This blog is gonna get very personal. My emotions are very much so on my sleeves when it comes to my kiddos and today I'm feeling like sharing some brutally honest truth from a foster momma's heart.
I knew when we felt God was calling us into foster care 2 1\2 years ago that it wasn't going to be easy. However, I never truly grasped how much I was going to have to try and accepted that not everyone would come along and accept our decision and support us and band together with us as we love and cherish every child that enters our home. From Christmas, to Birthdays, to simply just being kind and holding these children close in prayers and supporting them because they not only need it but deserve it. TO NEVER SAY and MAKE ME FEEL you think they are a lost cause. This isn't about you! I wish people would step outside of their box and look at these precious children, children! They are children! Every child in our home is apart of our family, one is not over the other. We love them all and treat each and everyone of them like they are our personal children. I think some people think...well if or when they get adopted then we'll see them as part of the family...AWESOME! So in the process make a child who has already been through some of the worst times of their lives, times you yourself couldn't possibly imagine, make them feel unaccepted and second rate. Or it's easier to accept a baby but teens....that's a scary one.
We have a wonderful teenager in our home. She has been through more pain and hurt then I could every imagine and on a weekly basis is made to feel completely unloved and unwanted by her own parents. She was brought up in a home that basically consisted of 3rd world living conditions. She was pregnant at 14 years old...she was still a baby and now everyone instantly thought she could be a mom...and a good mom. How can someone who was never showed what a mom is to be like, be a mom? And how about we hold it against her when she struggles being a mom. Her Dad was never in her life and yet has other children that he willing takes care of, so imagine feeling not good enough to be loved by your own dad. Then the boy she thought loved her and cared for her and made a baby with her, walks away from her and their baby. 15 years of being taught one way and expecting her to change over night to be "accepted" and wanted. Josie missed so much school in fear that if she went her brothers wouldn't be cared for and would get hurt...imagine that being a burden to carry. Imagine holding the burden on your back that YOU were the cause for CYS taking and splitting up your family instead of your parents being at fault for not taking care of you. Josie hasn't even begun to deal with her past and all she has been through, but she is working hard on changing who she is and who she wants to be...imagine the day reality hits for her. Her brothers are struggling like crazy with PTSD, nightmares and multiple others things trying to cope with all they've been through and yet Josie doesn't even remember it and she is 6 years older then her oldest brother. With all that God is doing amazing work in Josie's life and in her heart. He's working on her and we can see small changes every week in the girl she is becoming...but this wont happen over night, it took years to get her where she is and it will take years to undo some of that damage. BUT I fully trust that God WILL do amazing things in Josie's life.
Then we have a little boy who is another child to us. A little boy who needs tons of love and attention. His mother is still learning how to be the mom he needs and while she is learning he needs us to surround him with all the love and attention she can't currently give. He too has a Dad who doesn't want to step up and be a Dad. But if I have anything to do with it, this little boy will never know anything more then love, love, love and acceptance. He is wanted and he is right where he needs to be. God has big plans for him!
Last but not least, of course, sweet Rylee. She has been with us for right over 2 years now and I think most people are now fully accepting of her being in our family. Which is great! But why did it take this long? Shouldn't we always plan for the child to stay? Hope and pray the families can get it together but be fully prepared that maybe they wont? From the moment we got Rylee I made a commitment that whatever we've done for Trent we would do for you. I never want to look back and say man if only we new we were going to adopt her we would have done more all along the way....NO, I wanna always do all the little things. Make these children, each and every one of them, feel completely one of us, fully apart of our family.
I know that there will come a day that a child who has come in our home will go home. And no one can prepare for that heartache. I've been told by long time foster parents that it simply feels like they've died and you mourn and then slowly move on. I contemplate that day and I just pray that during the time these kiddos are in our home I do all I can to make them feel loved and instill great moral and rock their world with Jesus' love. Show them there's so much more then what this world has to offer. I wish that everyone around us and all of our family could view each of our 4 children equal and love them each the same....I also know that I need to accept if they don't. But when my 15 year old makes comments because she doesn't understand why she is treated different and I have to think of a loving way to respond it completely breaks my heart. Please don't make these children feel unaccepted.
I will say this, there maybe a few bad apples surrounding us in our fostering journey but we also have some AMAZING people who have just come and surrounded us with support and love beyond anything we could imagine. We couldn't be more thankful for all those people. As I worked through this blog my emotions have come under control and I just...I just want people to think about their actions and their words and how it may possibly impact someone else. Be more! Love one another exactly where they are at! And please try and understand that a child always needs to know they are loved and supported and accepted.
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy. Ps 82:3-4
