Do Something

"When Love Takes You In"

I know you've heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You've heard about a place called home
But there doesn't seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you're sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

Ok. Here it is. The brutally honest side of my view of our fertility issues. Yes it's my Birthday and I spent most of my day contemplating fostering stuff. And so that made me an emotional wreck. Even as I sit here typing my eyes are glazed over from the tears that will for sure fall at anytime. When I say "issues" its simply because I have no clue what else to call it. We can't have children. Least not like most. And today I can officially say I'm absolutely thankful that we can't. I love Trent to no end and I wouldn't change that for anything. Out of that hardship came a blessing. And I always ALWAYS trusted God to do just that. Blessings in disguise. I know how blessed I was with giving birth to Trent, some woman never get to experience child birth and for them my heart aches. My heart breaks for any husband and wife going through  fertility issues, struggling, questioning, breaking, crying out to God. I've been there and till this day, looking back, I still tear up. It's SO hard!!!! I can still look back and wonder why? Why did we go through that, why all the hurt, the pain, loss of a baby, what did it all mean? For me, it taught me a greater trust. I know that God is holding me tightly in His hands. And even when I hurt and I don't understand, He knows and he's saying trust me and watch whats going to happen next. I don't know about you but that gets me excited!!! See, and I could absolutely be wrong, but I believe God said I have something SO much better for you guys. A family but a family made up of children who need you more then you will ever know.

We've come across another unique situation that we were asked to consider not one, but two children who need some assistance. It's a tough situation and it will take a lot of time, patience and support from those around us. We've reached out to people seeking advice and we're praying very hard that God will open or close doors. See my heart says take them all!!! And I would never be able to turn any child away. However not every child is meant for our home and we cant, maybe, handle every situation that comes are way the best,  and someone else maybe more fit. So while we were asked it maybe just like with Oliviana, a door was opened and then closed. And while I was ready to open it wide God said no...not this time. And for that I am thankful! He is in control and He has our best interests at heart.

 People don't get it and many discourage it. I hear WAY too often how hard it will be and how we shouldn't take the huge challenge on...it'll be too hard and all I hear is what a lost cause some children are in some peoples eyes. My heart breaks to hear people say things like that. See we signed up for this. I never for once thought foster care would be an easy road. Geesh though, turn children away cause it's gonna be a challenge? I have to shudder a bit at that...why wouldn't a child in foster care come with "issues"?! They've been through a pile of muck and have no clue whats to come.

We've also heard and even Steve has thought how small our home is and how we just don't have the best vehicle for 4 kids in one family. Well thats pish posh to me!! We have a roof, beds, seats and seat belts, food, a bathroom, more toys then 100 kids need, and love to share around the block 5 times. What else do these kiddos need? You know what they need more then that...Jesus! And that we have as well!!! 

I trust 150% that if God opens a door he will let the blessings flow. No that doesn't mean it's not going to be hard but it means He will be there all along the way!! When I say that...it's truth and it goes right through me every time I say it cause I absolutely believe it! God will never leave me nor forsake me. If He leads us in a certain direction He will guide us all along the way. My heart breaks for people who can't see past the struggles, the hard, the difficult, the lack of, the "unfit". I'm more then "unfit" for this job and I giggle at the tasks I take on, but see God is bigger then me and all He wants me to do is be willing and willing I AM!!!! 

I know that fostering isn't for everyone and I know some people commend us for what we do and some people think we're straight up crazy. And I guess it takes a little bit of crazy to do this job and I'm ok with that. Everyone might not understand it and they simply don't get it. It's ok...I don't get why people don't wanna save every child like I do. But God made us different and God equipped me for this and you for something else. All I know is God called us for this job and because of that I'm ready, willing and able to the best of my ability. 

Matthew West says it perfectly in his song "Do Something"

"Do Something"

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said, “I did, I created you”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

I’m so tired of talking
About how we are God’s hands and feet
But it’s easier to say than to be
Live like angels of apathy who tell ourselves
It’s alright, “somebody else will do something”
Well, I don’t know about you
But I’m sick and tired of life with no desire
I don’t want a flame, I want a fire
I wanna be the one who stands up and says,
“I’m gonna do something”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

We are the salt of the earth
We are a city on a hill (shine shine, shine shine)
But we’re never gonna change the world
By standing still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something [x3]

Please Feel Free to keep us all in your prayers as we continue this journey. 

Lord, Please Keep Making Me

"He Knows My Name"

Spent today in a conversation
In the mirror face to face with
somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if
I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if
You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing

[Chorus:]
I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

I'm not meant to just stay quiet
I'm meant to be a lion
I'll roar beyond a song
With every moment that I've got
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing

[Chorus]

He calls me chosen, free forgiven, wanted, child of the King,
His forever, held in treasure...
I am loved

I don't need my name in lights...
I'm famous in my Father's eyes...

[Chorus] 

https://youtu.be/1NHQJWdXfFE 

What an amazing thing to know....HE KNOWS MY NAME! 

 Last night I attended our church womans Bible study and we read a bit into the Samaritan woman at the well. Everyone over looked this woman, she was a nobody, invisible. And yet Jesus saw her. He loved her!  What an amazing thing WE NEED TO KNOW and fully believe, HE loves us!!! And HE is for us!  WOW!!!! That just goes right through me. I will never be invisible to my Jesus! He sees everything I do, he hears all my cries, He sees my failures and my achievements. The good, the bad and the ugly. And He loves me and ALWAYS will! I am HIS! He is mine and nothing I do will ever separate me from that!  Cause geesh I am so undeserving....

"Undeserving" a lie from satan. How sad it is that we find it SO easy to believe how very much we don't deserve because of who we think we are. Lies! God says we deserve ALL He is giving us! He loves us THAT much!!! Why can't we grasp that?! We can easily grasp how undeserving we think we are but believing we deserve something good...we just can't do that. As I sit her writing this I can't grasp this. I know God loves me but how do I deserve everything good He does for me...how? I fall short every. single. day! I don't spend time with him, I don't try to make time, I push Him away, I block Him out. So why does He keep saying I love you and that will never change, no matter what?  

One thing I struggle with on a daily basis is feeling God at my core. I pray about this often. I see Him in everything around me. I know He's there. But why can't I feel Him at my core! Why can't I have that faith like some others have that hits you deep down inside and grabs a hold of everything you are?! I can't explain in words what I'm trying to say but I wanna feel Him in me!  

I am a pretty big SideWalk Prophets fan and as I was listening to their album this morning this song spoke to me. 

"Keep Making Me"

Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

[Chorus]

'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making,
I know You'll keep making
Lord, please keep making me 

God is still "Making me" and I need to constantly be broken to be molded into who HE wants me to be. My biggest issues is relinquishing control, fully trusting God, and getting out of my own BIG head and stop thinking for some reason I'm bigger then HIM!  Some days I struggle with the broken part, how do I get there? How do I break to get healed? Oh Lord, please break me! My prayer needs to be simply that!  I look at the older woman at our church and I feel so intimidated by their faith and their knowledge...their love for our Lord. I wanna get their...I crave it and I just want it now! HA! 

LORD, PLEASE KEEP MAKING ME!!

FYI: Faith Baptist Church in St.Mary's just started a study on The Storm Inside by Sheila Walsh. Would love to have you tag along with me!!!

Joy in every and all things....what??!!!

Monday...what a wonderful day you have been. And yes I am finding joy even in the midst of my burnt body! :) What a total blessing it was to have two beautiful days in a row and to bask in this wonderful sunshine and warmth...God is good!!!!

The message at church yesterday truly touched me and opened my eyes. J-O-Y. Having Joy at ALL times. Can we even grasp that? I have so many sermon notes. Filled my "fill in the blank thingy" completely up! So a lot of my next lines will be about the things our pastor said and not me speaking. Something I really struggled with hearing yesterday was how while Jesus was headed to the cross he said to the Father, I want them to have the same joy I have right now. Does that not go right through you??!! Jesus had JOY while being beaten and bruised. Nails through his hands and feet! Thorns pushed into his head. Whipped. Spit on. He found Joy! What is wrong with Him?

 Ever think that maybe the situation you are in right now, while it may stink, could possibly bring a huge blessing? See, all we tend to do is focus on the negative, the hurt, the pain, everything that's going on around us instead of focusing on God and keeping our eyes pointing tords Him. Why can't we realize just how much He loves us and wants to protect us? Life is hard! I say it all the time and I even tend to add in how it can down right "suck"! But the pain is never to much...that pain may just bring such incredible joy. Don't let the battle (life) be such a struggle cause it will ALWAYS continue but HE will ALWAYS be in control!!! 

While I'm sitting in church being hit by the reality of all this and how I'm not to incredibly sure I'm always thinking Joy In the  midst of my trials I was hit by a huge reality. Trent Cole Rice. Years ago while facing all the harsh fertility realities I can't say I felt much joy. But do you know how very much my Father must love me???! Beyond anything I can ever imagine is how very much. Without that pain and trial in our lives we wouldn't have been blessed with our baby boy! I am so SO incredibly thankful for that pain and trial God took us through to bless us the way HE did and yet did we deserve it? No, and yet HE loves us enough to say we did. MY GOD IS SO BIG!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh I can't describe how overly joyed I am thinking about that! **tears**

I can't say that life will every be easy or even easier because it won't and sometimes we can feel like it's one thing after the other and it's so very hard to find the good in that...the joy. But God is good. And He loves us. And nothing He will ever do is to harm us. There will be blessings! He is for me!!!! Trust Him! 

Also always remember that others are watching...how are we handling our trials and what is our attitude saying about where Christ stands in our lives?

***I would like to ask something of you all as well...please be in prayer for a very young girl in our town. Chloe Frank 12 years old. She is currently fighting cancer (ALL) and while her journey has recently begun with this nasty disease she is not doing to well right now. My heart breaks for her and her family! We need to surround this family with prayer and love at this time! I can't imagine being in their shoes...I know God is working but that doesn't mean this family is currently feeling that and they need our strength to help pull them through. Thank you! And if you want to check out her FB page it's Courage for Chloe. They also have a go-fund me account. 

Is it bedtime yet?

This is no longer knew to me and yet it doesn't make the day go any easier....court days are NO fun! 

Started off the day with screaming from Rylee with a continuous repeating of "cup" "cup" "cup"! And no it does not stop! Miss Rylee can be like an awful record on repeat. She just won't stop! Add in Trents whining from his lovely digestive issues, Holidays or vacations away you can guarantee constipation. Sunny our fat cat thinking she's starving and Harley throwing up on the floor. I was crazy before I even downed my first cup of coffee, begging for patience and peace for the day! All that on top of my urge to start an all out fight with my allergies and things were starting out just wonderful! On a good note things did get a bit better. After mineral oil yesterday, a fruit and veggie diet for two days and milk magnesium and a subpository this morning Trent finally went to the bathroom!!! Ugh! Thought maybe just maybe he would out grow this awful curse, but nope! Today constipation, tomorrow the opposite...but hopefully back to school! So see that's good! And then my Dad and Steve worked on the deck for a short time in between rain. So progress!! Decided since the day was going so well I would write Olivianas Grandma and see how things were going.....not what I wanted to hear. Apparently we were great candidates but our location was the issue. So I'm sad. And more then that just confused. Why was that door even ever opened???!!! Why the call, why the anticipation and excitement only to have the door slammed in our face! I may never understand. But God has a reason and still does I'm sure. Doesn't help me feel better right now though...I really got my hopes up there and I shouldn't have. Court lasted an hour and 3/4 today, so long and drawn out!! And so incredibly frustrating!!! Heart breaking even! I just don't understand why I need to be there and endure that....worst part of fostering so far! However Rylee is staying in our home and we're pretty happy with that! Came home to asking if Steve could take care of dinner for us, I swear my anxiety and stress comes afterwards when I have a second to evaluate all that happened and feel I can file it away in my head. Weird but how I work. Before hand I avoid and ignore and say I'm completely fine...on the outside and subconsciously scream on the inside. Can't explain it to well. So I just can't wait for bedtime and quiet time. A fresh start in the morning! Cause to be honest, today just sucks! Sorry for the nasty use of that word but it does. 

Gonna finish this blog by saying how very thankful I am for a God who loves me and takes care of me and knows what's best for me! Doesn't mean days won't completely stink and we won't struggle and have periods of time where we just wanna throw in the towel. But tomorrow is new and one day all this will be gone! I'm going to choose to focus....or try to focus on all that! Cause man today I could easily get sucked into poor me, all I want is babies and a full house and a hig family....why why why!!!! 

God IS good...ALL THE TIME! 

ANNOYING!!!!

Ever have a whole conversation with someone to five minutes later realize they didn't hear a word you sad? Doesn't it make you feel about as small as an ant? Ever wonder if technology is taking over and sucking all the attention from everything else that matters? Ever look around and wonder what happened to common respect and courtesy?

I read something in a blog the other day and it was about being married and the little things that annoy us with our spouse. Are those little annoyances worth the negative thoughts that travel through our head? Do we need to just change our mind about certain things and realize that they just aren't that bad and that maybe the other person just can't that quickly change them for us. Sometimes people don't do things just to annoy us it's just something they do...make sense? I know I know I actually hated reading that! And yet what truth and truth I shout quite often. EVERYTHING ISN'T ABOUT ME!!! I could make a very long list of annoyances about Steve and I'm 100% sure he could do the same about me and yet if I dwell on those things I can quickly get sucked into the negative mind set and I can no longer even see why I love him in the first place, all the good things, and those things out way the bad....I think ;). See if I sit and go over all my flaws and make that same list I sometimes can make with others I quickly fall off that pedestal I can put myself on.

-I'm controlling
-I'm loud
-I bite my finger nails if I'm bored
-love a debate, I'm a good arguer
-I'm stubborn
-I ALWAYS get the last word
-I 'parent' everyone
-I believe I'm right.....
-I'm demanding
-I bite the inside of my mouth when I'm thinking
-I tap my legs when I'm anxious
-I hate confined, tight areas where other people have to touch me
-You will never want me as a passenger in your car cause I freak out more then I don't
and this list could go a mile long if you ask those close to me about my annoyances.


See, My hubby, the love of my life since I was 17 years old. Yes from the first time I talked to him and he gave me a ride in his "cool car" I knew I would marry him and I fell hard and fast! He was and still is my bad boy! And when I look at him I still see that 21 year old boy I fell in love with. My list of annoyances I write down in my head for him can grow and grow from day to day, especially in layoff season...now! But then someone kicks that pedestal out from under me and when I'm sitting next to him and realize we're on the same human, we all make mistakes, level I see all the good we both have. I also quickly realize how my flaws can cause flaws in him and vice versa. Funny how that one works. We all have our things and we can't expect others to change themselves for us but we can deftly change ourselves for them. I was barking out commands this morning as I do, it's really completely normal here. As sad as it may seem I'm the in charge person. Don't get me wrong, I firmly believe the man is the head of the house and I fully respect my husband and know that God has given him that role. But on a day to day basis I tend to control how our days go and how we do things and its just how our day flows. As I was doing this this morning though I quickly realized that Steve heard nothing I said and then I found myself getting very frustrated. This really isn't abnormal. Steve quickly gets caught up in tv or his device and doesn't even realize I'm talking or even in the room. SO I kick him!!! Okay maybe not but I think about it and commit the act in my head! Haha!! I know Steve doesn't do this ignoring thing on purpose, he doesn't even realize he does it, and I know he truly loves me and does think I'm important and doesn't wanna make me feel any less then that. I wish it was easier for people to change the little disrespectful, annoying things but it's not. So lets change how we react to them. Lets love others and those flows.

***UGH!!!! Struggling with this blog as my husband is walking past me and yelling out my flaws so my above list can apparently be more accurate.

So this morning on this beautiful morning I encourage you to remember that you love others and while we can get annoyed and hurt, feel disrespected, mistreated, etc we have probably done the same thing to another. Love, embrace differences, embrace those annoying flaws cause we know positive ones come with them, be kind, remember we're human too. Remember, someday the ones we love and the ones with those crazy, annoying flaws will be gone and we'll probably miss them and their flaws.