Christmas time and all that brings.

This Christmas I'm more thankful then ever. God has been doing such great things this year for our family. As I sit and think about this past year and actually years past I'm sitting in aw. We have been through so much as a family and we have had quite a bit thrown at us at times that I wasn't sure how we would ever get back up from the floor. From Steve needing knee surgery to wrecking our only vehicle, Trents leg issue, a miscarriage and not succeeding in getting pregnant time after time, financial difficulties that constantly resurface to now being in a completely different place and having a home and having Rylee. I could go on and on about all the bad but we all have bad and mine is no worse then any others. However even in our bad times I know that God is good and he knows the plans he has for me. That actually makes me choke up. God takes care of me....ME?!? I fail daily and I make poor choices and yet I have a God that will never turn his back on me. I also have friends and family that would do anything for me. What a wonderful thing. We have been so blessed. This year Steve made a very difficult decision to take on a new job and move our family away from everything we have grown to love, family, friends, and all our normal surroundings. He wanted to make a new start for us, something fresh. We didn't know what God had in store or if we were actually doing exactly what we should but after much prayer and seeking advice God opened doors. We were really blessed in the past few years by a few people helping us out and I could never EVER thank them enough...my heart is heavy and I tear up thinking about where we are due to the help we have been given.  Now here I am thinking about only how much I have to be thankful for...the good out weighs the bad on any day. We have our health, a roof over our heads and our family. I told Steve recently, as he was struggling to notice all the good while soaking in a pity party we all can get caught up in, that I would live in a box if that's where God wanted me as long as I had my family. I have more then I could ever need and defly more then I ever deserve. 


For the past few years all I wanna do is give back, help those less fortunate or struggling, I don't have a lot to give but I would give the shirt right off my back. Hey isn't that what we're called to do anyways? I can't always give financially and that's not the only way to help people anyways. We now have Rylee and currently we're helping her and her mom by simply being there for the both of them while Rylees mom gets the help she needs. Rylee is the sweetest little girl and while days can be long and stressful as she's teething or just crying for attention this is Gods calling for me and I will rejoice in it. I love having her in our home, even though it's temporary. She smiles and it just brightens your whole day. I love being a foster mom and I can't wait to get another child in our home. Its hard with two but hey lets add 3!!!! Children and Youth recently told me they have been very busy with cases and so I said hey our house is open for another child....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Our house will feel even smaller and our vehicle is not prime for 3 kids, 2 adults and 2 dogs but we'll figure it out as it happens. Let the good times roll, right? Hey if there's a child that needs loving and a family that needs us to take care of their child while they get the much needed help they need I'm here to help. I've always wanted a full house and God is giving me that. I do struggle with something though...what I want others to understand is that fostering is our calling it's not everyone calling and I know as we get more children things could get harder. But as these children are in our home they are our children. We treat them as our own and we would wish that others would do the same. I never want a child to look at Trent and see him get this or that and they are with nothing. As Trent gets gifts this Christmas Rylee will as well. Granted she's 6 months old and doesn't have a clue but when we have a 3 year old or whatever age they will be treated the same as Trent is. I never want a child in my home blood or not feeling like they are less important and having to explain why they don't get what Trent does. So as I'm saying this I'm asking anyone who's giving to Trent to please respect us with this. I know not everyone, family and Friends understands what we're doing but I do ask this. Please only ever give if you are giving for all our children. I know what its like as a child to feel less important then another and it breaks my heart to think someone would want a child who's already struggling with out Mom or Dad and what they were use to feel less important or be sad cause they aren't receiving just the same as another child. That goes for gifts or simply loving...help us love these children for that is exactly what they need the most. 

I'm so excited for this Christmas seasoning and getting together with family and friends and celebrating all the joys in life including the birth of our Jesus. I'm excited to start new family traditions this year in our new home. What an exciting time!!! I hope everyone has a great holiday season. Please remember the true meaning of Christmas and have others be our main focus. Remember not everyone has a great Christmas and lots of people are suffering.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!! 

It's been too long.

Good morning all! I figured it's been quite a while so it's time to blog a bit. 

This day started way to early at 430 with a little girl who decided it was time to be wide awake. Luckily I'm a pretty good morning person it's the night times I struggle with. Rylee has decided lately that she is into crying and being held all the time or she'll cry. And she loves early mornings! We're battling, her need to be held and my need to break her of that bad habit before it gets too bad. The crying though....it goes right through me! Yesterday she was awake from 1 till 6 and I finally said enough and had her battle it out for a half hour of crying till she crashed! That was hard! She's such a sweetie though and her smile just lights you up. Love how bright and early in the morning she smiles away like haha were up =) I love having her in my home and loving her while she's here. Lately Trent's been really struggling with her presence and that's really hard. He wants no connection with her and struggles when I hold her. It's completely heart breaking for me. I want him to adjust and be okay with her here and not be resentful of our decision to bring foster children into our home. Not sure how to help him with this and I think it's started to effect me with Rylee. Trent's my baby and I don't want him to think Mommy loves someone more and not understand why sometimes her needs come first. He wont even acknowledge her and that's hard. If anyone has advice on this please share!!! 

Got word yesterday that Rylee's Mom wants to have phone conversations with us. We were asked if we were open to that and I said yes. It will be nice to break the ice with her mom before our visits with her start and to maybe get to know her a bit. I truly pray her Mom will get it and realize whats she's at risk of losing if she doesn't pull it together. 

So as for other things going on. Today Steve is out hunting. 2 days paid hunting days. What a huge blessing this new job has been for us. Steve's boss truly treats his guys right! I was so worried about Steve having to be off the first 2 days of deer season (they have to be out of the woods due to bullets flying around) cause we can't afford time off unless paid and to our surprise it's paid!!! Another blessing Steve's cousin who has been out of our lives for a few months went hunting with all of them. I know it doesn't mean all is well but it's a step, a simple step that means a lot to me...progress in maybe eventually rebuilding that broken relationship. 

A lot has been on my mind lately. Things completely out of my control and things I need to just hand to the Lord in prayer. I'm not rich and we struggle everyday financially but I'm so blessed, blessed beyond words and more blessed then I could ever deserve. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, food on my table and family and friends that I love. I even have SO many things that I don't need and have simply cause I WANT them! As I look around and see and hear people...my heart breaks. Families, mothers and fathers having to say good bye too early to their precious babies, losing other family and friends too early. Sickness. Job loss. Divorce and all the heart break with that. Families fighting. Unforgiving people. Abuse. Children without homes. Families without homes. Starving people. Today all these things have sorta just consumed me. Some people, including myself some days just don't realize how much we have. I wish so bad I could help more then I do. I wish so many people would realize that regardless of their situations that there is a God that is bigger then all of it and he loves us. Heaven is FOR REAL! God is real and more real then we will ever know if we just turn to and rely on him. Words for myself daily! I NEED him!!! I don't have a lot in my bank account but I would give everything I have to help people. To open peoples eyes to the goodness of our Jesus. Everyday I struggle even with my relationship with God and building it stronger and fully relying on him with everything I have but today my prayer is that I change that and work on it. Trusting him and laying all of my burdens on him. But especially to not be blinded by others needs and to have a heart to give. God is good and I will never doubt that! 

Have a great day everyone!