Missing this blog thing...who's got the time?

Ok lets try this again. It's been months since I've sat down to write anything out for this blog. This morning I got up a bit early to attempt to get something down and after an hour the whole thing was deleted by a kick of one 5 year olds little foot. So here I am again....I'm not sure why I'm even attempting this. 3 kiddos home here today. Trent has been battling a cold since last Thursday and missed 2 days of school so far and is home again today. Doc says it's mostly sinus' and an ear infection. Josie started complaining of an ear ache and sore throat two days ago so meds started last night for her, luckily she's at school. Rylee has a runny nose and plays with her ears a bit as well and has a mild cough. Brant has a nasty runny nose and we all know how fun that is with a baby so if you enter my home and can't recognize his face due to the muck plastered all over it, please forgive me I can't keep up with the snot!

I am on cup 3 of coffee for the day so far and as I contemplate what should be in store for today I wanna just sit where I am and not move. Our washer has been broke for a little over a week now and the mounds of clothing could possibly hit the ceiling of our basement...no joke! However, thinking of the trips up and down the basement steps out to the vehicle and in and out and in and out and up and down and up and down....get it?!

Thought I would attempt giving everyone an update on the Rice family. It's been crazy and I love crazy and that makes everything all the crazier!!! The new "norm" would be...I have no clue what the new "norm" is for us. Each day is new and can be a new journey in itself. I have no doubt in my mind God gives us exactly what we need to get through each and every second of everyday.

Lets start with some good news. On December 2 the court FINALLY ruled for a goal change for Rylee from return to parent\guardian to adoption. That was for the court hearing on July 2nd. I have NO clue why the court waited all these months to rule but they did and we finally got a verdict that rules in favor of Rylee. We are now waiting on Orphans Court to officially rule. However, with good news always comes something that will spice it up, Rylee's mom has started a GoFundMe account and is attempting her way at going to the supreme court to fight this ruling. I have so many thoughts on all that's going on with Rylee's mom and the court system and I'll just keep them to myself. Our system is sad, very very sad and flawed. So continued prayers are much appreciated, I know God knows and His will will be done but man this is getting so overwhelming!!

Last week CYS started the process for another appointment with Orphans Court but this time for Josie. I can't believe parental rights are already at risk for her parents. I can't even believe we have been asked about adoption for another child already. This is crazy!!! I swore I would never turn a child away and taking on a teen with a baby has been super challenging but I never thought at 5 mo in our home we would be asked if we wanted to adopt. Please pray for this whole situation. Pray for guidance for Steve and I. Pray for Steve as he's had quite a turn around since we first got into this situation but still has lots of concerns. Pray that Steve and I will always stand firm together. Pray for Josie, her heart, her mind. She's been through WAY more then she deserves in her 15 years and has quite a lot to work through. She made a huge decision a few weeks ago and she accepted Christ into her heart at a youth event called The Silver Ring Thing!!!! WOOHOO!!! I have never felt such joy. Pray for that all around. She doesn't quite understand what she did but each day she's learning more and more and I love watching her grow. Honestly Josie isn't an open book about everything she has endured growing up, however as things do come out my eyes have been opened to all the things I never have thought to appreciate on a daily basis. We just have absolutely NO clue what some kids\people go through, how they live...the things we take for granted. Having a teen in our home has been very challenging at times and we've done a lot of "do overs" and we're learning and trying to be forgiving and asking for lots of advice, guidance and prayers. Josie has had a few "bumps" here and there and some may have said "she's to far gone", "a lost cause" SHAME on THEM! A child deserves a chance on every level and if I have to step out of my comfort zone a little to help out I will do that because God has ask that of me and because God did it for me, AND does it for me every.single.day!

So onto Brantley. What a joy it has been to have him in our home. I take care of Brantley as if he's just another one of the kiddos in our house...don't ask me what I call myself to him because I find that more confusing then anything else that goes on in our home. I cannot get Gram, Granny, Grandma, or anything close to that out of my mouth. Josie is "mom" and that's ok...and everyone outside of our home may find our situation confusing but it's what works...for now. I am "mom" to Brantley without the label and I don't need that label. We are currently battling Brantleys Dad in court for custody and I can't even begin to go into ALL that because it's incredibly overwhelming and frustrating and it's best to just say pray for us and that situation. Brantley is a crazy little boy. Crawled at 5 mo and is officially a walker at 10mo. He crawls up steps, gets into everything but man is he super bright. He keeps me on my feet!!!

Last but not least Trent. He loves school and I simply can't believe all he's learning in TK, what in the world will they teach in Kindergarten??!! He still struggles with his belly issues and he's on new medicine and that has been a challenge getting the dosage just right on 2 laxatives. He's in swimming lessons on Saturdays at the Y, we're super thankful for the Y membership we got from CYS!! Trent lost one of his very close friends this past summer and he's really struggling getting over it. It's heartbreaking to try and explain that he moved and he simply can't see him anymore. He doesn't "want" to make a new friend, he just "misses" and "loves" his "best friend".  Trent has a huge heart, guess I should blame myself for that. A new thing this year Trent loves crafts and art! Everyday Rylee and him sit at our table and make projects all night. They color, paint, use pipe cleaners, cut things out, and have given me so many pictures to hang I need not buy any other decorations ever!

Over the past few months I couldn't be more thankful for such an awesome church and for my amazing parents. I do firmly believe it takes a village to raise children. Our church family has stepped out in so many ways with Josie and prayed and encouraged her and she feels so incredibly loved and accepted and that brings tears to my eyes. I couldn't ask for a better church family!! And my parents are simply amazing! They are always there for us and while we got into fostering it's almost like they did right along with us and I appreciate that SO much! We need that support and the children that come into our home need to feel that as well and ours do. I also must say how amazing my husband is. our journey with fostering hasn't always been exactly what he wanted and some days he is very discouraged but man do I love that man and his heart. God is working on all of us and He will bring such great things and already is. Please just continue as always to pray for us.

Why not simply jump?!

Think I have finally have a moment to breath....3 out of 4 of the kiddos are in bed and the "big" kid is at a friends for another 50 minutes. Just got back from Lancaster County with our new to us vehicle. What a blessing! With that blessing though came a nice little bill once we arrived back home. The vehicle needed an alternator. Thankfully nothing bad happened and we made it home and Steve replaced it already tonight. 
On the ride home today it was so incredibly nice to be able to enjoy some nice worship time in the car with some Chris Tomlin...however, what I learned is don't blare it and think you can raise your hands and close your eyes...just not safe. Oh but I tried!! I also got to do a lot of thinking which I don't get to do in our crazy house lately. What I thought about most is my husband. Through the years, through everything with fertility issues and adoption to fostering I constantly prayed for closed doors or open hearts. See right after we got married and we discovered we couldn't have children, Steve instantly said he wouldn't adopt. Said its simply to expensive and he would rather try the lottery. But I prayed....and we adopted and had Trent. Then after Trent and suffering a miscarriage and multiple tries at embryo implant and loss, I brought up fostering. To which Steve again said no. Soooo I prayed. And we got Rylee. Then after Rylee and being asked to take on 2 more kiddos, Steve again, instantly said no. AND here we are with Josie and Brantley. So again....I have jokingly said can you believe we are approved to have 2 more kids yet?!! AND that was an INSTANT are you CRaZy? NO!! So I sit and giggle. It is absolutely amazing that through all these years I can just see all the answered prayers. They weren't in my time and I always had to pray for patience in the waiting, and patience in accepting what my husband may or may not be able to handle or accept, but that God knows. Steve has been so amazing in knowing where my heart is, he thinks I'm crazy, but in the end he prays with me and waits till we see the doors swing open or close. See I'm more of a jump and don't walk, carry all 20 grocery bags, thrive in chaos, go nutty kind of girl. It has been pretty crazy the last few weeks. I can't seem to get our house in order quite how I would like and for me a scatter brain already, it's making things a bit hard somedays to tackle the day. Friday I neeeeeded a break and a drive to Lancaster came at the perfect moment. God knows and He provides just when you need it most! I was glad to come back home with a better attitude and started conquering a bit of what I've been feeling I have been behind on. The best part is the overwhelming feeling I had all day Friday just melted away! 

It is so different having a teenager in our home. She is a complete blessing and teaching me so much and I pray for guidance in every move we make with her. I have been that mom no one wants. Yes I snoop, and yes I swing by randomly to check on her, I drill her friends and I have even recently had to drill a "boy" on what we find acceptable and not acceptable in our home...Steve had to giggle because the boy was sweating. Haha!!! I like to call myself an involved mom but Josie thinks I'm crazy! Think you pretty much have to be anymore. Last week Steve swung by where Josie was, stopped, got out of the truck and went up to all the kids and asked what they were all up to and then simply left. Haha! I trust her but come on I was a teen once to and I know all the trouble I easily got into. Josie is very open with me, which I greatly appreciate, we just haven't quite learned how we deal with all the things she does or has done that we do not agree with. We talk all the time and we simply encourage her to make the right choices, so far so good, besides a few bad habits. Last week I did have to ask her to change and to put an outfit on the "burn pile" she giggled and went and changed. That went WAY easier then I anticipated. Biggest concern though is boys boys boys....this one scares me! So we pray! Steves one big gripe is hair color. Josie asked me to color the bottom part of her hair purple. Steve was...lets just say, less then impressed. He can't stand it!!!! Haha!!! Some battles just arent worth the fight....but he may try to battle that one a few times...think I'll sit back and watch :)

Then there's Brantley. 4 months old, almost 5. I'm trying my darnedest to get him on a schedule and well were just not there yet but I'm working on it! It WILL happen! Pray for that!! 

And onto RyleeSue. Oh this little girl. Her strong will....somedays even 5 minutes after waking up I'm already praying naptime comes quick. She is a fighter. She's that little girl on the ground, screaming her lungs out, kicking, screaming and pulling her hair. She's a nut case. Tonight I glanced over at her as shes eating to see her smearing something through out her hair, so I sat and watched....she was taking and squeezing her applesauce onto her hand and then using it as hair gel....so I took a deep breath and started to laugh (silently on the inside) because I wanted to scream! Thankfully God gave her such cutiepie looks or I may just ship her to Canada. Wednesday we have court, supposedly it's 4 hours!!! I'm completely not ready for it and I know my nerves will be shot that day, so please pray for that and that the judge will have open eyes and ears and make the best choice for Rylee and only Rylee. 

Then there's Trent. He's been rather bored at times this summer and can't wait for school. The park program started last week and because I'm constantly lost in my schedule I forgot all about it! This week he should be less bored and ready for naptime. He's still having belly issues and we head to Childrens in Pittsburgh to hopefully get some tests run on dairy and Gluten. We're hoping to get some of this resolved before school starts. He has been on Mirolax for weeks now and still showing constipation in his catscans.  We cut dairy as recommended and soy\almond milks still lead to belly pain...so they aren't sure if the pain is simply from his bowels or all dairy...I'm lost but just want it fixed. He refuses to go to the potty at school and from using Miralax things can quickly go in any direction and we don't want him worried about that in school or having accidents from trying not to go while there. Fun fun! He's also having leg pains different times and I try to ignore since they still have no answers there other then hopefully he out grows it. Tylenol and rest. But still pushing activity as the doctors recommended. We're hoping to get him in fall soccer and he can't wait to start piano lessons! He's also very excited to go horse back riding this week at Steve's friends house...well not sure who's more excited him or Josie. 

Well that wraps up all the kiddos. Full house. God has truly blessed us. This week I'm praying for this rain to stop!!! Steve was laid off for a month and a half for the "normal" mud season and now he's yet to be back to work full time yet and it's super frustrating! God continues to provide and I trust Him but it would still be a huge relief if things to just get back to normal financially...whatever normal is there. I still try to work when I can but with the full house that will most likely be even less now till I find a good sitter... my mom is a huge help but I believe it's a bit much for her now. 

Super thankful today is Sunday (this blog took 2 days to complete) and Sundays are just....so relaxing. Things to do but I think I'll read or...take a nap! Have a great week all!!!

And the adventure begins

Good morning!!! The sun is shining and from what I've heard it's suppose to hit a warm 82(?). Woohoo!!! Been chillier and rainy the last two days so this will be so refreshing!!!! 

What a crazy, almost, week it's been. Can't even believe the way our week quickly changed last Thursday. Started out the morning by walking down to my parents house around 10 to get Trent, who had a sleep over, and watch my Dad dig holes for his deck. And then I got the call. An emergency placement for the girl we had been praying about. So many things we had been praying about when we were first approached about this situation. We were praying for a change in heart for both Steve and I depending on how things would go. We were praying for clear open or closed doors after being ask if we would consider taking on this specific situation. We were also praying about our vehicle situation and housing situation and if God opened the door that He would just simply continuing doing what He has always done and make a way. We thought we had time......How that quickly changed and at the same time made it completely clear that God wanted this girl and her 4 month old baby in our home and family. Soooo my frantic day began.
I had 5 hours to prepare. Get a bed, bedding, rearrange Rylee from her room to Trents room, and also get all baby baby items out of the attic and ready to go. I was at that point going crazy and needed to take a second and ask people to surround me with prayer! So from carrying a mattress and box spring from the basement all the way outside and around the house and all the way up stairs, to fifty two trips up and down both attic steps, to Walmart shopping spree, and a crazy mess of clothing every where from a lack of dressers and closet space. The room got set up, well actually, both rooms, and we were ready!! Through all of this all I could think about was how Steve had no clue!! He would get home at 245 and they were coming at 3. Oh my I had no clue what his response would be, I simply prayed he had a good day at work.

Things have been going very well. However, Josie is currently grounded through CYS and that will end tomorrow, so ask me in a week after we have allowed some freedom. She's been through quite a bit in life with her Mom and her two little brothers. She's been forced to play a grown up role and act as a parents and yet isn't mature enough to do so. She knows she's made some poor choices however I'm not quite sure that she's learned anything yet from having her little guy to make me believe it wont happen again. CYS has enforced birth control so it's a bit weird to be dealing with that in our home. We've done lots of talking and she's very open with me and now I'm so frightened by the things teenagers are doing that I had no clue about and now I need to encourage different behavior and try to get her to understand learning the hard way isn't fun...and yet I know thats usually how we learn and sometimes the only way we learn. Her "boyfriend" or babies daddy is off limits but they sometimes are very sneaky and tend to get themselves in trouble. He's 18. I have met him and his mom and I anticipate that being a super fun situation we will be dealing with regularly. He is currently on my bad side as he has a girlfriend and thinks he can have the best of both worlds and not be a great Dad either. I have already asked him to supply baby items and so far we got batteries off of him so I'm hoping maybe he will at least step up financially even if not physically with Brantley. Josie had no girl friends and I'm not the least bit impressed with her choices for how she handles guy friends. So we've already laid some big ground rules for boys. So far everyday we have had some girl friends in our home and around and that is at least one step forward. Friday is her first big outing and I'm nervous and I anticipate driving by a few times :) Boys and girls going swimming out at the one creek across town. Steve wants to be Hitler and keep her locked up, I have a different way of thinking and want her to know in keeping Brantley she has a lot she will miss out on and yet we are here to help her grow and learn and be here for both of them in the process. CYS wants her to decide if being a mom is what she wants at 15 and I am here to teach her how to be a mom and a woman. Cooking, cleaning, caring for Brantley. But with maybe some freedom but not a lot. She has quite a bit to learn about being a mom...and I'm trying to push some things but she's 15 and telling her 2-3 times seems to be the norm. Steve and I have talked a lot about how we truly wish our church had a youth group and lots of teens that maybe a good influence on her but we just don't have that right now. We've also talked about Word of Life Bible and their summer programs and we are going to be looking into that for her to possibly attend for a week. Sorta shock some God into her. 

So, so far things have been amazing and such a blessing. God is good and He brought us together and we now have a family of 6 and my heart is full. I know it's not going to be easy. I'm crazy busy all day long with 4 kids in the house and two fosters having appointments different places and then my "foster grandbaby(?)" having his own set of appointments. We also had to do a bit of shopping for Josie for items she just didn't have and it was great to take her shopping, she isn't use to anything new and nice and she hated saying she liked something because she saw the price tag and anticipated a "no". But by today and her needing to pick out some shoes, that was gone and she simply decided and showed me to place the order. Shopping for Brantley has also been fun and now to hand the bill to "Dad". Anyways please continue to pray for our situation. It's not to incredibly long till Josie's Mom can lose rights to all 3 of her kids and then we will possibly have another adoption decision on our hands. Oh and a highlight and I hate saying it but answer to pray. Rylee will most likely be staying in our home permanently ;)))) The bonding assessment was in our favor. Doc says it would be "detrimental" for Rylee to leave us and that Jackie isn't ready. And sources say "mom" is back on drugs and CYS is going to request a mandatory drug test....geesh possibly another baby entering the system. Pray for these Moms, they need to open their eyes, they need Jesus so much and these precious children just don't understand. 

So our summer has gotten very busy. I'm hoping to fit a few days in of work here and there as we need to replace our leaking shower before our foyer ceiling comes down, again! But I trust God to provide as He always does. And next weekend we head to Knoebels for two nights and we're taking 6 kids with us!!!! Pray for that craziness!!! I'm so excited, mainly because the kids are, but hey isn't that what it's all about?! We're also hoping to do some day trips so Josie can get out and see a few places. 

Life: Do Something

Life: Do Something: "When Love Takes You In" I know you've heard the stories But they all sound too good to be true You'v...

Life: Mom, mommy, momma!

Life: Mom, mommy, momma!: Mothers Day �� A time to celebrate all Moms. Or all woman in general. A wonderful day to just say Thank you and be thankful for a special wo...

Mom, mommy, momma!

Mothers Day 🌷

A time to celebrate all Moms. Or all woman in general. A wonderful day to just say Thank you and be thankful for a special woman in your life. A friend, a family member or even a neighbor. 

Tomorrow I am most thankful for my Mom, who taught me so very much in life. But mainly she, knowingly or unknowingly taught me to be strong. Strong in my walk as a wife, as a friend, as a mom and as a child of God. My  Mom has been through a few...let's say hiccups in her life. From things in her childhood, to things as a mom, things as a wife, and things with her health. Through it all she holds steadfast to her faith in Jesus. It has made her into who she is today.

I love to be goofy with my mom and I pick on her quite often. She's probably one of my best friends  and She means so much to me! I think she knows that but I also know she appreciates hearing it. Soooo Mom I love you and I'm so very thankful for you! Happy to call you mom, friend and now even...my neighbor 😜

As I celebrate Mother's Day myself I couldn't be more thankful to Jesus for giving me everything my heart has every longed for...being a mom. Yes I'm tearing up 😂 I'm so very thankful for Trent! God truly blessed us with such a fun loving, caring, kind hearted little boy. I pray we raise him in the way he should go and that he continues to grow to know Jesus and one day does BIG things for Christ!! Through a fertility struggle, in His time, we were blessed beyond what we ever imagined and wouldn't change any part of that for the world! I'm also very very thankful for my goofy, strong willed, stubborn, lovable little Rylee. We don't know the path that Jesus has lined up for her or us, But through fostering she was brought into our family and I call her my daughter. She holds a big place in my heart and always will....even when I pull my hair out trying to knock that strong will to the moon!!! God has been so very good to me as a Mom. 

Looking back years ago and craving to hold a baby and hear the words Happy Mother's Day I am now thankful for that struggle. So I would encourage you to look through the struggle, what ever that maybe, and focus on God and the Joy. He has a plan, He loves you and something big will come. You will be blessed! 

For the Moms who have lost. My heart aches for you. I myself experienced a miscarriage and while I never held that precious baby, my heart was crushed when he/she was taken from me. I didn't think I would get through it, the broken heart, the lack of air, feeling lost and broken and even questioning God. We don't understand when horrible things happen and maybe we never fully will.  But we need to pray for peace, Peace that surpasses ALL understanding. Again God has a plan, He loves us and we need to focus on Him and not on the negative but find Joy! Look for the Joy!! You WILL find it! 

And for those who lost their Moms and aren't celebrating with them this special day. Still celebrate them. Cry those tears of sadness and smile from the Joy. Remember all those great memories. I can't imagine not having my mom so I'll be praying for you. 

I hope all woman out there have a wonderful day being celebrated! 

God bless

......Ew ew wait! I have to add this. I have to put a shout out to our pastor who just gave an amazing Sunday message. Lots of laughs! But something he got me thinking about is how sometimes our relationships with our moms isn't exactly how we had imagined. Not everyone has a great relationship with their mom. And sometimes we get upset with our moms because they just aren't as happy with the things we are excited about. And we make that a road block between each other. Remember that our moms have been through it, they've lived and experienced. For those of us who have God fearing moms sometimes they know best and maybe just maybe they see the hurt that can come or the bad in a certain situation. A mom always loves, sometimes way to strongly. And sometimes, ALL the time, they have our best interests at heart and love us so very much that they just can't celebrate something they think will bring hurt or hardship. Try to remember that and try to never make that woman cry! 

With that I also need to thank the three people who so made it possible for Trent. Their willingness to give the gift of life to another family who so craved a baby in their arms. And also to Rylees Mom...I know her heart breaks today not only for Rylee not being with her but for her mom who she lost a few years back. Jackie loves her children to the best of her ability and I pray one day she will open her eyes to the love of Jesus. 

http://youtu.be/F9TSxaDwd2I

 

Beautiful

"Worn"

I’m Tired I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin

Yeah, I’m worn

Even before the day begins

Yeah, I’m worn

I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn

So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn

Yeah I’m worn

As I sit here and look out and see the beautiful sunshine I can't help but feel Jesus. His presence in this place. What an amazing thing to know...Our God reigns!! Yesterday was the National Day of prayer, something I haven't attended since High School. A gathering of believers and unbelievers to pour out to Jesus, how we need Him here and now. We're worn, broken, feel defeated at times and while some of us know God is right there we tend to ignore and try to just deal all on our own. Isn't that that funny part...or dumb part?! When we need Him the most we almost completely ignore Him. Least I do. A few years back I felt very defeated and worn and everyday I thought about How Jesus could fix this feeling in me...and yet He wasn't. I was, in a way, mad at Him. I just simply didn't understand. And yet when did I even ask this of Him? I didn't. I was being stubborn. It took weeks of feeling absolutely lost for me to one day break. Standing in the shower I just started balling and I finally cried out for Jesus to simply save me. And He did. I can't describe it but I felt Him pick me up! It actually still brings tears to my eye. All He wanted was for me to realize I can't do this on my own, I need Him. I know this! I do!! So why, why did it take me SO very long?! Satan is out to destroy and I was letting Him win. After that day life didn't right away get better, but everyday since I feel blessed with whatever comes my way. I know that He is in control, He loves me and if I just trust Him and believe in Him He will always pull me through. It's that joy again! The joy that is in me, because of Him, to know that All Things Work together for Good. 

With that I want to encourage you. If you are worn, defeated, lost, cry out to Jesus! 

The Bridges we burn....

Ever feel the need to get your point across so much that you just kept pushing and pushing and pushing till....
The need to make someone understand...
The need to push your belief...your opinion....your concern...your way of life....
To just make someone understand...
To get the last word. 
To just be...right?

Are you feeling hurt, disrespected, stepped on, mistreated, etc, etc, etc...and so we feel we can rightly justify what comes next in our behavior. 

Attack, attack, attack, hurt, hurt, hurt. Apologize. Attack, attack, attack, hurt, hurt hurt. Apologize....and repeat! Over and over and over. Does the pattern get old? ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Do you feel like you won? Do you feel "right"? Did you get the last word? And what exactly did that achieve for you? 

Sometimes we need to choose to be silent. Sometimes it's ok to not talk all the time. Sometimes if we know someones toes are going to be stepped on we simply choose silence. I encourage you to pray. And pray hard for a closed mouth. For love for others. For kindness and compassion. We can't always be right. We can't always have everyone like everything we do. We can't always get the approval we think we need. We can't always constantly bicker about differences. Life is tooooooo short! Love others and respect them! Damaged relationships can be the worst thing to over come and mend. Think before you speak. Sometimes are words and actions give people enough reason to never want to rebuild that broken bridge. 

James 1:19 19 My dear brothers and sisters,h take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speaki and slow to become angry.

Do Something

"When Love Takes You In"

I know you've heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You've heard about a place called home
But there doesn't seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you're sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

Ok. Here it is. The brutally honest side of my view of our fertility issues. Yes it's my Birthday and I spent most of my day contemplating fostering stuff. And so that made me an emotional wreck. Even as I sit here typing my eyes are glazed over from the tears that will for sure fall at anytime. When I say "issues" its simply because I have no clue what else to call it. We can't have children. Least not like most. And today I can officially say I'm absolutely thankful that we can't. I love Trent to no end and I wouldn't change that for anything. Out of that hardship came a blessing. And I always ALWAYS trusted God to do just that. Blessings in disguise. I know how blessed I was with giving birth to Trent, some woman never get to experience child birth and for them my heart aches. My heart breaks for any husband and wife going through  fertility issues, struggling, questioning, breaking, crying out to God. I've been there and till this day, looking back, I still tear up. It's SO hard!!!! I can still look back and wonder why? Why did we go through that, why all the hurt, the pain, loss of a baby, what did it all mean? For me, it taught me a greater trust. I know that God is holding me tightly in His hands. And even when I hurt and I don't understand, He knows and he's saying trust me and watch whats going to happen next. I don't know about you but that gets me excited!!! See, and I could absolutely be wrong, but I believe God said I have something SO much better for you guys. A family but a family made up of children who need you more then you will ever know.

We've come across another unique situation that we were asked to consider not one, but two children who need some assistance. It's a tough situation and it will take a lot of time, patience and support from those around us. We've reached out to people seeking advice and we're praying very hard that God will open or close doors. See my heart says take them all!!! And I would never be able to turn any child away. However not every child is meant for our home and we cant, maybe, handle every situation that comes are way the best,  and someone else maybe more fit. So while we were asked it maybe just like with Oliviana, a door was opened and then closed. And while I was ready to open it wide God said no...not this time. And for that I am thankful! He is in control and He has our best interests at heart.

 People don't get it and many discourage it. I hear WAY too often how hard it will be and how we shouldn't take the huge challenge on...it'll be too hard and all I hear is what a lost cause some children are in some peoples eyes. My heart breaks to hear people say things like that. See we signed up for this. I never for once thought foster care would be an easy road. Geesh though, turn children away cause it's gonna be a challenge? I have to shudder a bit at that...why wouldn't a child in foster care come with "issues"?! They've been through a pile of muck and have no clue whats to come.

We've also heard and even Steve has thought how small our home is and how we just don't have the best vehicle for 4 kids in one family. Well thats pish posh to me!! We have a roof, beds, seats and seat belts, food, a bathroom, more toys then 100 kids need, and love to share around the block 5 times. What else do these kiddos need? You know what they need more then that...Jesus! And that we have as well!!! 

I trust 150% that if God opens a door he will let the blessings flow. No that doesn't mean it's not going to be hard but it means He will be there all along the way!! When I say that...it's truth and it goes right through me every time I say it cause I absolutely believe it! God will never leave me nor forsake me. If He leads us in a certain direction He will guide us all along the way. My heart breaks for people who can't see past the struggles, the hard, the difficult, the lack of, the "unfit". I'm more then "unfit" for this job and I giggle at the tasks I take on, but see God is bigger then me and all He wants me to do is be willing and willing I AM!!!! 

I know that fostering isn't for everyone and I know some people commend us for what we do and some people think we're straight up crazy. And I guess it takes a little bit of crazy to do this job and I'm ok with that. Everyone might not understand it and they simply don't get it. It's ok...I don't get why people don't wanna save every child like I do. But God made us different and God equipped me for this and you for something else. All I know is God called us for this job and because of that I'm ready, willing and able to the best of my ability. 

Matthew West says it perfectly in his song "Do Something"

"Do Something"

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said, “I did, I created you”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

I’m so tired of talking
About how we are God’s hands and feet
But it’s easier to say than to be
Live like angels of apathy who tell ourselves
It’s alright, “somebody else will do something”
Well, I don’t know about you
But I’m sick and tired of life with no desire
I don’t want a flame, I want a fire
I wanna be the one who stands up and says,
“I’m gonna do something”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

We are the salt of the earth
We are a city on a hill (shine shine, shine shine)
But we’re never gonna change the world
By standing still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something [x3]

Please Feel Free to keep us all in your prayers as we continue this journey. 

Lord, Please Keep Making Me

"He Knows My Name"

Spent today in a conversation
In the mirror face to face with
somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if
I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if
You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing

[Chorus:]
I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

I'm not meant to just stay quiet
I'm meant to be a lion
I'll roar beyond a song
With every moment that I've got
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing

[Chorus]

He calls me chosen, free forgiven, wanted, child of the King,
His forever, held in treasure...
I am loved

I don't need my name in lights...
I'm famous in my Father's eyes...

[Chorus] 

https://youtu.be/1NHQJWdXfFE 

What an amazing thing to know....HE KNOWS MY NAME! 

 Last night I attended our church womans Bible study and we read a bit into the Samaritan woman at the well. Everyone over looked this woman, she was a nobody, invisible. And yet Jesus saw her. He loved her!  What an amazing thing WE NEED TO KNOW and fully believe, HE loves us!!! And HE is for us!  WOW!!!! That just goes right through me. I will never be invisible to my Jesus! He sees everything I do, he hears all my cries, He sees my failures and my achievements. The good, the bad and the ugly. And He loves me and ALWAYS will! I am HIS! He is mine and nothing I do will ever separate me from that!  Cause geesh I am so undeserving....

"Undeserving" a lie from satan. How sad it is that we find it SO easy to believe how very much we don't deserve because of who we think we are. Lies! God says we deserve ALL He is giving us! He loves us THAT much!!! Why can't we grasp that?! We can easily grasp how undeserving we think we are but believing we deserve something good...we just can't do that. As I sit her writing this I can't grasp this. I know God loves me but how do I deserve everything good He does for me...how? I fall short every. single. day! I don't spend time with him, I don't try to make time, I push Him away, I block Him out. So why does He keep saying I love you and that will never change, no matter what?  

One thing I struggle with on a daily basis is feeling God at my core. I pray about this often. I see Him in everything around me. I know He's there. But why can't I feel Him at my core! Why can't I have that faith like some others have that hits you deep down inside and grabs a hold of everything you are?! I can't explain in words what I'm trying to say but I wanna feel Him in me!  

I am a pretty big SideWalk Prophets fan and as I was listening to their album this morning this song spoke to me. 

"Keep Making Me"

Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

[Chorus]

'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making,
I know You'll keep making
Lord, please keep making me 

God is still "Making me" and I need to constantly be broken to be molded into who HE wants me to be. My biggest issues is relinquishing control, fully trusting God, and getting out of my own BIG head and stop thinking for some reason I'm bigger then HIM!  Some days I struggle with the broken part, how do I get there? How do I break to get healed? Oh Lord, please break me! My prayer needs to be simply that!  I look at the older woman at our church and I feel so intimidated by their faith and their knowledge...their love for our Lord. I wanna get their...I crave it and I just want it now! HA! 

LORD, PLEASE KEEP MAKING ME!!

FYI: Faith Baptist Church in St.Mary's just started a study on The Storm Inside by Sheila Walsh. Would love to have you tag along with me!!!

Joy in every and all things....what??!!!

Monday...what a wonderful day you have been. And yes I am finding joy even in the midst of my burnt body! :) What a total blessing it was to have two beautiful days in a row and to bask in this wonderful sunshine and warmth...God is good!!!!

The message at church yesterday truly touched me and opened my eyes. J-O-Y. Having Joy at ALL times. Can we even grasp that? I have so many sermon notes. Filled my "fill in the blank thingy" completely up! So a lot of my next lines will be about the things our pastor said and not me speaking. Something I really struggled with hearing yesterday was how while Jesus was headed to the cross he said to the Father, I want them to have the same joy I have right now. Does that not go right through you??!! Jesus had JOY while being beaten and bruised. Nails through his hands and feet! Thorns pushed into his head. Whipped. Spit on. He found Joy! What is wrong with Him?

 Ever think that maybe the situation you are in right now, while it may stink, could possibly bring a huge blessing? See, all we tend to do is focus on the negative, the hurt, the pain, everything that's going on around us instead of focusing on God and keeping our eyes pointing tords Him. Why can't we realize just how much He loves us and wants to protect us? Life is hard! I say it all the time and I even tend to add in how it can down right "suck"! But the pain is never to much...that pain may just bring such incredible joy. Don't let the battle (life) be such a struggle cause it will ALWAYS continue but HE will ALWAYS be in control!!! 

While I'm sitting in church being hit by the reality of all this and how I'm not to incredibly sure I'm always thinking Joy In the  midst of my trials I was hit by a huge reality. Trent Cole Rice. Years ago while facing all the harsh fertility realities I can't say I felt much joy. But do you know how very much my Father must love me???! Beyond anything I can ever imagine is how very much. Without that pain and trial in our lives we wouldn't have been blessed with our baby boy! I am so SO incredibly thankful for that pain and trial God took us through to bless us the way HE did and yet did we deserve it? No, and yet HE loves us enough to say we did. MY GOD IS SO BIG!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh I can't describe how overly joyed I am thinking about that! **tears**

I can't say that life will every be easy or even easier because it won't and sometimes we can feel like it's one thing after the other and it's so very hard to find the good in that...the joy. But God is good. And He loves us. And nothing He will ever do is to harm us. There will be blessings! He is for me!!!! Trust Him! 

Also always remember that others are watching...how are we handling our trials and what is our attitude saying about where Christ stands in our lives?

***I would like to ask something of you all as well...please be in prayer for a very young girl in our town. Chloe Frank 12 years old. She is currently fighting cancer (ALL) and while her journey has recently begun with this nasty disease she is not doing to well right now. My heart breaks for her and her family! We need to surround this family with prayer and love at this time! I can't imagine being in their shoes...I know God is working but that doesn't mean this family is currently feeling that and they need our strength to help pull them through. Thank you! And if you want to check out her FB page it's Courage for Chloe. They also have a go-fund me account.