When I became a mom 8 years ago no one warned me about "mommy brain" and how very much I would feel through the years like I have very much so lost my mind. "Mommy brain" is crazy!! And it's real!! I lose my keys because for some reason I insist on having the biggest purse possible to store all the items I feel needed through out the day....I search and search and search while growing more and more anxious that I will be sitting somewhere waiting for a ride to bring me a set of keys and I typically have the "spare set" sitting in the consul of the vehicle. In one case my "lost" keys were still in the running vehicle while I'm shopping in the grocery store. (insert eye rolling emoji). I forget to turn off lights in a vehicle I didn't need to turn them on because they "automatically" come on and yet my controlling side tells me I have to do that myself and do so to not turn them off. 40min from home and freaking out because my Dad can't come save me and I have to figure this out on my own....Big Girl Panties. I never pump gas in the vehicle on time, the gas light is the warning that sometime soon I better find a gas station but I totally have tons of time....until I don't and I'm pumping 30.2 gallons in a 30 gallon tank and thanking Jesus we made it!!! I forget or run late to every.single.appointment because A. I never remember to look at the calendar and the multiple 'post it's' I've made for myself or B I think I have all the time in the world and never do. Then add in I can't find my keys and we have no gas and that's my life. I run around like a chicken with it's head cut off because I'm late and flabber gasted and know I'm forgetting something and trying frantically to remember what that is while forgetting what I'm suppose to be doing at that moment because I'm concentrating so very hard on the forgetten thing. UGH!!!! Two Sunday ago I showed up at church so excited to teach Sunday School with these cute little home made cut out cookies of the ten commandments to find out I had class the Sunday before.....I've gone grocery shopping and went to check out to realize I didn't have my purse OR a card on me at all to pay!!!! Very thankful my daughter works there and could pay my bill! I hate the grocery store and going out in public to shop in anyway. I get so excited to go and instantly get overwhelmed after arriving and therefore hurry myself along and forget everything on my list and finding myself back in the store the next day. I am beyond thankful for Amazon Prime and any other online shopping that keeps me in the 4 walls of my home. I can't wait for our closest Walmart to offer PU for grocery orders!!!!
A few things you may not know about me other then learning how lost I am most days. I love being a mom, it's the most rewarding and non rewarding job all at the same time. I love caring for my family. I love doing laundry, vacuuming, doing the dishes, cooking, and doing them all to the best of my ability, because God gave me this awesome opportunity to be a SAHM and I wanna do it well. Everyday I feel like I'm living a dream and I'm this 12 yr old girl just playing house. So weird and yet true and I'm wondering when I will wake up. I could very well be a hermit. I love the 4 walls of my home and staying right here. I am not a social butterfly and find it very easy to simply stay away from people and activities. I love chatting with people but the thought of putting myself out there and starting up a conversation scares me to death. I walk around public places looking all directions incase I need to avoid someone and a conversation....not because I don't like the person but because my list of things to talk about consists of the current weather....awkward. My anxiety sky rockets when I think about being around people I will need to convers with, again, not because I don't like people but because I have NO clue what to say to people....I go completely blank. I walk around with a stern face because I'm always thinking of a thousand things, like my missing keys, lost cards and what I could say to someone encase I am approached that I know I look like the most unkind person EVER! I swear to work on this and it's being written on a 'post it' as we speak so I can remember to do just that. I love tattoos, piercings (24 at one point) and skulls about as much as I love Jesus. I call it classy with a side of trashy. I love saving money, coupons, sales, etc. Nothing excites me more then a deal but I will not buy it if I don't need it right away. My husband insists on stocking up on items we use a lot of so it's on hand and it drives me insane because I don't like spending money now on something I wont use for a few weeks. And every six months I do a run down through the house to rid the house of items we haven't touched. I can't stand not having an afternoon break, it ruins my day. I'm a baby about this. I do not adjust very easy to a change in my daily schedule, unless I decide on that change. Anything that disrupts my "normal" causes me days and days of tiredness, and chances are it follows with a cold of some kind because I've now run myself down. Which is usually why after we get a placement you will find me sick. I've always been this way my mom says, high school I was out sick a lot due to any change of my schedule. Another fun fact, I skipped school A LOT in high school....shhhhhhh don't tell my kids. I almost didn't graduate and it's why I'm extremely hard on my oldest to finish and finish well....those horrible transcripts will follow you the rest of your life. Another fun fact....Johnson and Wales was my college dream, Chef's Choice. But God had other plans for my life and I'm okay with that. I worked construction for 12 years and I LOVED it!!! Bet you can't even remotely picture that. I love the smell of used books and thinking of all the people who have read and enjoyed them before me. I never don't have shoes on....my kids and husband take their shoes off at the door at my request and yet the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is put on a pair of comfy socks and shoes. I can't stand not having shoes on....I blame my bad feet and back. I hate to hear people eat cereal....the slurping of milk drives me nuts....not to mention I hate milk!!! ICK!!!! I make my bed every single morning because I fully believe it sets the standard for my day. I hate brushing my teeth...hate it! I gag every single time and it makes for a horrible time. Another fun fact I brush my teeth in the shower. I played piano for 9years and I fully believe because I didn't use that talent God may have taken it from me...I have stage freight. I can't stand dedicated days to myself, or any kind of focus on me. Birthdays, Mothers Day, Valentines day. I would rather skip those days. I get to be a nervous wreck, not sure why but I truly would prefer to just not make a big deal. Well I guess that list could go on and on because I'm a rather picky person with lots of corks and add that to a very controlling personality which I fully blame on my Grandmother who I love dearly...yep this is me, take it or leave it. I stumble, I fall, I have so many short comings, God is deftly still working on me and I'm beyond thankful for that.
{If you are an English major or you are super good at identifying all the amazing grammar mistakes I've made and continue to make, good for you! That would be a side of me I don't care to work on. Usually I never proof read anything I write till after the fact and then my husband so graciously points out all my mistakes....yay!}
See I'm lost most days, and people probably find me a bit crazy. I overload my plate and think I can conquer everything and do it all and in the process I'm losing my mind and LOVING EVERY SINGLE moment of it!!!! I call it organized chaos and it's my wonderful, AMAZING life!!! I'm picky, and controlling, I'm hard on my kids, I expect greatness, I believe when you make a mistake you own it and make it right, don't make excuses, don't complain, if you wont fix something. I heat my house to 74 degrees and yet can't sleep at night without having the bedroom at igloo temp. I want another baby so bad and that in turns means I'm hoping one enters the system and yet I pray that family that was torn apart can then pull it together and get that child back. Confusing much?! This is me and I'm real and raw and most people don't get me and that's okay. I believe God blessed me with the good, the bad, and the ugly and knew I could do it BECAUSE of Him! Everything that makes me ME is because of where I've been and the road I've walked and I was never alone and I will never be alone. My Jesus Loves me and because of Him I can do crazy and I can wake up everyday to conquer whatever is thrown my way and I will continue to pray that I will one day not be so lost and flabber minded and looking like a fool.
Yep this is me and my CrAzY Awesome, Amazingly Blessed Life!
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