Fostering...Ups and downs or it all.

Sweet little Rylee. A sweet 8 month little girl. How you are teaching me patience and understanding. 

We have now had Rylee almost 4 months and it definitely seems much longer. I loved the thought of getting into fostering. Helping little children and their families when needed most. I know this is a God thing cause I requested NO babies and Rylee is our first foster child and yes shes definitely a baby. Why do we always have to learn the hard way? Trent was such an easy baby. Never cried. Followed a sleeping and eating schedule. Wasn't needy. He was lazy and quiet. I could get anything done and it was almost like he wasn't even there. EASY! And while he's changed quite a bit since then I had it easy in his early years. Rylee though....she's a hand full. She whines all the time. She demands attentions all the time. Cries through almost every feeding cause she's not getting it fast enough. She blows raspberry's during eating and does this coughing thing spitting her food every where. We now have to strap her in her high chair and put her hands under her tray or she sways back and forth and swings her arms every where hitting the spoon every time. Shes has ants in her pants. Wont lay still for any kind of clothing or diaper change. She sticks everything in her mouth!!! She finds the smallest piece of dirt on the floor and in her mouth it goes. Telling her "no"...HA! She actually laughs at you! Oh she's a stinker!!! While I'm vacuuming I'm finding she needs to be sitting in either her bouncy or her swing cause she crawls right to my cords and chews away like a little puppy. Needless to say she is quite the handful. 

It's been hard adjusting to her being here. Trying to tell myself I can't get over attached and yet finding I've done the exact opposite in trying to protect myself from getting hurt. I love having her here. It will be very hard to watch her leave. But most days by the end of the day I just can't wait for bed time! I feel like she defly feels my disconnect from her and maybe there's stress felt there?! I don't know. She is such a sweetie and can brighten your day when she smiles, but her whining and crying...oh I can't even explain how that goes through me. I now have a greater sympathy for moms dealing with colicie babies. I'm just trying to learn patience in understanding. She was brought into our home to love and to be cared for and that is what I am here to do and want to do it well. I don't want to feel disconnected from every child that enters our home. I don't want to feel like I'm simply babysitting. I want them to feel like they are apart of our family. Yes I don't want the pain of watching them leave in the end but I almost would rather that then this disconnect. 

My relationship with Rylees mom has also had to take a back burner. This is all a learning process for Steve and I and with this being our first family I'm hoping we'll learn and grow as we go. The foster agency raves about us and how we have opened our home to not only Rylee but also to her mom. However I think her mom isn't going to understand boundaries very well. She's getting out in two weeks and yes she knows where we live, and I'm concerned in her not wanting CYS involved with our visits that she may think our relationship will allow me to want to break the rules for her. I'm finding out quickly how she works things and in that I'm having to distance myself from our conversations, which to her makes her mad, but it's needed. I'm trying to be there for her and be encouraging but to also follow rules I have to follow as a foster parents and to just simply have boundaries and she's not understanding that very well. All a learning process. I'm just hoping she will understand and not make me need to set up stronger boundaries in her wanting to be with her daughter, demanding her rights as mom! 

So over all I'm still finding this a huge blessing in my life. Learning patience, kindness and understanding. And I know God has brought this into our lives for a learning tool and to show others how loving God is through us. Days can be rough and it's hard fostering and I don't think that part will necessarily get easier, but I do think God will equip us with the tools needed when needed for doing this. Two months from now the court will decide if Rylees mom is a fit mom to have her daughter back and that will be a hard day. A day that I will need to put full faith in God that he is in control and placing Rylee where she needs to be and that she will be safe. This isn't a job for everyone and honestly some days I wonder if I'm the one for this job...however I know God lead us to this and he is seeing us through.