It's been too long.

Good morning all! I figured it's been quite a while so it's time to blog a bit. 

This day started way to early at 430 with a little girl who decided it was time to be wide awake. Luckily I'm a pretty good morning person it's the night times I struggle with. Rylee has decided lately that she is into crying and being held all the time or she'll cry. And she loves early mornings! We're battling, her need to be held and my need to break her of that bad habit before it gets too bad. The crying though....it goes right through me! Yesterday she was awake from 1 till 6 and I finally said enough and had her battle it out for a half hour of crying till she crashed! That was hard! She's such a sweetie though and her smile just lights you up. Love how bright and early in the morning she smiles away like haha were up =) I love having her in my home and loving her while she's here. Lately Trent's been really struggling with her presence and that's really hard. He wants no connection with her and struggles when I hold her. It's completely heart breaking for me. I want him to adjust and be okay with her here and not be resentful of our decision to bring foster children into our home. Not sure how to help him with this and I think it's started to effect me with Rylee. Trent's my baby and I don't want him to think Mommy loves someone more and not understand why sometimes her needs come first. He wont even acknowledge her and that's hard. If anyone has advice on this please share!!! 

Got word yesterday that Rylee's Mom wants to have phone conversations with us. We were asked if we were open to that and I said yes. It will be nice to break the ice with her mom before our visits with her start and to maybe get to know her a bit. I truly pray her Mom will get it and realize whats she's at risk of losing if she doesn't pull it together. 

So as for other things going on. Today Steve is out hunting. 2 days paid hunting days. What a huge blessing this new job has been for us. Steve's boss truly treats his guys right! I was so worried about Steve having to be off the first 2 days of deer season (they have to be out of the woods due to bullets flying around) cause we can't afford time off unless paid and to our surprise it's paid!!! Another blessing Steve's cousin who has been out of our lives for a few months went hunting with all of them. I know it doesn't mean all is well but it's a step, a simple step that means a lot to me...progress in maybe eventually rebuilding that broken relationship. 

A lot has been on my mind lately. Things completely out of my control and things I need to just hand to the Lord in prayer. I'm not rich and we struggle everyday financially but I'm so blessed, blessed beyond words and more blessed then I could ever deserve. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, food on my table and family and friends that I love. I even have SO many things that I don't need and have simply cause I WANT them! As I look around and see and hear people...my heart breaks. Families, mothers and fathers having to say good bye too early to their precious babies, losing other family and friends too early. Sickness. Job loss. Divorce and all the heart break with that. Families fighting. Unforgiving people. Abuse. Children without homes. Families without homes. Starving people. Today all these things have sorta just consumed me. Some people, including myself some days just don't realize how much we have. I wish so bad I could help more then I do. I wish so many people would realize that regardless of their situations that there is a God that is bigger then all of it and he loves us. Heaven is FOR REAL! God is real and more real then we will ever know if we just turn to and rely on him. Words for myself daily! I NEED him!!! I don't have a lot in my bank account but I would give everything I have to help people. To open peoples eyes to the goodness of our Jesus. Everyday I struggle even with my relationship with God and building it stronger and fully relying on him with everything I have but today my prayer is that I change that and work on it. Trusting him and laying all of my burdens on him. But especially to not be blinded by others needs and to have a heart to give. God is good and I will never doubt that! 

Have a great day everyone!