinking about only how much I have to be thankful for...the good out weighs the bad on any day. We have our health, a roof over our heads and our family. I told Steve recently, as he was struggling to notice all the good while soaking in a pity party we all can get caught up in, that I would live in a box if that's where God wanted me as long as I had my family. I have more then I could ever need and defly more then I ever deserve. 


For the past few years all I wanna do is give back, help those less fortunate or struggling, I don't have a lot to give but I would give the shirt right off my back. Hey isn't that what we're called to do anyways? I can't always give financially and that's not the only way to help people anyways. We now have Rylee and currently we're helping her and her mom by simply being there for the both of them while Rylees mom gets the help she needs. Rylee is the sweetest little girl and while days can be long and stressful as she's teething or just crying for attention this is Gods calling for me and I will rejoice in it. I love having her in our home, even though it's temporary. She smiles and it just brightens your whole day. I love being a foster mom and I can't wait to get another child in our home. Its hard with two but hey lets add 3!!!! Children and Youth recently told me they have been very busy with cases and so I said hey our house is open for another child....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Our house will feel even smaller and our vehicle is not prime for 3 kids, 2 adults and 2 dogs but we'll figure it out as it happens. Let the good times roll, right? Hey if there's a child that needs loving and a family that needs us to take care of their child while they get the much needed help they need I'm here to help. I've always wanted a full house and God is giving me that. I do struggle with something though...what I want others to understand is that fostering is our calling it's not everyone calling and I know as we get more children things could get harder. But as these children are in our home they are our children. We treat them as our own and we would wish that others would do the same. I never want a child to look at Trent and see him get this or that and they are with nothing. As Trent gets gifts this Christmas Rylee will as well. Granted she's 6 months old and doesn't have a clue but when we have a 3 year old or whatever age they will be treated the same as Trent is. I never want a child in my home blood or not feeling like they are less important and having to explain why they don't get what Trent does. So as I'm saying this I'm asking anyone who's giving to Trent to please respect us with this. I know not everyone, family and Friends understands what we're doing but I do ask this. Please only ever give if you are giving for all our children. I know what its like as a child to feel less important then another and it breaks my heart to think someone would want a child who's already struggling with out Mom or Dad and what they were use to feel less important or be sad cause they aren't receiving just the same as another child. That goes for gifts or simply loving...help us love these children for that is exactly what they need the most. 

I'm so excited for this Christmas seasoning and getting together with family and friends and celebrating all the joys in life including the birth of our Jesus. I'm excited to start new family traditions this year in our new home. What an exciting time!!! I hope everyone has a great holiday season. Please remember the true meaning of Christmas and have others be our main focus. Remember not everyone has a great Christmas and lots of people are suffering.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!! 

It's been too long.

Good morning all! I figured it's been quite a while so it's time to blog a bit. 

This day started way to early at 430 with a little girl who decided it was time to be wide awake. Luckily I'm a pretty good morning person it's the night times I struggle with. Rylee has decided lately that she is into crying and being held all the time or she'll cry. And she loves early mornings! We're battling, her need to be held and my need to break her of that bad habit before it gets too bad. The crying though....it goes right through me! Yesterday she was awake from 1 till 6 and I finally said enough and had her battle it out for a half hour of crying till she crashed! That was hard! She's such a sweetie though and her smile just lights you up. Love how bright and early in the morning she smiles away like haha were up =) I love having her in my home and loving her while she's here. Lately Trent's been really struggling with her presence and that's really hard. He wants no connection with her and struggles when I hold her. It's completely heart breaking for me. I want him to adjust and be okay with her here and not be resentful of our decision to bring foster children into our home. Not sure how to help him with this and I think it's started to effect me with Rylee. Trent's my baby and I don't want him to think Mommy loves someone more and not understand why sometimes her needs come first. He wont even acknowledge her and that's hard. If anyone has advice on this please share!!! 

Got word yesterday that Rylee's Mom wants to have phone conversations with us. We were asked if we were open to that and I said yes. It will be nice to break the ice with her mom before our visits with her start and to maybe get to know her a bit. I truly pray her Mom will get it and realize whats she's at risk of losing if she doesn't pull it together. 

So as for other things going on. Today Steve is out hunting. 2 days paid hunting days. What a huge blessing this new job has been for us. Steve's boss truly treats his guys right! I was so worried about Steve having to be off the first 2 days of deer season (they have to be out of the woods due to bullets flying around) cause we can't afford time off unless paid and to our surprise it's paid!!! Another blessing Steve's cousin who has been out of our lives for a few months went hunting with all of them. I know it doesn't mean all is well but it's a step, a simple step that means a lot to me...progress in maybe eventually rebuilding that broken relationship. 

A lot has been on my mind lately. Things completely out of my control and things I need to just hand to the Lord in prayer. I'm not rich and we struggle everyday financially but I'm so blessed, blessed beyond words and more blessed then I could ever deserve. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, food on my table and family and friends that I love. I even have SO many things that I don't need and have simply cause I WANT them! As I look around and see and hear people...my heart breaks. Families, mothers and fathers having to say good bye too early to their precious babies, losing other family and friends too early. Sickness. Job loss. Divorce and all the heart break with that. Families fighting. Unforgiving people. Abuse. Children without homes. Families without homes. Starving people. Today all these things have sorta just consumed me. Some people, including myself some days just don't realize how much we have. I wish so bad I could help more then I do. I wish so many people would realize that regardless of their situations that there is a God that is bigger then all of it and he loves us. Heaven is FOR REAL! God is real and more real then we will ever know if we just turn to and rely on him. Words for myself daily! I NEED him!!! I don't have a lot in my bank account but I would give everything I have to help people. To open peoples eyes to the goodness of our Jesus. Everyday I struggle even with my relationship with God and building it stronger and fully relying on him with everything I have but today my prayer is that I change that and work on it. Trusting him and laying all of my burdens on him. But especially to not be blinded by others needs and to have a heart to give. God is good and I will never doubt that! 

Have a great day everyone!     

Sweet little girl.

Sweet little Rylee. Our first foster child just happens to be a little baby girl. Wow! When we got into fostering I requested 3 1\2 year olds and younger but no babies. And yes I knew how small of a range that was, I just wasn't sure I was ready to foster a baby. This process went SO fast!! When I got the call for Rylee I couldn't say no, it seemed so wrong to even consider that. And let me tell you, I'm SO incredibly glad I didn't. 

What a little sweetheart she is! Rylee is almost 5 months old and such a little peanut. She drowns in 3-6 month clothes at about 12 1\2 lbs. She sleeps all night from about 9pm till 8am. She follows a 3 hour schedule during the day and eats like a little piggy. Ugh! Formula, what a stinky fake milk substance! Ick! But she loves it!! And we just started her on rice cereal and two different baby foods. Doc said it's time! Seems the pediatric association or whatever it is changes SO much on what they recommend as safe...think I'll just follow my instinct! And man does she smile. She is just such a little happy girl and I just can't help but think how sad...her Mom just doesn't know what she has. 

But my heart is heavy today. When we got into fostering we were told that when you get a child its for a minimum time of 6 months but in most cases the child stays a year. Well we of course came across a little girl who has a different situation and we have no clue when she's going back home. Rylees Mom is in state prison. And no one knows when she's getting out, even her parole officer. It could be any day now. And because Rylee wasn't taken from her mom a judge could just request she just goes home. However at this point her mom has no home, no job, and there is no stability. I just find that all very sad. Her mom has 3 other children who she doesn't have and she's been in and out of jail and yet a judge might just say send Rylee back home?! I don't understand and yet it's not my job to understand or make that decision, it's simply my job to take care of Rylee and love on her while she's in my care. Friday Rylee is going to visit her mom and for some reason I'm bothered by that...what a punishment. We have also been asked by Children and Youth if we would be willing to take Rylee to see her mom in jail...scary! And I so wanna say no. I don't think her mom should even have that right. And yet I want to build a relationship with this woman and to do that I need to try. I need to be there and let her see the type of people we are and so I need to put all my feelings a side and just focus on being there for Rylee and her mom. Loving like Jesus loves.   

Can't imagine what our house will be like going back to just 3 of us again. I did tell Children and Youth we're ready for another child, hoping to always have at least two foster children in the house so it doesn't seem so crazy quiet when one leaves. It will defly be sad putting all the baby stuff away again. I do however know that God is in control and his will will be done in Rylees life and ours in whatever way he sees fit. So far this has been a great experience. I'm learning lots about how the system works and figuring out how to deal with a now family of 4.  

I'm back!

Alright alright alright I'm back. Going to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r to catch you all up with our last 2 months or so. 

It's been crazy!!! Lots of sickness, lots of blessings and lots of stress. However it's getting some what back to normal. Thank you Jesus!!!

I'm still recovering from Pmonia which let me tell you, stinks! Trent was sick for about 2 1\2 weeks with pmonia and about the day he was back to normal I came down with the flu. Horrible!!!! Major sweats, aches that made me just about cry, fever at the highest of 104. No energy what so ever!!! I was in and out of the doctors office and med-express. My cough was horrible, to the point where I was throwing up I was coughing so hard. Just absolutely no fun. I was then finally given an xray and was diagnosed with some pretty severe pmonia. During my ordeals I discovered I don't like Codeine, sorta made me crazy! Also discovered what it feels like to have an allergic reaction, also no fun!! The night I was admitted to the hospital they hooked me up to I.V and gave me two different medicines, one of those meds did not agree with me. Started getting itchy, my head felt ridiculous and then my throat started closing. Like I needed one more thing. I have never been allergic to anything...till now! And I can't wait to start getting my medical bills. An EKG, a catscan and 4 xrays and one more in about 2 weeks. Blood work everyday, oxygen, and 4 days in the hospital...yay! The worst part about the hospital was the sitting, I was on oxygen so I couldn't go far from my bed and even if I could I was quarantined due to the flu. It was no vacation. And man did I miss my baby...only ever been away from him for one night so that was pretty horrible. 

I do need to thank two very special people in my life. My parents. I could not have imagined dealing with those few weeks without my mom and dads help. I cannot thank them enough for coming up and taking care of our house and most importantly Trent and Rylee. See the day I was diagnosed with the flu and my parents started their travels to our house, we got a call that Children and Youth were probably going to be getting custody of a 4 month old little girl and they wanted to know if we wanted her. WOW! Perfect timing, right? Ugh! I couldn't say no though! We had nothing for a little girl! And I had no energy to get things ready for her. But who cares we're getting a little girl to care for!!!! Anyways Monday Rylee came and what a sweet heart she is and then Tuesday night I got admitted to the hospital. So I defly needed my mom and dad and so did Steve!!! 

So I was sent home from the hospital on a Saturday. Lots of meds sent home including an inhaler and I was suppose to be taking oxygen but my insurance refused to pay for it! Thanks! So I've had about 4 coughing attacks that took me a bit to get a hold of my breathing but I've been good for days!!! The Monday after I had an appointment for WIC with Rylee. That did not go good. It was so hot in that place I got sick. That short visit took everything out of me I then spent the rest of the day napping! I was convinced I was going to recover from this sickness and quick. I cannot sit around any longer! So Wednesday my mom went home! And since then everyday Ive gotten better and better!!!  

I must say God is good cause through everything that occurred in the last few months I've felt strong. God is holding us high and bringing such kind people into our lives to help us out. And like I said what a blessing my parents are in our lives. I've been frustrated with insurance companies and what they refuse to cover and I can't imagine the medical bills that will be coming for Trent and I and we've yet to get any! So it'll start pouring all at once I'm sure. But I know God will take care of us and each bill will be paid dollar by dollar. 

So I'm recovering and I just thank God for that! I can't imagine being sick on a daily basis and I feel horrible for those that are. I still have a nasty cough but hey I'll deal with that! Life moves on and with two kiddos in the house I gotta keep moving on! 

Random factishes....

HOlly at http://herethereblog.blogspot.com has "nominated" me to participate in this random questionnaire. 

The rules: share 11 random facts about myself. Answer the 11 questions from the blogger that nominated you. Make up 11 more questions and tag five additional bloggers in hopes that this fun little post lives on.

Enjoy.

11 random facts about myself:

1. Not a surprise to most but I LOVE decorating and remodeling. I'm constantly thinking of new ways to redo my house. However my hubby is not into demo so I hold back...A LOT!!! 
2. I love cooking!!! I wanted nothing more then to attend Johnson and Wales after H.S. but I would never cook for a living, its simply a pleasure I enjoy at home.
3. Since our struggle with infertility started years ago I've had a major heart calling to help little children, help better their future and in a way be their voice when they're in a situation that they can't speak for themselves. One regret I have is not pursuing that! Props go to social workers (If schooling wasn't so hard....)....currently love Judging Amy reruns! Thanks Mom!! 
4. Here's one for you....I hate when I order a specialty coffee somewhere and I receive it with the hand protector thingy not in line with the drink hole. Always gotta fix it. I know weird! Bet you'll be checking now :)
5. I totally dislike swearing. I can't stand the Fbomb. Why do movies and cd's or people in general find the need to use this trashy word! I can't even get through a movie or listen to a cd that just throws this word around like it's nothing. 
6. I love My Side of the Mountain. A book I've had in my collection since middle school. 
7. Dirty bathrooms annoy me almost more then anything, hello infection and disease! 
8. I played the piano for 9 years before ignoring it in the corner of the living room. Now it's slowly being forgotten. A regret! 
9. I feel like I'm losing brain cells. Yep! True story! 
10. I'm not a good comforter. I can cook for you, clean for you and send you lovely cards with encouraging words but when it comes to face to face comfort I cringe. Not good with crying. Hoping to get better with that someday. 
11. I've had one love in myself, only been with one man, proud to say that!!! 11 years of marriage and 14 years together in all. Good times, hard times, horrible times and it was all worth it to get to where we are. Love that man!!  
 
Questions from Holly:


Questions for the lucky nominees:  

1. sweet or salty? 

Why not both in one package? Chocolate covered peanuts, my fav!!!

2. What's your least favorite chore/to-do item?

Hands down putting laundry away!

3. Morning person or night owl?

Morning person and ready for a nap around 2 (coffee break time!)

4. What's one of your favorite bands/musicians?

Way to many. Not one favorite over others. Pink, Katy Perry,  Casting Crowns, Third Day, Sara Groves, Usher, Alecia Keys, Randy Travis, David Allan Cole, Garth Brooks, Nickelback (edited), Akon (where did you do???), My list could go on and on. Love music! 

5. Saver or spender?

Oh blasted question!! Spender but only if I'm saving with a coupin!! Horrible at banking!! 

6. What are you reading right now?

And the Mountains Echo

7. What is your favorite season and why?

All of them, they all have such great beauty!!! 

8. Where did you go on your most recent vacation?

Poconos! Beautiful!!!!!

9. If you had one wish what would it be? (wishing for more wishes doesn't count!)

HANDS DOWN TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN!!!!!

10. What's the most recent thing you tweeted?

Tweet? Who does that?!

11. Introvert or extrovert?

Yep I googled this....**sigh** Introvert I'm sure. 

And that's it!! I'm done and not nominating anyone! 

Baby Blues.

Oh the joys of holding a new born baby. How precious. And yet as much as I crave that all it makes me do today is wanna cry. What a wonderful blessing from God....a precious life given to the parents. A joy beyond words. I sit here and I reminisce about Trent and our NICU days and just the whole first year. Constantly cuddling him and holding him and just simply wanting to cherish every single moment. I knew then just like I know now that God blessed us with such a little miracle, our huge answer to prayers and he may just be our only child. Most days I'm completely content with that. I know God answered my prayers then and he has wonderful plans for our family now. I'm so excited for fostering and I know that God has lead us to that. I'm just craving that life growing inside of me, to hold a precious little baby, to nurse, to have that bond again. The "Why's?" I hate going there and here I sit just doing that. Why why why??? Why all those lost embryo's? Why did we have to go through all that for nothing? Why can't I have what so many have so easily?? And yet just as quick as those questions are rolling out I thank God for Trent. So many woman want exactly what I have...just once...a baby growing in them and then to hold. I had that and so I need to just focus on that and continually be thankful for that. But with all that said and while I am thankful I crave a baby. I yearn for a baby. I would go through all the shots again, all the crazy hormones, the sickness, all of it just to have that precious child in my arms in the end. Its just hard some days. Seeing so many pregnant woman, so many new born babies and so many happy faces celebrating in a new life. Being happy for everyone and congratulating everyone and deep inside just being sad it's not me being congratulated. I sit here and just wanna say lets try again. Adopt more embryo's. But that's me and not God talking...and outside of Gods plans for our family I just don't wanna go there. I see my attic full of baby stuff and I still lactaid. Why, why do I lactaid? I keep saying maybe we will get pregnant someday, a miracle, maybe that's why. A sign that doors not closed. I know my God is bigger then anything and through him ALL things are possible so to me I cling to that. Ridiculous I know, because I lactaid I think that door is still open...but hey ALL things are possible and maybe it is a sign. Trent means the world to me and I can't even describe how much love I have for that little boy, he's my world and I would do anything for him. God is SO good to me and why I question the whys I'm clinging to the fact that God knows my heart and he will, in time, answer my prayers in one way or the other and make me content in that. 

$$$

Just a bit of venting......

I really need a money manager. Or a lack of money manager. I'm horrible at finances and before it even comes in its headed out the door and sometimes that is beyond frustrating. I need a budget and I just find it so hard to follow one of those when things are as tight as they are. When you don't have it you don't spend it but when things come up you just don't have a choice. I can't not live and so sometimes things get pushed to the side. I've screwed up our bank account, again! Our new bank apparently doesn't find it a need to notify you of your mistakes and will just allow you to keep making mistakes and going into the negative, it's a "courtesy" they call it. No cut off when you make a mistake and head into the negative. No letter, no call, just charges out the wazoo!!!! I'm so stressed and yet there's nothing I can do. Kick myself and feel stupid and just hope it doesn't take the rest of the year to catch back up. God takes care of us and I feel I just keep screwing it up. He supplies our needs and I'm suppose to be smart enough to manage everything and yet I don't. I get so distracted with day to day things and then my dislike for starring at a screen that tells me where I'm lacking just doesn't draw my attention. Bills bills bills we all have them and the majority of us our in debt and struggle. I know I need to just trust God to take care of us and put it in his hands but I also need to use my head and stop being stupid with what he has given us....time to buckle down and start saying it's okay to stay home and not do anything. Start realizing that my son doesn't need the extras. I try saving, I coupon, yard sale, don't buy new. I skip the dentist and eye visits. We eat out once a week. I try to make everything home made to save there. We have a great life and I thought we weren't spending extra on pointless things but looking out our Quicken account, we obviously need to change something. Nothings cheap and if you don't make an over abundance in a paycheck, it's tight, most of us know how that is. It just stinks sometimes and I need to vent it out. We said when we moved we wouldn't get internet and tv and we did anyways cause we got a decent monthly price but maybe that needs to go anyways. I don't know anymore. Where else to cut costs, where else to save. Thankfully God has provided work for me the end of this week and I'm SO incredibly thankful for that. I'm not the only one in this boat, most of us are. I just wish I new where to help things get better, where to cut back. More then anything I just need to trust God, stay on top of my bank account and that's all I can do. And Make sure I'm using my head!!! 

Lancaster County...I'm here.

I've decided to stay. Yep! Got here last Monday, arrived with my parents who had been visiting with us. Was here all week and then Steve arrived Thursday night. Now I've decided to stay. My Dad has an electrical job to start Friday and either it was stay or drive home and turn around and come back Thursday. Yeah seemed like to much so I decided just to stay. Its going to be a long week though, already miss Steve and our home. Hoping and praying it goes quick! Had such a great weekend though! Started Thursday night with our weekly game night with my Grandparents, uncle and parents. Then Friday night Steve and I had a date night, we were missing that since we moved, and then our Cousins Tommy, Mae and Jeremiah drove down from Elk County and met us at the fair to check it out. Trent also had a great night Friday night. His first sleep over!!! He had a great time with Aunt Jeanette, Uncle Scott and Daniel. I'm SO glad he got to do that!! Saturday was a busy day. We took Tommy, Mae and Jer to check out the Mennonite Mall, Weavers Market, Shady Maple (Steves free birthday meal!!) and then we got ready for our party. 46 people came!! Thanks to everyone who came and made the night fun catching up and such. But holy moly we had food left. I kept thinking we just wont have enough, we just wont. More people kept saying they were coming. Anyways an over kill for sure! Now here it is Monday morning and I'm excited that yesterday our friends Brent and Sonya had their little boy Jase, I can't wait to hold him and I'm glad I'm here to be able to do so!!! Not sure what the next few days will hold but the weekend will be busy with a craft show my moms in and my friend Tiffy is moving!! And of course there's work which will absolutely kick my butt!!! So not use to physical labor anymore and I'm sure when I get home I will be sitting numb on the couch. Anyways, a sore back and a sick little boy makes for a lazy Monday which is fine by me. Just wanna say that what a great weekend it was with great people and the great relationships we have! 

Prayer for our family of 3 and counting......

I just wanted to ask for prayer for our family. We have such an urge in our hearts to fill our house with children to love. But we want this to be about what God wants for our family and not what we want. Steve came home the other day after hearing a commercial on the radio and got on Adopt Pa kids and was drawn to a family of 3 who are coming up for adoption. He made the call. We've yet to hear back from anyone but I just want prayer for us. The family is 3 children. A 3 year old little girl and 4 and 5 year old boys. A full house it would be. My heart isn't drawn to this right now but I don't want to close that door because of my wants. I still want a baby....I'm struggling closing that door for us and I just don't know if God wants that door closed and my heart opened to other children instead. Its SO hard to know where we're being lead. I also still want to foster and with 4 kids in the house that would be out of the question. I don't know...like I said we need prayers. Steve is really drawn to the family of 3 so I need God to open or close doors hard! 

Prayer appreciated!!!

Hair Day!

Hair Day.....

Today I made a much needed hair appointment. Its been since March since I've done anything with my hair, even a simple trim. I hate spending the money and more then that I hate taking time out of my day to just sit and think about all the things I could be doing. I also can't stand paying someone to screw up what I ask for. But today I went, picture in hand of what I was requesting. Love love love my new color. I decided on side bangs and the picture I had looked amazing for them. Then she cut my hair and styled it completely different then the picture. I don't get it! Why can't I find a hair stylist that makes me happy?!! So I came home to fix my do a bit and pin my bangs back. 

Not even close to the same style! 

And I guess I'm just not good at things in my face so the bangs ended up bothering me. So I pulled them back. Much better. 

Hoping after playing with it a little I'll get use to it and like it but it's a huge change so it'll take time. 

Maybe I should just go back to school. Cosmetology school and learn to do hair myself. 

Tuesday....and the Rice family of 3 and counting.

It's Tuesday!! 3 more days till my Mom and Dad come to visit. I'm SO excited!!! Their coming up Friday then going to the PennState game Saturday, staying till Monday and then Trent and I will travel home with them and stay for the week. The fairs in town back home and I can't wait!!! 

For today though...
Trents at school and I'm sitting here deciding how crappy I feel right now. Haha. My allergies are giving me a run this morning and my ears are very icky making me feel motion sick...love it!! Oh well such is life....moving on. 

35 degrees this morning. Brrrrrr. But I love fall!!! Beautiful scenery with the leaves changing colors and the Mums or Pumpums as Trent calls them...no clue why! Love the decorations and the pumpkin pie candles to smell up the house. What a wonderful time of year, just again reminds us all that God is here everywhere and in everything. 

Hoping for a productive day and that maybe at least half my to do list will get accomplish, we'll see. I love school days and having some relaxing time to myself and even just some time to get things done without a little helper by my side. Things seem to go SO much faster!!! The dogs at least need baths so that's on the top of the list! Oh and I just mixed meatloaf up for dinner, Ritz crackers, some oats, 2 eggs, ground turkey and beef, carrots, celery, onion, ketchup and worcestershire  That with corn from the cob and mashed taties...yum! 

Tonight a person with the Child Safe Kit is coming over to set us up with a kit for Trent.  They do finger printing, medical checks, picture, have all your phone numbers, addresses, any important info needed in-case of an emergency...God forbid anything every happened. I'm excited to see what all is included in the free kit. If you have kids you should sign up...free!!! 

Guess Windstream will be stopping by as well cause our internet NEVER works!!! And our phone is full of static! How can our modem and our phone be bad already??!! Just annoying and another thing to take $$$ 

Before I end this post I just wanna give an update on Foster care. 2 of our papers have yet to come back, one referral got lost in the mail and so a new one was sent out and my Child History Clearance was lost as well. So those 2 papers were put on rush. However we have been approved and if a child comes into the system we will be getting a call!!! I'm SO excited and I just can't wait to see what child and family God leads into our lives!!! 

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!! God bless! 

A letter to my Dad.

A letter to my Dad

Dear Dad. I have been and always will be a Daddy's girl. You mean the world to me and when I think about all you've done for me and our family I am beyond blessed. God truly picked out the perfect Dad for me. From working hard to supply our needs and wants and holding a huge weight on your shoulders when work just wasn't flowing in and not knowing when another job was coming in. And you never let us feel that burden just always had a smile on your face. I have so many incredible memories that I have stored in my little treasure box and I could never thank you enough for all those memories. I just hope that someday Trent will look back and be able to have a memory box just as full and will be filled with as much joy as I am thinking back at all the great times I had growing up. I have always put you on a pedestal, you have been and always be my hero. Through the struggles I've seen in your life and facing them along the way sometimes right there with you and watching you over come them striving to be a better man, father and husband. God has been doing a great work in you. You've showed me that while we are not perfect and we make mistakes it's about correcting them, seeking forgiveness when needed and moving forward seeking to do the right thing. I strive to have a marriage like you and mom. Putting Steve's needs before my own. Seeking God first because if I don't nothing else will fall into place. 

Dad when I look at you with Trent I just have an overwhelming joy inside of me. My little boy has the best Pop Pop ever!! You mean the world to him! He is so blessed to have you in his life and to be able to have started a treasure box already filled with memory's with you. Another amazing blessing!! 

We worked together for 12 years, 12!! We survived 12 years working together!! Haha...wow! You taught me so many great things in the electrical, plumbing, home remodeling field and while many things slip my mind cause I have Martha Stewart stuff on my mind. I'm thankful that you allowed me to work with you. You paid me beyond what I deserved because you wanted me to prosper when you did from our work and that's awesome and I'm thankful for that and how you showed me your appreciation for me and my work skills all the time. I'm a hard worker and I owe that to you and for you teaching me that it's all about working hard at all times cause your doing it to please God. Thank you still for allowing me to come home and work when work is available and have extra money for our family even when work isn't in an over abundance. Your willing to help me out as much as yourself. Much appreciated I hope you know that! 

I'm spoiled and I've always known that. And sometimes it's hard to realize that since I've moved I just don't have you right there for all my different wants. My little to do lists so to speak. I'm blaming you for that! Haha! Guess I'm a big girl now so I've gotta learn to take care of myself, or hope Steve will at least read my to do list and maybe contemplate starting something. Who am I kidding that list will be waiting for you on your next visit....when are you coming again?! 

Dad I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten everything you've done and still do. All the memories. 

This song takes me back to my child hood and reminds me of all the great memories. The times you brought home things for my playroom like that old cash register, our little play house shacks at the farm house in Denver, our tree houses you built, four wheelers, pools, our awesome game room at Durlach, snowmobiling in Maine, Disney World, camping, all the great family times with the Hildebrand family, indoor water fights, food fights, the huge iguana you did in the sand in Myrtle Beach,  bike rides, playing basketball, youth group events, supporting me in sports, my wedding, Trents birth, the cruise, the camaro, game nights, there is just SO many memories, too many to list them all. 

(Spoiled)

With all that said I hope you understand and know how much I love you and appreciate you.  You've helped make me into the woman I am today. 

Now go Take 5 

A little piece of you....died and it's gone....But God is still here and he is good and has a reason through all the tears.

The heart heartache so many know nothing about. Infertility......

Here I sit this morning thinking about what I crave the most, more children and yet I'm content. Content, actually truly content. I've shed the tears, I've cried out to Jesus and I've finally come to a place in my life where all I can do is be thankful. Thankful for God allowing me to be pregnant one time. To carry a baby, feel them inside of me, feel those precious little kicks inside my belly. Something every woman craves. I had that! And for that all I can be is beyond thankful!! I don't understand why some people have it SO easy, BAM and their pregnant! Seems SO incredibly unfair! And people who don't even appreciate it at all...or so I think. People willing to just throw that all away. And here me along with so many other woman are just crying out for that! We had a successful pregnancy and we have our little Trent, our miracle. 

The story continues....

A year after Trent was born I was ready to start again, actually truthfully I was ready the day after he was born. He was such a miracle and while pregnancy was rough I loved every bit of it and the miracle of giving birth? I wanted it all again. BUT I waited ;) But then it was time and we started the process again. Medications, shots, trips to Hershey...all the fun stuff...blah! What a horrible end of summer that was though! First implant didn't take. Why God is all I wondered, why? At that point I don't know if it was just me and my desire to have another baby so bad and I wasn't listening to what God was actually telling me or what but anyways I continued my meds and wanted to try another round. Sometimes when you want something so bad all you hear is go go go and maybe along the way I should have seen road blocks, I don't know. At that same time we were dealing with Trent having leg issues and Steve having knee issues and losing days of work. It was Aug maybe pushing September and we had an appointment with Hershey Orthopedic pediatrics for Trent and I scheduled a pregnancy test that same day so we had just one Hershey run. Steve ended up having off that week due to knee pain and swelling. Anyways the night before our appointment we got in a car accident after leaving Steves Mom's birthday party...geesh that was the start of the down fall of things. Our truck was undriveable! . Yep! And come to find out we didn't have rental insurance in on our car insurance, lesson learned there but the hard way of course. Anyways that was a complete mess all in itself. Steves brother Dan at that time was in Florida and had an extra vehicle we could borrow for the week till we figured things out, Thank you Jesus! So we continued on to Hershey in the morning. First we had my appointment and got my blood drawn and headed to Trent appointment. He needed xrays on his leg and ugh to hear your baby cry fighting staying still was no fun at all, thankfully Steve was there to help. As we're at that appointment getting news that Trent's right leg turns in and it's something that time can heel or he could need surgery in the future I got the call from my Doctor. I was pregnant!!!! BUT my hormone levels were very very low and it doesn't look good, they think it's an Ectopic pregnancy. What a horrible day to say the least.  I wanted to just fall to the ground. How much more could I take? But that wasn't the end of things. Steves knee that day just kept getting increasingly worse. He couldn't put any pressure on it and it was in a lot of pain. In the morning we had left for Hershey and it was raining and there was flood warning, well till all our Hershey appointments were through it was flooding!! Bad!!! Roads were covered! Over the loud speaker they said they were no longer letting cars in and out of the Hospital\offices....great! Yeah that wasn't stopping Steve, no way we were camping out there! So we got in the car and headed out the road. Cars were stranded every where from flooding. Scary! So wishing we had our truck and yet we did it, slowly and carefully we pushed through the water. In and out of every possible direction back tracking numerous time. Stopping for drink, pee breaks and food. What a mess! Roads were packed with people!! No where to go! what normally takes 45 minutes took us 3 1\2 hours to get home. However we didn't head home, we headed straight to the hospital close to home. Steve was in that much pain and his knee was that swelled we had no choice. And the mess continued....come to find out Steve needed surgery. I on the other hand had to make trips to Hershey twice a week before switching over to a doctor closer for them to twice a week tell me my numbers were coming down...basically the baby was dying. That's how I took it! I was slowly miscarrying! Nothing like an absolute heart break! No one can prepare you for that heart ache and the worse part of it for 2-3 weeks I had to continue going for blood work till it completely worked through my system. Broke my heart hearing those numbers every week. Some where in my head I just thought because my God is bigger then this he will just perform a miracle and my numbers will just soar the next visit. They didn't and I was broken...broken. Why? Why did I even get pregnant? Why did God do this to me? Why would he give me something and just take it back? How can you have so much joy one second..your pregnant...and be crushed the next? ITS JUST UNFAIR!!!! A miscarriage is something no one understand till they go through it. You just wanna say get over it, move on! Its not that easy. You had something living in you, a little miracle from God, a little life. And now its gone...gone! For us with fertility issues we can't just start over, just go and get pregnant again. As I sit here writing this that little ball in my throat is just swelling up as I write all this down, reliving those feelings. What a rough time. Tears just came so often. I struggled even going out cause I didn't want eyes looking at me in sympathy, feeling bad for me. And yet the hardest part was getting no sympathy from people I thought it would come from. No cards no emails no letters...nothing. And yet others were there for me in every way they could be. It was so hard from then on being around all the babies and pregnant ladies. Why, why not me? As the days went on I packed up all my medications and packed them away...I needed time to heal, emotionally and physically. Where was God leading our family, what was he trying to tell me? Was this all about me and my wants and I was ignoring the person I needed to be listening to the most? I knew then though that at that point things were rough all around finances for us, Steves knee injury, Steves cousin who he was so close to was in a major logging accident, with life flight and all, right when Steve was in the hosptial with his surgery and infection recovery. So many events in such a small amount of time and it just really makes you think. What is God wanting me to get out of all of this? I believe, more then anything, through all of it I need to be thankful, thankful for such a powerful God, one that loves me more then anything and takes care of me when I least deserve it. I never felt alone....I knew that regardless of our struggles and my heartache that He was there and he was carrying me when I couldn't walk anymore. 

The Man in my life.

                     The man in my life 

Today I would like to say how thankful I am for my husband. We've been together since I was 17...wow! A long time! 14 years! We've been through it all. He's truly an amazing man. Of course we have our ups and downs and he is SO opposite of me that of course we can battle. He's got a heart of gold and yet doesn't show it often do to his hard exterior. He's a jokester and his emotions all come out through that. Some people don't get him and don't appreciate his sarcastic attitude. I however know it's who he is and how he handles life.  He is wonderful to me and always wants to give me exactly what I want and need even if he can't always do that. He works so hard, does whatever he needs to supply our needs. I'm SO proud of his courage to start a new job and move our family. I know he had tons of fears in making the move and he prayed hard about the decision to do so. He always supports me in anything I wanna do and he shows me everyday how much of a wonderful Mom he thinks I am to Trent. He allows me to be a stay at home Mom cause he know that's what I truly want and I'm beyond thankful for that. With 11 years of marriage of course things have changed and it's SO incredibly hard to have that lovey dovey relationship we use to have and crave SO much again. I know we need to work hard at that. Making time for each other, date night, cuddling on the couch, kissing at each pass by, holding hands, showing love in everything we do and letting the other know how loved they are at all times. A marriage should always be a work in progress as things change and they're always changing. Also Steve is an amazing Dad. I tear up just thinking about the first moment he laid eyes on Trent and how you could just see him fill up with love for our little boy. 

So thankful to God for this amazing man in my life.  

One of those days.

Yes this is how I'm feeling right now. One of those days I guess. Feeling a tad overwhelmed and stressed out. Sorta maybe even just emotional. My allergies are horrible...I don't get it! I take 3 different medications (MucinexD, Nasonex, and Zyrtec) on a daily basis and yet every morning it takes everything in me to get up and get moving. And yes I know that its completely nothing compared to real medical issues people suffer from, I'm lucky! 

 Anyways then I went over our bills and banking and that made me just close the laptop and run away...haha...literally!!! Think I'll just keep running from that one and just say avoidance is the key. I frustrate myself all the time with that. I'm horrible at banking. I screw up our banking every other week probably. I figure in my little head if I just keep avoiding looking at the balance it just doesn't exist and then when I do finally check it I'm kicking myself over and over again for my screw ups and yet never learning my lesson. See when you have no money whats there to keep checking, right? Hey God is good and he takes care of our family and we have everything we ever could need and to me that's all that matter...why stress about the rest! 

Then I go run errands and my one stop was the pharmacy and of course my insurance doesn't wanna cover my one prescription. Guess I should be thankful though. Up till this point our new insurance has never given me a problem and with being on two very expensive medications (Nasonex and Nexium) and not having to fight with them monthly about it I should be happy. But today I just want my medication. My face has been breaking out for whatever reason lately and I just want my cream to make it stop and nope can't get it! THANKS!!! Pay out with discount cards $105......

On to the grocery store. Elk County Foods is the closest choice and also the expensive one. I'm rolling my eyes in irritation with that. When moneys tight and all I need is a few things running 20 minutes to Walmart seems like such a total waste in gas and yet when I see the prices I'm paying at the nearest store I'm again kicking myself! My butts pretty sore today from all this kicking!!! But hey they bag your groceries, load the cart and load your vehicle then so I guess that's a win! 

Then lets talk about my major struggle lately, the thing I've been hiding. Since we've moved to Elk County I started smoking again.(Its been over 4 years since I quit, 4!!) Not everyday or through out the day, maybe 1 or 2 here and then 4 or 5 there. I don't buy them for myself or keep them on me during the day. KICK KICK KICK!!!! I'm totally disappointed in myself cause I said I would never do it again...it's dirty and gross and not to mention stinky and just something I never wanted to do in front of my son. Yes I'm tearing up just thinking about this. What a disappointment.....I keep saying well it doesn't control me it's just something to do socially or whatever but today, today it's all I want just to calm my nerves. UGH!

Trent seems to be a mess as well today and when my normally good little boy is having a rough day we battle each other a bit. I'm sure today it's the vibes I'm sending out that's setting him off but off to a nap he went! Its nice to know I can some what control the chaos in this house. Cranky not listening little boys can find their bed instead of sending my house into a nut house! 

So with all that and my dogs having allergy issues and a fear of fleas I'm just a tad overwhelmed and wishing it was bed time. I've gotta absolutely nothing done today and yet this day is flying right past me. Thank you Jesus for coffee !! 

Hoping everyone else is having a WAY better day then me and yes I realize my day isn't actually that bad but I'm having a nice little pity party for myself right now so just humor me a bit! 

Rice Family of Three and Counting.

 And the story continues....

After the implant we were sent home to wait out a two week period till we returned to Hershey for our pregnancy test. What a long two weeks! Guess we were pretty much the only couple ever that actually waited and never once took a home pregnancy test...we didn't know or even think about it. Just thought it would be too soon to show up on one of those. Anyways we were pregnant!!! WOW! We couldn't even believe it, so surreal! What a miracle and blessing from God. All things are truly possible through Christ! 

So my shots still had to continue and every other week or so I returned to Hershey for an ultra sound to make sure everything was coming along just fine. Not sure at what week I was in my pregnancy but one day I started bleeding and cramping and my worst fears came crashing down on me. How scary! All I could do was cry thinking the worst. Got an emergency appointment for the next morning at Hershey and after much prayer all was well, but geesh! Then more fun began....

3 months of sickness. Didn't even try getting out of bed till around 11a.m. Sick every morning..ugh! Constantly reminded myself what a blessing every moment of the pregnancy was, regardless. Sickness, 30 lbs of weight gain on the shots alone, major acne, sinus\allergy issues everyday with no real medication option to choose from during pregnancy, heart burn all the time, moody, emotional, and man did I get huge!! Pretty sure I just hurt all the time, feet, back, pelvic, boobs, and man did those stretch marks itch!! Love how nothing prepares you for that! Thanksgiving 09 I swelled up, my feet and my legs. 

Couldn't even wear my own shoes, had to go out and buy velcro clog type shoes that could expand with my swelling. With all the above all I could constantly do was be thankful! Who would have ever thought I would be pregnant! Again and again I say God is SO good!!! 

My due date was Feb 28th 2010. But to our surprise Trent didn't like that idea. 5a.m on January 21st my water broke. 5 1\2 weeks early. I had NO idea what was going on and I was scared! To me I couldn't stop peeing!! We called in to Womans and Babies and they said to head right in. To my surprise my blood pressure was through the roof and they diagnosed me with pre-eclampsia. How scary to have no clue something was wrong and now to be put on all kinds of drugs. They wanted to induce me and with that wanted me calmed down and relaxed so insisted on drugs. Oh man! No fun!! I was in and out of it and sick, SO sick! I was a hot mess, not one of those girls that was just ready for every Kodak moment during birth.So as things progressed through out the day it came time for them to suggest an epidural  I didn't want one but they said for my blood pressure to stay down they highly recommend it, so guess what? Whatever it takes for a healthy baby I'll do it! The anesthesiologist came in to give the shot and it took him 3 times to get through my swelled back...not cool! From there things went fast and 8 p.m it was time to push. 3 pushes, that's all it took, 3!!! Trent was ready to meet his Mommy & Daddy <3

Our little miracle baby was born. 5lb.7oz and more beautiful then anything else in this world. 

A busy life.

Well here I sit after running out of things to do with canning and freezing and still feeling like I have energy to burn, so I think I'll just write to you.

What a week so far back in Lancaster county. Got here Sunday night and while on the drive home received a phone call from my Mom saying they were on their way to LGH that my Grandma was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Freaked me out, what was going on? And yet at the same time I was thankful that I was on my way! About 45 minutes from the hospital. Trent and I stopped to eat and before we ate I just prayed that Grandma was okay. I love my Grandma to death! I feel we have a great relationship and I know since we've moved she's really been struggling with us gone and not having that close relationship with Trent and I. From Harrisburg to Lancaster my Dad called saying they were leaving the hospital and that Grandma was ok. See my Grandma had a brain tumor and since she's had seizures but has been on medication to control them. Sunday she was light headed, had blurry vision and just felt like a seizure was approaching. A huge fear for her is another tumor and so she was scared and nervous and freaking herself out. Her blood pressure was through the roof. So after running some tests the doctors found that her medication was low and needed upped so she was sent home with a prescription. Thank you Jesus she was okay!!!

After getting here to my parents I made plans with my aunt to make a Costco run Monday. So Sunday night I stayed up to 12 researching price tags! I'm a freak for a deal!! I went through each item I wanted and compared prices to Walmart down to the penny!! Took about two hours. Anyways I was so excited for my savings!!! Normally while its usually cheaper to buy bulk I can't afford to spend the extra money week to week but I  knew I was working three days this week so hey why not?!! Yeah Monday night our job got cancelled.....anyways....isn't that just the way things go?! Not only did our job get cancelled but Monday Steve got word from his boss that he was going to be off till Friday due to scheduling issues. NICE!! Thanking God for the one day of over time Steve had last week, we deftly needed it now! So we went to Costco. After there lunch and got home with an hour to spare before heading right back into Lancaster for Rice Grand kid pictures. Now that was interesting!!! Two babies under 6 months, one 1 year old, a one in a half year old, three year old, two four year olds, a seven year old, nine year old and a sixteen year old...all makes for an interesting picture time! By the end there was three crying children! But what a good time!!

Tuesday was the start of the canning/freezing frenzy! 75 POUNDS of tomatoes! Peeled, cord and canned for paste, sauce, juice, whole tomatoes and soup. I love home made stuff! From food to cleaning products! Love saving money and doing everything myself! I am picky though! If it cost more to do it at home I won't do it! For example I priced out corn one year and its more expensive to freeze it at home then buy it at Walmart for .89 cents a bag. Yes it's WAY more yummy BUT I can't afford that! So anyways we started at 9:30am and I finished at 11pm.

Today my day started around 9 with finishing jarring 6 pints of tomato sauce. Then I mixed up three batches of muffins. Zucchini, zucchini berry, and banana apple. Baked them, froze them, then bagged them. Next we mixed up 6 batches of cookie dough. 2 chocolate chip, 2 chocolate peanut butter chip, and 2 drop sugar. Then we scooped dough on trays, froze it and then bagged it for using when needed. In between all that I started a roast for a yummy dinner of roast, mashed Taters, brown buttered noodles, gravy, and fresh corn from the cob. We then went on to game night!!! Best part of the day! Spending time with my Grandma and uncle!! Yummy snacks, dice and laughs!! What a good day!

Tomorrow I'm suppose to go home. However since I've been here its been go go go and I've yet to see my best friend. I miss our girl time and I just refused to go home without seeing her for another month. This week has just flown by and I feel like I'm just not ready to leave yet!!

As I sit here in bed getting irritated with what I feel is the biggest waste of money...our Ipad! And I don't even wanna go there with starting my rant about that! Okay I'll go there, it's been 5 days since I started working on this post and now I'm back at it on my laptop. Love my laptop and curse that Ipad! Couldn't scroll down! Pathetic!! Anyways....

So its Monday. Labor day and today was my first day in over a week I could just sit and relax, boy was I thankful for that. Finished off my week last week with the Mall, Petsmart, B&N, Dinner with my friend Tiffany, yardsaling and my drive home. Got home and then Saturday first thing in the a.m. prepared home made macncheese and stewed tomatoes and blackbottom cupcakes for a cook out later in the day and then we went canoeing. Sunday we did church and then a flea market, dinner at Tommy & Mae's and then bowling. WOW! I'm re-exhausted just thinking of all the busyness of last week! And yet so thankful for all the wonderful things in my life! God is good!!!