Why's it SO stinking quiet in this house?!?!

As I contemplated how I would start my week I was oddly saddened by the realization of how quiet and almost boring our house would be, and let me tell you our house is never boring! But for me and the week I had last week, this week is starting off like a vacation. And let me just say it....I miss the crazyness!!!!! Where's the noise and busy-ness and running around with no sitting down time?! I miss Oliviana!!!! 

Here's a bit of info on how we got to get Miss Livy for the week.....

          A few months ago, maybe even as far back as Thanksgiving, my Grandma mentioned her sisters sons girlfriend (can you follow that train?!)  has a grandbaby that they maybe looking to adopt out. That they just can't handle a baby. They wanted to know what we thought. So I told my Grandma that I think it's a bad decision to consider splitting up siblings, Yes there is a brother, but that if they needed our help we would be there. I didn't get my hopes up just told her we'll see what happens. So all these months have gone past and we got a call again from my Grandma. I still wasn't sure how serious this family was. But my Dad made some calls to his Aunt and we set up a meet. A little over a week ago we met with Oliviana's Grandma and her at my Great Aunts house. Got some info on the family...Mom has been in and out of rehab and Dad is doing 5-10 in prison. Sad story. Grandma has been raising her Grandson since birth and he is now just turning 6. Oliviana officially came to live with her in October but was coming off and on since birth. Grandma just doesn't have the time for a baby. Oliviana spends almost all her time in daycare. I think it's a super selfless act for Grandma to realize she can't give Oliviana what she needs. Money can't but what this little girl truly needs....so they wanted a trial run and we committed!! And our crazy week began....

    Imagine this picture above, minus the gloves and two very crazy, aggressive, demanding, stubborn little girls! Yes, there was many full out Brawls! I can't even describe how crazy loud and nuts our house was. All I can say is that by the Grace of God I was surrounded by peace and calmness the whole time! I tell you I am meant for this job! And I know....God knew that all along! But seriously you just never know till you are in those shoes. Oliviana has a lot to learn. "No" was not a word she recognized and being told anything just went over her head. Tantrums are a mild word for what she would do when not getting her way. Two months apart in age from Rylee and they are so different in the things they can do. Rylee says 2-3 word sentences and Livy maybe 1-2 words. Rylee uses a spoon and fork and I'm pretty sure Livy had no clue what they even were. A bottle, which I broke the first day! But she's smart and as the week progressed she was catching on. It's simply someone putting in the time and teaching her, loving her, and showing her what a family is and that she's important and cared for. 

 ^^^^^^The only reason I do what I do, it's not about me in ANYWAY!^^^^^^

See I thrive in chaos and I'm bored with the "norm". Give me crazy and I'm happy! I can't stand sitting around and not feeling like I have stuff to do all the time! And I'm not talking the normal stuff, give me more! And yes I run things a certain way and I like doing it alone so to speak, I don't like help cause it just messes up all thats in its place in my head. Haha! Makes sense to me even if not to you! This is how God made me and He knew what I would be good for and thats this crazy huge family I see in our future!!!! Now if only some farm house and some land was added to that....a dream :) God has such HUGE plans for our family and I can't even describe how it makes me feel inside!!!!!!

        So now we wait. The part I AM NOT good at!!! I miss Oliviana and I don't know if she will return. Other families are being tried :( and thats a good thing and I know that. I know God opened this door for a reason and he has a plan either way. The quiet house is bringing me down and while I knew last week was a trial it was a lot harder to come home from dropping her off then I anticipated. I'm also struggling with Rylee....her "mom" is currently doing everything required to get her back and next week is court. Reality is she could go home. I know this! I do....but at this point I don't want her to. She deftly holds a huge part in our hearts. As did Oliviana even in the short week she was here. These precious little girls just need a family and love and that's all I pray for them!!! So I feel like things are way too in limbo for me and I have no control and at times I feel I can't breath. But then I'm reminded God opened these doors for a reason and ever since the beginning, finding out our "family" wouldn't be made the "normal" way I knew we would still have a family. A big one and I know God hears my cries, loves me and wants only the best for us and will do great things either way! He is good and loves me! 

        And what do I do when I feel overwhelmed? I pile things on. So this week I'm helping out at Trents school, making Easter candy, getting an estimate for a deck and hopefully getting that in the works :), cleaning (spring), yard work cause it's gonna be a beautiful week, believe it!, and who knows what else I can jam in! Oh yeah my grandparents are coming to town, woohoo!!!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful start to their week! 

This is my tune for the week.....

For goodness sakes be nice!

      Got a call this morning and was talking to a friend and my heart just hurt listening to her. 
    
      

Are people just simply confused as to what being kind means? Or does it just take too much effort? 

Wikipedia definition of Kindness is : Kindness is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions 

 For years I worked for my Dad and so I was surrounded by just men. And let me tell you, I will take the looks of "what are you doing here?" over the pettiness of woman any day. I don't mean to sound harsh (I tend to say that quite often #sorrynotsorry) but seriously woman can be so mean!!! The gossip and snobbishness. The attitudes. Moodiness. I'm not saying it's all woman in all work places but you will usually find at least one or two woman in almost every place who like to make it known how lovely they are to be around. I know there is usually a story behind the meanness, a life that didn't quite go the way we wanted, life at home isn't great, jealousy, hurt, bills, stress, sickness. That's life. And it can be hard! Does that mean we have the right to take it out on another? I also know that work brings it's own set of stresses. And we don't always get the best job of the day or the best co worker or at least the one we wanna work with, or Or OR. The list can go on for the amount of excuses we could have for why we have a poor attitude and take it out on those around us. Honestly I don't even care what the excuse is. If we go to work every single day and hate our job or find the need to pick on others. Be rude. Unkind. Nasty. Quit your job! Give everyone else that much! And it's not just about poor attitudes. But what about the gossiping? Grown woman sitting around, whispering and giggling over someone else. What about Bullying? Singling out one person to pick on. Weather it's because they are slow, fast, prettier, have more money, dress different, talk different, smarter, not so smart, the list could go on. And again we have every excuse in the book as to why we feel we have the right to treat someone else unkind. And yet, don't do it to us!

Ladies we really need to look at ourselves and make sure we are being an example...our little girls are watching us and with bullying at an all time high we truly need to watch the things we say and the things we stand around and listen to. Don't give into enjoying petty conversation. Don't laugh at anothers misfortune. And stop treating others like they simply don't matter. And if needed a 'post it' works wonderfully for Galations 5:22 on your forehead! 

Mustard seeds, death and faith that moves mountains.

     Sheila Walsh you deftly get my mind moving. As I'm working my way through Extraordinary Faith and the study that comes with it I'm finding myself having to research things a bit just to understand them more for myself. Faith like a "mustard seed". I'm sure we've all heard that a time or two but have we really understood it? The smallest of seeds. Tiny! The tiniest amount of faith and with that God can move a mountain. WOW! You get that? Truly get that? Cause it's not even about us, in the least bit. God is saying just have faith in me, trust me and that alone is all he wants. Too often we make it about us. If we do this, then that will happen and if we do that, that will happen. As if we control what God can do and has done. How foolish!!!! Recently someone told me that they were approached during a hard time in their lives by someone and this person said to them that maybe they don't believe in God enough and that is why this horrible thing happened to them. HA! As if we hold the power to control what the God of the universe does! How sad on SO many levels. I've been trying to read up more and more on Abraham and how his faith goes beyond anything I can ever imagine...at least thats how I feel today but I pray that someday my faith will be that strong. He had enough faith in God that when God told him he needed to sacrifice his son, the son he waited years for and loved more then anything, he obeyed. He had faith that God would follow through with His promise and either not allow Abraham to kill his son or revive him after the fact. Can you imagine? Can you even grasp that amount of faith and trust? Cause I can't and I pray that someday I will. Although I also believe God gives us that trust and faith in the midst of a trial and we will only understand it fully at that very time...so for now I start with a mustard seed. God meets us where we are at and for that I am so incredibly thankful. 

I've been struggling lately with my frustration  with being a "mom" to Rylee. Doing what God has called me to do as a foster mom. Love her. Care for her. My frustration with the system and biological mom leads me to put up huge walls around my heart. One day we feel we're closer to adoption, the next day it's the reality that Rylee is NOT ours and can leave our home at any day and at any time. Some days I feel it's a complete tease. I never thought we would even be asked to adopt Rylee. I never thought we would even get close to it. And here we are and I get my hopes up thinking all this time and effort is worth it cause the goal is adoption. But that isn't the goal. The goal is loving and caring for this little girl, doing the job God has set before me. Its not about me and some days I make it about me and my desires and then all I do is battle myself. I feel defeated and my frustration comes through with how I care for this little girl. How foolish right? Then I sit and think why would God allow this little girl to stay in my home when I can act so foolish? ITS NOT ABOUT ME!!!! 

My prayer is to start with my tiny mustard seed of faith and pray that I can just build on that. Grow. Learn. Understand God is in control and to trust in him. He loves me and wants the best for me. That doesn't mean trials wont come. Life can be hard and life can be SO SO good! But all along the way HE is in control and if I trust in Him I can rest assured all is well and all is taken care of. 

Here is a few things I highlighted in my Extraordinary Faith book that I feel I should share....Again READ it! Great book!!!

Hebrews 13:5 "I Will Be There!"

"Whatever you are facing right now, be it the worst of times or the best, remember you are loved by a God who spared nothing of Himself to show His faithfulness. 

There is a green hill far away, outside a city wall, Where the dear Lord was crucified, who died to save us all. O dearly, dearly, has He loved, and we must love Him, too, And trust in His redeeming blood, and try His works to do. We may not know, we cannot tell, what pains He had to bear; But we believe it was for us He hung and suffered there. -Cecil F. Alexander ......THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A BIT!!!!!

Sorry NOT sorry

The Sad truth of the matter is every single one of my blogs is about people. Lots and lots of people. Are you the center of it? No. Sorry for that but no you are not. I take a lot of time to think through the things I write and how they will effect those around me. Will the things I say touch a nerve? Will I offend? And will I touch a nerve or offend for the right or wrong reasons? For a second or two this week I contemplated apologizing for the things I have said on my last blog. I even went as far as deleting it. But I'm back and I'm here standing firm in my right to freedom of speech and the fact that yes, sometimes, the things that I say are going to step on peoples toes. Buttercup you need to suck it up and realize everything in life is not perfect and not everything can be sugar coated. Truth hurts! I cannot and will not apologize for my honesty. I also will never apologize for what I believe is right. I will however apologize when I am wrong and baby that happens quite often, I'm human and God is STILL working on me! I got a few responses this week over my past blog and blogs before that one. My honesty level and how I come across. Maybe we all don't believe the same things. Maybe I'm harsh. Maybe I'm writing just about one person (and yet I've had comments from a few people), is it about me??!! This is my blog. My thoughts and my interpretation of what I go through daily and what I observe. It's also about what I believe in my walk with God, how I've interpreted His word. I'm not here to battle you. I wont argue with you either. If something has touch a nerve thats between you and God or simply just for you to learn how to handle asking yourself why, why has that just touched a nerve. Lots of people make there way into my blog. I never share names or make something just about one person. Please don't take it personal unless there's a reason for it. Most people appreciate my honesty and know that this is who I am. I'm not out to hurt anyone or offend. 

I also want to touch base on something in my last blog....Accountability and Judging. As a believer I do NOT think there's a difference. I also believe and stand firm to I have a right to hold another believer accountable and place judgement on them for their actions. If I'm doing wrong, I wanna know about it, I wanna have the opportunity to fix it.  I wanna make it right! I'm the type of person who has no problem asking for forgiveness or giving it. However, If you point out anothers flaws  and don't want to forgive or move past it....why are you doing it? We are to do everything in love. We are never to do it with a oh holier then thou attitude. Everyone makes mistakes. We have no right to constantly jump on people. But if someone is living wrong and continuing to trip on the same thing aren't we as brothers and sisters in Christ suppose to point it out and help them try to make it right? 
Just a few verses:
Prov 27:17
Gal 6:1-2
Matt 18:15-17
Eph 4:25
James 5:19-20

Another thing. When I say and refer to "believers" I'm referring to those who have made a personal decision between them and God.  They believe that Christ died for our sins. Through Him and Him alone can we get to heaven. Only God can make that possible and nothing more. We have done nothing to deserve this but Christ loves us enough that he has paid for our sins on the cross. I firmly believe this decision can never go away. I also believe in making this decision, it changes our hearts and our desires....or should. 
John 3 Accepting Christ into our hearts. 
Act 4:12 , 16:31
John 14:6