Who I am.....

When I became a mom 8 years ago no one warned me about "mommy brain" and how very much I would feel through the years like I have very much so lost my mind. "Mommy brain" is crazy!! And it's real!! I lose my keys because for some reason I insist on having the biggest purse possible to store all the items I feel needed through out the day....I search and search and search while growing more and more anxious that I will be sitting somewhere waiting for a ride to bring me a set of keys and I typically have the "spare set" sitting in the consul of the vehicle. In one case my "lost" keys were still in the running vehicle while I'm shopping in the grocery store. (insert eye rolling emoji). I forget to turn off lights in a vehicle I didn't need to turn them on because they "automatically" come on and yet my controlling side tells me I have to do that myself and do so to not turn them off. 40min from home and freaking out because my Dad can't come save me and I have to figure this out on my own....Big Girl Panties. I never pump gas in the vehicle on time, the gas light is the warning that sometime soon I better find a gas station but I totally have tons of time....until I don't and I'm pumping 30.2 gallons in a 30 gallon tank and thanking Jesus we made it!!! I forget or run late to every.single.appointment because A. I never remember to look at the calendar and the multiple 'post it's' I've made for myself or B I think I have all the time in the world and never do. Then add in I can't find my keys and we have no gas and that's my life. I run around like a chicken with it's head cut off because I'm late and flabber gasted and know I'm forgetting something and trying frantically to remember what that is while forgetting what I'm suppose to be doing at that moment because I'm concentrating so very hard on the forgetten thing. UGH!!!! Two Sunday ago I showed up at church so excited to teach Sunday School with these cute little home made cut out cookies of the ten commandments to find out I had class the Sunday before.....I've gone grocery shopping and went to check out to realize I didn't have my purse OR a card on me at all to pay!!!! Very thankful my daughter works there and could pay my bill! I hate the grocery store and going out in public to shop in anyway. I get so excited to go and instantly get overwhelmed after arriving and therefore hurry myself along and forget everything on my list and finding myself back in the store the next day. I am beyond thankful for Amazon Prime and any other online shopping that keeps me in the 4 walls of my home. I can't wait for our closest Walmart to offer PU for grocery orders!!!!

A few things you may not know about me other then learning how lost I am most days. I love being a mom, it's the most rewarding and non rewarding job all at the same time. I love caring for my family. I love doing laundry, vacuuming, doing the dishes, cooking, and doing them all to the best of my ability, because God gave me this awesome opportunity to be a SAHM and I wanna do it well. Everyday I feel like I'm living a dream and I'm this 12 yr old girl just playing house. So weird and yet true and I'm wondering when I will wake up. I could very well be a hermit. I love the 4 walls of my home and staying right here. I am not a social butterfly and find it very easy to simply stay away from people and activities. I love chatting with people but the thought of putting myself out there and starting up a conversation scares me to death. I walk around public places looking all directions incase I need to avoid someone and a conversation....not because I don't like the person but because my list of things to talk about consists of the current weather....awkward. My anxiety sky rockets when I think about being around people I will need to convers with, again, not because I don't like people but because I have NO clue what to say to people....I go completely blank. I walk around with a stern face because I'm always thinking of a thousand things, like my missing keys, lost cards and what I could say to someone encase I am approached that I know I look like the most unkind person EVER! I swear to work on this and it's being written on a 'post it' as we speak so I can remember to do just that. I love tattoos, piercings (24 at one point) and skulls about as much as I love Jesus. I call it classy with a side of trashy. I love saving money, coupons, sales, etc. Nothing excites me more then a deal but I will not buy it if I don't need it right away. My husband insists on stocking up on items we use a lot of so it's on hand and it drives me insane because I don't like spending money now on something I wont use for a few weeks. And every six months I do a run down through the house to rid the house of items we haven't touched. I can't stand not having an afternoon break, it ruins my day. I'm a baby about this. I do not adjust very easy to a change in my daily schedule, unless I decide on that change. Anything that disrupts my "normal" causes me days and days of tiredness, and chances are it follows with a cold of some kind because I've now run myself down. Which is usually why after we get a placement you will find me sick. I've always been this way my mom says, high school I was out sick a lot due to any change of my schedule. Another fun fact, I skipped school A LOT in high school....shhhhhhh don't tell my kids. I almost didn't graduate and it's why I'm extremely hard on my oldest to finish and finish well....those horrible transcripts will follow you the rest of your life. Another fun fact....Johnson and Wales was my college dream, Chef's Choice. But God had other plans for my life and I'm okay with that. I worked construction for 12 years and I LOVED it!!! Bet you can't even remotely picture that. I love the smell of used books and thinking of all the people who have read and enjoyed them before me. I never don't have shoes on....my kids and husband take their shoes off at the door at my request and yet the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is put on a pair of comfy socks and shoes. I can't stand not having shoes on....I blame my bad feet and back. I hate to hear people eat cereal....the slurping of milk drives me nuts....not to mention I hate milk!!! ICK!!!! I make my bed every single morning because I fully believe it sets the standard for my day. I hate brushing my teeth...hate it! I gag every single time and it makes for a horrible time. Another fun fact I brush my teeth in the shower. I played piano for 9years and I fully believe because I didn't use that talent God may have taken it from me...I have stage freight. I can't stand dedicated days to myself, or any kind of focus on me. Birthdays, Mothers Day, Valentines day. I would rather skip those days. I get to be a nervous wreck, not sure why but I truly would prefer to just not make a big deal. Well I guess that list could go on and on because I'm a rather picky person with lots of corks and add that to a very controlling personality which I fully blame on my Grandmother who I love dearly...yep this is me, take it or leave it. I stumble, I fall, I have so many short comings, God is deftly still working on me and I'm beyond thankful for that.

{If you are an English major or you are super good at identifying all the amazing grammar mistakes I've made and continue to make, good for you! That would be a side of me I don't care to work on. Usually I never proof read anything I write till after the fact and then my husband so graciously points out all my mistakes....yay!}

See I'm lost most days, and people probably find me a bit crazy. I overload my plate and think I can conquer everything and do it all and in the process I'm losing my mind and LOVING EVERY SINGLE moment of it!!!! I call it organized chaos and it's my wonderful, AMAZING life!!! I'm picky, and controlling, I'm hard on my kids, I expect greatness, I believe when you make a mistake you own it and make it right, don't make excuses, don't complain, if you wont fix something. I heat my house to 74 degrees and yet can't sleep at night without having the bedroom at igloo temp. I want another baby so bad and that in turns means I'm hoping one enters the system and yet I pray that family that was torn apart can then pull it together and get that child back. Confusing much?! This is me and I'm real and raw and most people don't get me and that's okay. I believe God blessed me with the good, the bad, and the ugly and knew I could do it BECAUSE of Him! Everything that makes me ME is because of where I've been and the road I've walked and I was never alone and I will never be alone. My Jesus Loves me and because of Him I can do crazy and I can wake up everyday to conquer whatever is thrown my way and I will continue to pray that I will one day not be so lost and flabber minded and looking like a fool.

Yep this is me and my CrAzY Awesome, Amazingly Blessed Life! 

The good, the bad, and the "we're surving".

One thing we rest assured in, God called us to foster. He guides. He leads. He keeps us focused on the task at hand. To LOVE LOVE LOVE.

From the good times, the bad times, the absolutely are we even surviving times, He gets us through.

We love our big family, we love making all these kiddos happy and helping raise them into strong healthy children of God. Day to day we tend to question are we succeeding or are we making things worse? However, at the end of the day love shines through and we encourage each child to understand tomorrow is another day, a fresh start, new beginnings. God gives us that, forgiveness, love and an understanding that whatever happened today is behind us tomorrow, always striving to do better, be better. Something Steve and I try to focus on is where these kiddos came from and how they are doing now. Is it great? No. Is it better than it was? Yes. Is there room for growth? YES!!! We are thankful everyday for a Father that has given us hearts for kids, strength to get through each daily struggle, forgiveness for our short comings as parents, and for that fresh start each and every morning. Something I push hard in this house is when you screw up, own it and make it right! Don't make every excuse as to why you did something, own it! Seek forgiveness and try to do better! I as a mom, seek forgiveness when I lash out, I'm hard on myself but strive to make it right, hugs are needed and "I love you's". My biggest fear is "screwing" them up. Maybe that's a common parent fear, I don't know. When days are rough and patience has ran out the door and I'm questioning all we do and that sneaky fear is consuming my brain, God surrounds me with comfort. He reminds me we're not alone, He is leading, guiding and giving us everything we need right when we need it....look to HIM!!!

We have some awesome kiddos! Some have been through Hell, literally. Trauma is real. Behavior issues, anxiety, fear, confusion. They need hugs and reassurance. They need daily and sometimes minute to minute reminders of how good they are even in the midst of bad times. Sometimes with fostering you feel very alone in the day to day struggles and understanding the "why's". From therapy to therapy for each kiddo and keeping them involved and trying to raise them to be kind, loving, children of God, and to be productive people of society. That where they came from isn't where they are going or where they will stay...they can rise above! Their past doesn't need to be their future in any way. God heals, restores and brings a brighter tomorrow. Trying to make time for each kid, each need and each want. That's a huge battle. Through the tears, frustration, hurt, and confusion...loving and being understanding is all we can do. Be there for them. Let them know we will not leave them, they are good, they are kind, they can behave, they will grow and thrive, and time heals, we forgive and we move on each and everyday for a brighter tomorrow....we'll maybe not always brighter but we move on and hopefully grow.

So when you ask us how we are doing, we are surviving. We are happy. The good, the bad and sometimes the ugly. God is good and He is guiding and leading us on this wonderful journey. We have a wonderful family and we love these kids. The future? Only He knows what that will bring and we're just simply along for the ride....bumpy or smooth.

From a foster momma's heart.

This blog is gonna get very personal. My emotions are very much so on my sleeves when it comes to my kiddos and today I'm feeling like sharing some brutally honest truth from a foster momma's heart.

I knew when we felt God was calling us into foster care 2 1\2 years ago that it wasn't going to be easy. However, I never truly grasped how much I was going to have to try and accepted that not everyone would come along and accept our decision and support us and band together with us as we love and cherish every child that enters our home. From Christmas, to Birthdays, to simply just being kind and holding these children close in prayers and supporting them because they not only need it but deserve it. TO NEVER SAY and MAKE ME FEEL you think they are a lost cause. This isn't about you! I wish people would step outside of their box and look at these precious children, children! They are children! Every child in our home is apart of our family, one is not over the other. We love them all and treat each and everyone of them like they are our personal children. I think some people think...well if or when they get adopted then we'll see them as part of the family...AWESOME! So in the process make a child who has already been through some of the worst times of their lives, times you yourself couldn't possibly imagine, make them feel unaccepted and second rate. Or it's easier to accept a baby but teens....that's a scary one.

We have a wonderful teenager in our home. She has been through more pain and hurt then I could every imagine and on a weekly basis is made to feel completely unloved and unwanted by her own parents. She was brought up in a home that basically consisted of  3rd world living conditions. She was pregnant at 14 years old...she was still a baby and now everyone instantly thought she could be a mom...and a good mom. How can someone who was never showed what a mom is to be like, be a mom? And how about we hold it against her when she struggles being a mom. Her Dad was never in her life and yet has other children that he willing takes care of, so imagine feeling not good enough to be loved by your own dad. Then the boy she thought loved her and cared for her and made a baby with her, walks away from her and their baby. 15 years of being taught one way and expecting her to change over night to be "accepted" and wanted. Josie missed so much school in fear that if she went her brothers wouldn't be cared for and would get hurt...imagine that being a burden to carry. Imagine holding the burden on your back that YOU were the cause for CYS taking and splitting up your family instead of your parents being at fault for not taking care of you. Josie hasn't even begun to deal with her past and all she has been through, but she is working hard on changing who she is and who she wants to be...imagine the day reality hits for her. Her brothers are struggling like crazy with PTSD, nightmares and multiple others things trying to cope with all they've been through and yet Josie doesn't even remember it and she is 6 years older then her oldest brother. With all that God is doing amazing work in Josie's life and in her heart. He's working on her and we can see small changes every week in the girl she is becoming...but this wont happen over night, it took years to get her where she is and it will take years to undo some of that damage. BUT I fully trust that God WILL do amazing things in Josie's life.

Then we have a little boy who is another child to us. A little boy who needs tons of love and attention. His mother is still learning how to be the mom he needs and while she is learning he needs us to surround him with all the love and attention she can't currently give. He too has a Dad who doesn't want to step up and be a Dad. But if I have anything to do with it, this little boy will never know anything more then love, love, love and acceptance. He is wanted and he is right where he needs to be.  God has big plans for him!

Last but not least, of course, sweet Rylee. She has been with us for right over 2 years now and I think most people are now fully accepting of her being in our family. Which is great! But why did it take this long? Shouldn't we always plan for the child to stay? Hope and pray the families can get it together but be fully prepared that maybe they wont? From the moment we got Rylee I made a commitment that whatever we've done for Trent we would do for you. I never want to look back and say man if only we new we were going to adopt her we would have done more all along the way....NO, I wanna always do all the little things. Make these children, each and every one of them, feel completely one of us, fully apart of our family.

I know that there will come a day that a child who has come in our home will go home. And no one can prepare for that heartache. I've been told by long time foster parents that it simply feels like they've died and you mourn and then slowly move on. I contemplate that day and I just pray that during the time these kiddos are in our home I do all I can to make them feel loved and instill great moral and rock their world with Jesus' love. Show them there's so much more then what this world has to offer. I wish that everyone around us and all of our family could view each of our 4 children equal and love them each the same....I also know that I need to accept if they don't. But when my 15 year old makes comments because she doesn't understand why she is treated different and I have to think of a loving way to respond it completely breaks my heart. Please don't make these children feel unaccepted.

I will say this, there maybe a few bad apples surrounding us in our fostering journey but we also have some AMAZING people who have just come and surrounded us with support and love beyond anything we could imagine. We couldn't be more thankful for all those people. As I worked through this blog my emotions have come under control and I just...I just want people to think about their actions and their words and how it may possibly impact someone else. Be more! Love one another exactly where they are at! And please  try and understand that a child always needs to know they are loved and supported and accepted.

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy. Ps 82:3-4

Missing this blog thing...who's got the time?

Ok lets try this again. It's been months since I've sat down to write anything out for this blog. This morning I got up a bit early to attempt to get something down and after an hour the whole thing was deleted by a kick of one 5 year olds little foot. So here I am again....I'm not sure why I'm even attempting this. 3 kiddos home here today. Trent has been battling a cold since last Thursday and missed 2 days of school so far and is home again today. Doc says it's mostly sinus' and an ear infection. Josie started complaining of an ear ache and sore throat two days ago so meds started last night for her, luckily she's at school. Rylee has a runny nose and plays with her ears a bit as well and has a mild cough. Brant has a nasty runny nose and we all know how fun that is with a baby so if you enter my home and can't recognize his face due to the muck plastered all over it, please forgive me I can't keep up with the snot!

I am on cup 3 of coffee for the day so far and as I contemplate what should be in store for today I wanna just sit where I am and not move. Our washer has been broke for a little over a week now and the mounds of clothing could possibly hit the ceiling of our basement...no joke! However, thinking of the trips up and down the basement steps out to the vehicle and in and out and in and out and up and down and up and down....get it?!

Thought I would attempt giving everyone an update on the Rice family. It's been crazy and I love crazy and that makes everything all the crazier!!! The new "norm" would be...I have no clue what the new "norm" is for us. Each day is new and can be a new journey in itself. I have no doubt in my mind God gives us exactly what we need to get through each and every second of everyday.

Lets start with some good news. On December 2 the court FINALLY ruled for a goal change for Rylee from return to parent\guardian to adoption. That was for the court hearing on July 2nd. I have NO clue why the court waited all these months to rule but they did and we finally got a verdict that rules in favor of Rylee. We are now waiting on Orphans Court to officially rule. However, with good news always comes something that will spice it up, Rylee's mom has started a GoFundMe account and is attempting her way at going to the supreme court to fight this ruling. I have so many thoughts on all that's going on with Rylee's mom and the court system and I'll just keep them to myself. Our system is sad, very very sad and flawed. So continued prayers are much appreciated, I know God knows and His will will be done but man this is getting so overwhelming!!

Last week CYS started the process for another appointment with Orphans Court but this time for Josie. I can't believe parental rights are already at risk for her parents. I can't even believe we have been asked about adoption for another child already. This is crazy!!! I swore I would never turn a child away and taking on a teen with a baby has been super challenging but I never thought at 5 mo in our home we would be asked if we wanted to adopt. Please pray for this whole situation. Pray for guidance for Steve and I. Pray for Steve as he's had quite a turn around since we first got into this situation but still has lots of concerns. Pray that Steve and I will always stand firm together. Pray for Josie, her heart, her mind. She's been through WAY more then she deserves in her 15 years and has quite a lot to work through. She made a huge decision a few weeks ago and she accepted Christ into her heart at a youth event called The Silver Ring Thing!!!! WOOHOO!!! I have never felt such joy. Pray for that all around. She doesn't quite understand what she did but each day she's learning more and more and I love watching her grow. Honestly Josie isn't an open book about everything she has endured growing up, however as things do come out my eyes have been opened to all the things I never have thought to appreciate on a daily basis. We just have absolutely NO clue what some kids\people go through, how they live...the things we take for granted. Having a teen in our home has been very challenging at times and we've done a lot of "do overs" and we're learning and trying to be forgiving and asking for lots of advice, guidance and prayers. Josie has had a few "bumps" here and there and some may have said "she's to far gone", "a lost cause" SHAME on THEM! A child deserves a chance on every level and if I have to step out of my comfort zone a little to help out I will do that because God has ask that of me and because God did it for me, AND does it for me every.single.day!

So onto Brantley. What a joy it has been to have him in our home. I take care of Brantley as if he's just another one of the kiddos in our house...don't ask me what I call myself to him because I find that more confusing then anything else that goes on in our home. I cannot get Gram, Granny, Grandma, or anything close to that out of my mouth. Josie is "mom" and that's ok...and everyone outside of our home may find our situation confusing but it's what works...for now. I am "mom" to Brantley without the label and I don't need that label. We are currently battling Brantleys Dad in court for custody and I can't even begin to go into ALL that because it's incredibly overwhelming and frustrating and it's best to just say pray for us and that situation. Brantley is a crazy little boy. Crawled at 5 mo and is officially a walker at 10mo. He crawls up steps, gets into everything but man is he super bright. He keeps me on my feet!!!

Last but not least Trent. He loves school and I simply can't believe all he's learning in TK, what in the world will they teach in Kindergarten??!! He still struggles with his belly issues and he's on new medicine and that has been a challenge getting the dosage just right on 2 laxatives. He's in swimming lessons on Saturdays at the Y, we're super thankful for the Y membership we got from CYS!! Trent lost one of his very close friends this past summer and he's really struggling getting over it. It's heartbreaking to try and explain that he moved and he simply can't see him anymore. He doesn't "want" to make a new friend, he just "misses" and "loves" his "best friend".  Trent has a huge heart, guess I should blame myself for that. A new thing this year Trent loves crafts and art! Everyday Rylee and him sit at our table and make projects all night. They color, paint, use pipe cleaners, cut things out, and have given me so many pictures to hang I need not buy any other decorations ever!

Over the past few months I couldn't be more thankful for such an awesome church and for my amazing parents. I do firmly believe it takes a village to raise children. Our church family has stepped out in so many ways with Josie and prayed and encouraged her and she feels so incredibly loved and accepted and that brings tears to my eyes. I couldn't ask for a better church family!! And my parents are simply amazing! They are always there for us and while we got into fostering it's almost like they did right along with us and I appreciate that SO much! We need that support and the children that come into our home need to feel that as well and ours do. I also must say how amazing my husband is. our journey with fostering hasn't always been exactly what he wanted and some days he is very discouraged but man do I love that man and his heart. God is working on all of us and He will bring such great things and already is. Please just continue as always to pray for us.

Why not simply jump?!

Think I have finally have a moment to breath....3 out of 4 of the kiddos are in bed and the "big" kid is at a friends for another 50 minutes. Just got back from Lancaster County with our new to us vehicle. What a blessing! With that blessing though came a nice little bill once we arrived back home. The vehicle needed an alternator. Thankfully nothing bad happened and we made it home and Steve replaced it already tonight. 
On the ride home today it was so incredibly nice to be able to enjoy some nice worship time in the car with some Chris Tomlin...however, what I learned is don't blare it and think you can raise your hands and close your eyes...just not safe. Oh but I tried!! I also got to do a lot of thinking which I don't get to do in our crazy house lately. What I thought about most is my husband. Through the years, through everything with fertility issues and adoption to fostering I constantly prayed for closed doors or open hearts. See right after we got married and we discovered we couldn't have children, Steve instantly said he wouldn't adopt. Said its simply to expensive and he would rather try the lottery. But I prayed....and we adopted and had Trent. Then after Trent and suffering a miscarriage and multiple tries at embryo implant and loss, I brought up fostering. To which Steve again said no. Soooo I prayed. And we got Rylee. Then after Rylee and being asked to take on 2 more kiddos, Steve again, instantly said no. AND here we are with Josie and Brantley. So again....I have jokingly said can you believe we are approved to have 2 more kids yet?!! AND that was an INSTANT are you CRaZy? NO!! So I sit and giggle. It is absolutely amazing that through all these years I can just see all the answered prayers. They weren't in my time and I always had to pray for patience in the waiting, and patience in accepting what my husband may or may not be able to handle or accept, but that God knows. Steve has been so amazing in knowing where my heart is, he thinks I'm crazy, but in the end he prays with me and waits till we see the doors swing open or close. See I'm more of a jump and don't walk, carry all 20 grocery bags, thrive in chaos, go nutty kind of girl. It has been pretty crazy the last few weeks. I can't seem to get our house in order quite how I would like and for me a scatter brain already, it's making things a bit hard somedays to tackle the day. Friday I neeeeeded a break and a drive to Lancaster came at the perfect moment. God knows and He provides just when you need it most! I was glad to come back home with a better attitude and started conquering a bit of what I've been feeling I have been behind on. The best part is the overwhelming feeling I had all day Friday just melted away! 

It is so different having a teenager in our home. She is a complete blessing and teaching me so much and I pray for guidance in every move we make with her. I have been that mom no one wants. Yes I snoop, and yes I swing by randomly to check on her, I drill her friends and I have even recently had to drill a "boy" on what we find acceptable and not acceptable in our home...Steve had to giggle because the boy was sweating. Haha!!! I like to call myself an involved mom but Josie thinks I'm crazy! Think you pretty much have to be anymore. Last week Steve swung by where Josie was, stopped, got out of the truck and went up to all the kids and asked what they were all up to and then simply left. Haha! I trust her but come on I was a teen once to and I know all the trouble I easily got into. Josie is very open with me, which I greatly appreciate, we just haven't quite learned how we deal with all the things she does or has done that we do not agree with. We talk all the time and we simply encourage her to make the right choices, so far so good, besides a few bad habits. Last week I did have to ask her to change and to put an outfit on the "burn pile" she giggled and went and changed. That went WAY easier then I anticipated. Biggest concern though is boys boys boys....this one scares me! So we pray! Steves one big gripe is hair color. Josie asked me to color the bottom part of her hair purple. Steve was...lets just say, less then impressed. He can't stand it!!!! Haha!!! Some battles just arent worth the fight....but he may try to battle that one a few times...think I'll sit back and watch :)

Then there's Brantley. 4 months old, almost 5. I'm trying my darnedest to get him on a schedule and well were just not there yet but I'm working on it! It WILL happen! Pray for that!! 

And onto RyleeSue. Oh this little girl. Her strong will....somedays even 5 minutes after waking up I'm already praying naptime comes quick. She is a fighter. She's that little girl on the ground, screaming her lungs out, kicking, screaming and pulling her hair. She's a nut case. Tonight I glanced over at her as shes eating to see her smearing something through out her hair, so I sat and watched....she was taking and squeezing her applesauce onto her hand and then using it as hair gel....so I took a deep breath and started to laugh (silently on the inside) because I wanted to scream! Thankfully God gave her such cutiepie looks or I may just ship her to Canada. Wednesday we have court, supposedly it's 4 hours!!! I'm completely not ready for it and I know my nerves will be shot that day, so please pray for that and that the judge will have open eyes and ears and make the best choice for Rylee and only Rylee. 

Then there's Trent. He's been rather bored at times this summer and can't wait for school. The park program started last week and because I'm constantly lost in my schedule I forgot all about it! This week he should be less bored and ready for naptime. He's still having belly issues and we head to Childrens in Pittsburgh to hopefully get some tests run on dairy and Gluten. We're hoping to get some of this resolved before school starts. He has been on Mirolax for weeks now and still showing constipation in his catscans.  We cut dairy as recommended and soy\almond milks still lead to belly pain...so they aren't sure if the pain is simply from his bowels or all dairy...I'm lost but just want it fixed. He refuses to go to the potty at school and from using Miralax things can quickly go in any direction and we don't want him worried about that in school or having accidents from trying not to go while there. Fun fun! He's also having leg pains different times and I try to ignore since they still have no answers there other then hopefully he out grows it. Tylenol and rest. But still pushing activity as the doctors recommended. We're hoping to get him in fall soccer and he can't wait to start piano lessons! He's also very excited to go horse back riding this week at Steve's friends house...well not sure who's more excited him or Josie. 

Well that wraps up all the kiddos. Full house. God has truly blessed us. This week I'm praying for this rain to stop!!! Steve was laid off for a month and a half for the "normal" mud season and now he's yet to be back to work full time yet and it's super frustrating! God continues to provide and I trust Him but it would still be a huge relief if things to just get back to normal financially...whatever normal is there. I still try to work when I can but with the full house that will most likely be even less now till I find a good sitter... my mom is a huge help but I believe it's a bit much for her now. 

Super thankful today is Sunday (this blog took 2 days to complete) and Sundays are just....so relaxing. Things to do but I think I'll read or...take a nap! Have a great week all!!!

And the adventure begins

Good morning!!! The sun is shining and from what I've heard it's suppose to hit a warm 82(?). Woohoo!!! Been chillier and rainy the last two days so this will be so refreshing!!!! 

What a crazy, almost, week it's been. Can't even believe the way our week quickly changed last Thursday. Started out the morning by walking down to my parents house around 10 to get Trent, who had a sleep over, and watch my Dad dig holes for his deck. And then I got the call. An emergency placement for the girl we had been praying about. So many things we had been praying about when we were first approached about this situation. We were praying for a change in heart for both Steve and I depending on how things would go. We were praying for clear open or closed doors after being ask if we would consider taking on this specific situation. We were also praying about our vehicle situation and housing situation and if God opened the door that He would just simply continuing doing what He has always done and make a way. We thought we had time......How that quickly changed and at the same time made it completely clear that God wanted this girl and her 4 month old baby in our home and family. Soooo my frantic day began.
I had 5 hours to prepare. Get a bed, bedding, rearrange Rylee from her room to Trents room, and also get all baby baby items out of the attic and ready to go. I was at that point going crazy and needed to take a second and ask people to surround me with prayer! So from carrying a mattress and box spring from the basement all the way outside and around the house and all the way up stairs, to fifty two trips up and down both attic steps, to Walmart shopping spree, and a crazy mess of clothing every where from a lack of dressers and closet space. The room got set up, well actually, both rooms, and we were ready!! Through all of this all I could think about was how Steve had no clue!! He would get home at 245 and they were coming at 3. Oh my I had no clue what his response would be, I simply prayed he had a good day at work.

Things have been going very well. However, Josie is currently grounded through CYS and that will end tomorrow, so ask me in a week after we have allowed some freedom. She's been through quite a bit in life with her Mom and her two little brothers. She's been forced to play a grown up role and act as a parents and yet isn't mature enough to do so. She knows she's made some poor choices however I'm not quite sure that she's learned anything yet from having her little guy to make me believe it wont happen again. CYS has enforced birth control so it's a bit weird to be dealing with that in our home. We've done lots of talking and she's very open with me and now I'm so frightened by the things teenagers are doing that I had no clue about and now I need to encourage different behavior and try to get her to understand learning the hard way isn't fun...and yet I know thats usually how we learn and sometimes the only way we learn. Her "boyfriend" or babies daddy is off limits but they sometimes are very sneaky and tend to get themselves in trouble. He's 18. I have met him and his mom and I anticipate that being a super fun situation we will be dealing with regularly. He is currently on my bad side as he has a girlfriend and thinks he can have the best of both worlds and not be a great Dad either. I have already asked him to supply baby items and so far we got batteries off of him so I'm hoping maybe he will at least step up financially even if not physically with Brantley. Josie had no girl friends and I'm not the least bit impressed with her choices for how she handles guy friends. So we've already laid some big ground rules for boys. So far everyday we have had some girl friends in our home and around and that is at least one step forward. Friday is her first big outing and I'm nervous and I anticipate driving by a few times :) Boys and girls going swimming out at the one creek across town. Steve wants to be Hitler and keep her locked up, I have a different way of thinking and want her to know in keeping Brantley she has a lot she will miss out on and yet we are here to help her grow and learn and be here for both of them in the process. CYS wants her to decide if being a mom is what she wants at 15 and I am here to teach her how to be a mom and a woman. Cooking, cleaning, caring for Brantley. But with maybe some freedom but not a lot. She has quite a bit to learn about being a mom...and I'm trying to push some things but she's 15 and telling her 2-3 times seems to be the norm. Steve and I have talked a lot about how we truly wish our church had a youth group and lots of teens that maybe a good influence on her but we just don't have that right now. We've also talked about Word of Life Bible and their summer programs and we are going to be looking into that for her to possibly attend for a week. Sorta shock some God into her. 

So, so far things have been amazing and such a blessing. God is good and He brought us together and we now have a family of 6 and my heart is full. I know it's not going to be easy. I'm crazy busy all day long with 4 kids in the house and two fosters having appointments different places and then my "foster grandbaby(?)" having his own set of appointments. We also had to do a bit of shopping for Josie for items she just didn't have and it was great to take her shopping, she isn't use to anything new and nice and she hated saying she liked something because she saw the price tag and anticipated a "no". But by today and her needing to pick out some shoes, that was gone and she simply decided and showed me to place the order. Shopping for Brantley has also been fun and now to hand the bill to "Dad". Anyways please continue to pray for our situation. It's not to incredibly long till Josie's Mom can lose rights to all 3 of her kids and then we will possibly have another adoption decision on our hands. Oh and a highlight and I hate saying it but answer to pray. Rylee will most likely be staying in our home permanently ;)))) The bonding assessment was in our favor. Doc says it would be "detrimental" for Rylee to leave us and that Jackie isn't ready. And sources say "mom" is back on drugs and CYS is going to request a mandatory drug test....geesh possibly another baby entering the system. Pray for these Moms, they need to open their eyes, they need Jesus so much and these precious children just don't understand. 

So our summer has gotten very busy. I'm hoping to fit a few days in of work here and there as we need to replace our leaking shower before our foyer ceiling comes down, again! But I trust God to provide as He always does. And next weekend we head to Knoebels for two nights and we're taking 6 kids with us!!!! Pray for that craziness!!! I'm so excited, mainly because the kids are, but hey isn't that what it's all about?! We're also hoping to do some day trips so Josie can get out and see a few places. 

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