Let me just be the first to say it, it's too early to be up. Not a great morning for waking up slowly. Barking dogs at 730a.m and a kid running around like a crazy person due to the dogs barking is no fun let me tell you. Two boys were once again at our door asking to use our phone, happy to help, however my dogs are....in the nicest terms possibly not smart! And oh allergies, guess it's time to suck it up and purchase Nasonex, an expense I hold off on as long as possible. Over all I need lots of coffee to get through this morning and to simply WAKE UP!
It's been a long time since I felt like sitting here and blogging it up. But this morning I felt it was time to catch up.
We had a pretty great weekend. Attended a different church, we visited there twice before but yesterday felt different, yesterday felt like it was home. And that was an amazing feeling. We need that feeling when were at church. The people are so friendly, but we've always felt so welcome at all the churches we have visited here, people are so welcoming! The worship was nice and the message was just what I needed to hear. One draw back...Trent was the only kid under 10 and that was completely sad to me. He asks all week to go to church to see his friends and this past Sunday he had none ;( Hoping it was just an off Sunday for kids or something cause he needs to enjoy church as much as us. Love having him excited and asking to go and we want that to continue. I'm excited to try to get involved, they offer men and woman Bible studies and I'm excited to go!!! I need that time with other Christian woman and I cant wait!
After church we had to return our rental car....sad to have my heated seats leave me...wanted to tear them out and install them in our truck...SO NICE!!!! Then we enjoyed some time as a family out and about in Dubious. We had a great day!
Saturday was sorta a rough day with Rylees Mom. I'm trying so hard to keep my communication with her open but it's becoming very hard as she feels so entitled to this little girl and her demands seem high in getting what is rightfully hers. I just struggle so hard with why? Why do you want her back SO much and feel so entitled to her and yet it's been a month since you've seen her??? And she's yet to make the moves needed to get her back and yet still says, I've hired a lawyer and he says I'm getting her back! As I've said all along our goal is to get Rylee back home with her Mom, and I stand by that, but why can't she see what a precious little miracle this little girl is and want her and want to do what is best for her instead of simply wanting what is hers. Blood doesn't make you a parent, giving birth to a child doesn't make you a parent, putting your childs needs first, loving them unconditionally, financially and emotionally supporting them and being there for them makes you a parent. Something some people will never understand. This is definitely a learning process and each case will be different but it should get easier in knowing what to expect, go figure out first case is different then the norm! Praying for constant peace, God is in control and he will put little Rylee where she needs to be. Also praying for words, the right words to say when needed and duck tape when silence is the answer.
Friday we were blessed to get a new to us vehicle. A truck. We've been praying and praying about a new vehicle every since Steves explorer blew up. And I can't say it enough but what a God thing this whole situation has been from the beginning. The day Steve and Tommy went out to the woods they had two locations they were going to visit, the one was remote with no cell service and no one else would be around. The second was where Tommys wife was out logging with his employee. Nothing was wrong with the vehicle up to this point let me add. But God new we couldn't afford a new transmission, there's no possible way we could have afforded that bill. So God decided just to blow it up!!! Funny to say it but thank you Jesus!!! With Tommy on crutches I just can't praise God enough for having those boys at the right place at the right time when this happened...a GOD thing! Since then our insurance company has been amazing! We got our vehicle check in a timely matter and a check for some of the contents (cell phones and an ipod), we also had a great rental car while we waited for the check and found a vehicle. We now are in the process of deciding to claim home owners on all the tools and hunting gear Steve lost as well. Paper work is filled out so now for Erie to view it and for us to decide if after the deductible and if our insurance possibly will go up if it's worth claiming. I have no doubt God will take care of us with this as well, he knows our situation and knows weather or not we need those things replaced right now. Its amazing that through this all I've never once felt sad about losing our vehicle and gaining this extra stress, God is fully taking care of us and opening doors for our needs.
Nothing else really new...besides our new visitors, FLEAS! Yes its that season again, apparently! So back to that pain. ROLLING MY EYES RIGHT NOW!!
I've felt so much peace lately. Peace in knowing we are where God wants us and knowing he's taking care of us. Yes I have my days and I question why, but then God reassures me in some way that he is in control. We've gone through some obstacles since moving here and currently those things are at bay and I can't thank God enough for taking those worries from me and giving me the peace that passes ALL understanding! Its more about me giving control to him instead of constantly trying to fight the battles myself, a battle I was and continue to lose if I don't put it all over to God. We've lost some family friendships and I'm at peace with that. I know God knows our hearts and I know he's lead others into our lives to fill that void. He's also showed us a new church where we will be making new friendships I'm sure.
And hey it's spring and I know the warmer weather is coming!!!! Pulling out the flip flops and putting a smile on my face. While cold days are currently still here I'm gonna wear my flippies around my house and know God is bringing on the sunshine and warmer days to cheer us all up!!!!
Sweet little Rylee. A sweet 8 month little girl. How you are teaching me patience and understanding.
We have now had Rylee almost 4 months and it definitely seems much longer. I loved the thought of getting into fostering. Helping little children and their families when needed most. I know this is a God thing cause I requested NO babies and Rylee is our first foster child and yes shes definitely a baby. Why do we always have to learn the hard way? Trent was such an easy baby. Never cried. Followed a sleeping and eating schedule. Wasn't needy. He was lazy and quiet. I could get anything done and it was almost like he wasn't even there. EASY! And while he's changed quite a bit since then I had it easy in his early years. Rylee though....she's a hand full. She whines all the time. She demands attentions all the time. Cries through almost every feeding cause she's not getting it fast enough. She blows raspberry's during eating and does this coughing thing spitting her food every where. We now have to strap her in her high chair and put her hands under her tray or she sways back and forth and swings her arms every where hitting the spoon every time. Shes has ants in her pants. Wont lay still for any kind of clothing or diaper change. She sticks everything in her mouth!!! She finds the smallest piece of dirt on the floor and in her mouth it goes. Telling her "no"...HA! She actually laughs at you! Oh she's a stinker!!! While I'm vacuuming I'm finding she needs to be sitting in either her bouncy or her swing cause she crawls right to my cords and chews away like a little puppy. Needless to say she is quite the handful.
It's been hard adjusting to her being here. Trying to tell myself I can't get over attached and yet finding I've done the exact opposite in trying to protect myself from getting hurt. I love having her here. It will be very hard to watch her leave. But most days by the end of the day I just can't wait for bed time! I feel like she defly feels my disconnect from her and maybe there's stress felt there?! I don't know. She is such a sweetie and can brighten your day when she smiles, but her whining and crying...oh I can't even explain how that goes through me. I now have a greater sympathy for moms dealing with colicie babies. I'm just trying to learn patience in understanding. She was brought into our home to love and to be cared for and that is what I am here to do and want to do it well. I don't want to feel disconnected from every child that enters our home. I don't want to feel like I'm simply babysitting. I want them to feel like they are apart of our family. Yes I don't want the pain of watching them leave in the end but I almost would rather that then this disconnect.
My relationship with Rylees mom has also had to take a back burner. This is all a learning process for Steve and I and with this being our first family I'm hoping we'll learn and grow as we go. The foster agency raves about us and how we have opened our home to not only Rylee but also to her mom. However I think her mom isn't going to understand boundaries very well. She's getting out in two weeks and yes she knows where we live, and I'm concerned in her not wanting CYS involved with our visits that she may think our relationship will allow me to want to break the rules for her. I'm finding out quickly how she works things and in that I'm having to distance myself from our conversations, which to her makes her mad, but it's needed. I'm trying to be there for her and be encouraging but to also follow rules I have to follow as a foster parents and to just simply have boundaries and she's not understanding that very well. All a learning process. I'm just hoping she will understand and not make me need to set up stronger boundaries in her wanting to be with her daughter, demanding her rights as mom!
So over all I'm still finding this a huge blessing in my life. Learning patience, kindness and understanding. And I know God has brought this into our lives for a learning tool and to show others how loving God is through us. Days can be rough and it's hard fostering and I don't think that part will necessarily get easier, but I do think God will equip us with the tools needed when needed for doing this. Two months from now the court will decide if Rylees mom is a fit mom to have her daughter back and that will be a hard day. A day that I will need to put full faith in God that he is in control and placing Rylee where she needs to be and that she will be safe. This isn't a job for everyone and honestly some days I wonder if I'm the one for this job...however I know God lead us to this and he is seeing us through.
Good Morning everyone!
Brrrrrrr what a chilly morning. My feet are still freezing after taking Trent to school 20 minutes ago. You know it's cold when my crazy barking puppies wont even stay out to bark at every moving object that passes. Happy for coffee to warm me up and make me bright eyed and bushy tailed =) Now to pour some coffee on our frozen truck door so I don't have to hurdle Rylee in her car seat over Trents car seat just to drive two minutes down the road. Happy for a warm house which is happily set at 72 and yes I'm sorta like an old person in that way, I need it toasty or my feet free and my joints suffer. Our fuel company loves me, and so does my hubby who works hard to pay that bill for me to stay warm. What a wonderful man I have!
Feeling very good this morning. Haven't felt like this in weeks. Sorta been letting life consume me. Never felt like I would be like that. I've always been proud of how strong I am and how much I feel I can endure and still hold my head up thanking God for all my blessings. Not lately though. I got to the point I felt so consumed all I wanted to do was curl up on my couch and sleep. Couldn't even find the energy to do anything, nor did I want to. I got so weak I felt like I would fall with every step I tried to make. I put on a great front to the world but inside I have been crumbling lately. I've let my need to be in prayer drift to the way side and even have felt sorta angry at God for how I've been feeling. I let one thing add on to another and another and the weight became too much. It's my controlling side. I think about everyone, everything and for some reason think it's on me to think about how to fix it all. God is really trying hard to grab me and shake me and say RELY ON ME!!!!! Feeling sorta stupid. Why when I need God the most do I try harder to do it myself?! I'm still struggling to get back into seeking God and Pray to him to help me, I don't get that. I know I need him and I know I need that time with him. And yet it's like my mind wont do it! Never felt like I needed prayer more from others as I do now. I need God to grab me harder and shake me and shake the stubborn side out. I need him and he's trying in every way to teach me that. I know that even in my rough days someone has it worse and I need to focus on God and all the blessings he has given to me and I even need to thank him for the tribulations, cause they are there for a reason and he is in control of things even in those times and is working all things together for HIS purpose. I must say though, I am glad I know God because without him I cannot imagine enduring things and feeling hopeless and to not see an end in site, yes sometimes I feel like that but I know God has a purpose and one day maybe I'll understand it all. God is good and I know that even in the midst of my darkest days. He loves me and that's enough.
I'm thankful once again for my parents. For my mom taking my tearful phone call on Saturday and lifting my broken spirit. For hearing what I was saying and understanding. For basically hugging me through the phone. I needed a shoulder to cry on and while all I got was a phone call it helped. And it also helped to just release those feelings and to cry it out. I've been very appreciative lately for what I had living so close to my parents before. With being so far away from my support system it's been hard. To never get a break from life when I need it now is hard. I love being a stay at home mom and love doing what I do, but some days every once in a while it's nice to have a break and that is something I no longer get living a part from family and friends. However my parents are amazing and they offered to come and get me and the kids and take us for a mini vacation at their house....next week!!!! Steve and I and the kids did get to get out on Sunday and leave things behind for a little and just have family time and that defly helped a million!!! I also got to spend sometime out at ladies night Saturday night with ladies from our church, and while I was feeling very down while there, I got to laugh a little in a game we played and that helped lift my spirits. I also came home and talked to my husband who gave me a listening ear which I so needed. I'm also again thankful for two other people. My friend Tiffany who while we barely ever speak through an actual conversation is there through hundred of my texts and lifts my mommy spirit when days aren't going so well. I miss her dearly and it makes me tear up when I think of our friendship and the years we've had such a close friendship and now being so far away we still are trying hard to preserve that. And Mae...I'm thankful for our couponing time together, yes I'm giggling writing that. But it's time out, once a week with another woman. An outlet. A shopping spree!!! Yes to me it's like a huge wonderful shopping spree. I'm addicted to a deal! I'm thankful for Mae and Tommy and how we support each other and are there for each other when needed most!
So this week my goal is to get into Gods word! Read a good Christian book. PRAY! Seek God and allow him to work in me. Get my broken spirit healed. Dry my tears...get up and hold my head high. Listen to worship music all the time!!!!
From the Inside Out Lord, my soul cries out
Listening to Pandora on our tv. Praise music. Something I need many mornings as a reminder of how good My God truly is.
Life is crazy. Beyond crazy some days and weeks. Can really weigh me down. However even in the midst of all that I know God is good. And he's constantly taking care of us. I fail my God on a daily basis. I say I yearn for a better relationship with him and yet I constantly fail in making the time for him. How incredibly selfish. I want him to constantly save me from my daily failures and save my family from our hardships and yet I can't spare 10 minutes to come to him for one on one time with him.
A year ago Steve had just started for John Lucks Logging and we were contemplating moving and starting a life in Elk County. What fears we had. We were so unsure what we were going to do but we knew we needed something new. And then after praying so hard and seeking what God wanted, doors opened and after months of Steve driving back and forth from Elk County to Lancaster County we decided God wanted us to make the move.
8 months later some days we find ourselves questioning if we made the right decision. We've been hit with so many obstacles and barriers that make us question why...why did we move...was it the right decision...did we truly listen and hear what God was telling us or did we only listen to what we wanted. But let me tell you. God is good and we're here now and he's been faithful. There's been little things along the way to reassure me that we ARE where God wants us.
My heart has been SO incredibly heavy lately. The family situation here with the Luchs family has only gotten worse. What started as a misunderstanding, and me making a huge mistake of thinking I needed to defend myself and my family turned into me hurting them. My apology meant nothing to them and that I have to live with. I never meant to hurt them. I simply thought I needed to correct the lies and in the process I pointed too many fingers and all they heard was bashing. I've tried repeatedly to make things right. It breaks my heart. And now things have gotten worse...we have kept our distance, respecting their decision to not want a relationship with us. However other family members still want a relationship with us and this has brought on issue after issue and caused more fighting between those family members. I just want it to end. I'm tired of phones calls and text messages. Its breaking me. I miss our relationship and I just don't understand how it's come to this and why we just can't fix it and be back to the way things were. I know God is trying to teach me patience in this and in his time and not mine. I'm struggling with this and in need of lots of prayers. My heart just breaks...I'm doing my best to be respectful and keep my distance and yet let them know our door is always open to them. Everything we do just gets misconstrued and it hurts that I feel they just want everybody to close their door to us. We moved here to work with this family and be here with them and now this....
Ugh...then there's our finances. I don't know what is wrong with me but I stink at finances! I thought I'll get Quicken and this will help...nope still screwing things up. I don't get it! I have such a hard time focusing on them. Checking my banking making sure whats coming and going. You'd think with all the mistakes I've made with my checking account that I would have learned my lesson. NOPE! I really struggle with this...I just don't get it. How can I constantly screw this up??!! God provides. And while we are in no one above our bills for what comes in...we get by and we're overly taken care of. However if it's not one thing it's another. We never get a head. And I know that's reality to many people...most people! It just can get overwhelming very quickly and it constantly makes me wonder what am I doing wrong. I can't stop living and yet every time we see at least things are paid on time then something else comes up. Such is life I guess...another thing for Satan to throw in my face daily and yet guess what? I know my God provides and I have faith we'll be just fine.
Then lets see, what is up with sickness in my house!? From Pmonia for both Trent and I,the flu, me being hospitalized. To Trent not getting over these little colds. To him and Rylee having ear infections. And then Rylee have Bronchiolitis. NOT FUN! And then Monday Steve smashed his foot at work. Thankfully it wasn't broke just badly bruised. But see this is how it goes. One step forward, five backwards.
But here's the thing. With all that complaining and venting I trust God. Some days it seems bad and I get discouraged but I know I'm doing my best and for that I know God will take care of the rest. I know my life isn't any worse then the next person and really my life is amazing!!! I have a wonderful hard working husband who has been in my life 14 years! I love him to death. He makes me laugh, some days makes me cry, but he's an amazing man. He truly takes care of us. He's a wonderful father and that alone means the world to me. I have amazing parents who do so much for us and I just could not be more thankful for them. We have an amazing new church family who would do anything for us. And our cousins here Tommy, Mae and Jer...couldn't be more thankful for our relationship with them. We have such good times together and Trent loves them to death and prays for them everyday. Steves family is also amazing, we don't see them a lot but they are always there for us and it's so nice to know he has such a big and loving family standing behind him. And how awesome that Trents Godparents, his Aunt and Uncle, Ken and Emily traveled here for one day to celebrate his birthday with him, meant so much to us. See God is good. We have all we need. I never ever doubt that.
The huge blessing in my life right now. Rylee. Sweet little Rylee. What amazing thing this fostering situation is teaching me. This is why we were brought to Elk County. This is how I know we are where God wants us. I love what we are doing in the lives of this little girl and her mom. I love the relationship I am building with her mom. It's teaching me about people and how life just grabs them and takes them through the mud and they can't see a way out and I want them to know there is a God that loves them and he will take them out of the mud puddle and carry them to safety. This is teaching me how to accept people where they are and love them right there where they are. They need Jesus and if I can't be there for them and show them Gods love through me...why am I here, why am I even doing this? It's easy to sit back and be mad and upset at the situation and wonder why the state would ever give children back to their parents in situations like this. But people can change and I'm hoping to help Jackie do just that...at least help her understand there's so much more then where she's been. My dream would be to have a home full of foster kids, have an open door to help anybody when I can. I would love to have a full home of kids who need love and just love on them and show them that life can be so much more. Again this is why we are here in Elk County..God is opening our hearts to help those in need and what an amazing thing that is.
So through all the little trials life is throwing our way I have a God I can trust. He is faithful in ALL things! When my anxiety gets high and I'm questioning all the little things that are going on I close my eyes and listen to beautiful worship music and know God is here and he's taking care of us.
Lord you are amazing and when I feel like I'm failing you and failing my relationship with you, you remind me that you're forgiving and you love me and will always, ALWAYs be there for me. Thank you for your everlasting Love for me.
This Christmas I'm more thankful then ever. God has been doing such great things this year for our family. As I sit and think about this past year and actually years past I'm sitting in aw. We have been through so much as a family and we have had quite a bit thrown at us at times that I wasn't sure how we would ever get back up from the floor. From Steve needing knee surgery to wrecking our only vehicle, Trents leg issue, a miscarriage and not succeeding in getting pregnant time after time, financial difficulties that constantly resurface to now being in a completely different place and having a home and having Rylee. I could go on and on about all the bad but we all have bad and mine is no worse then any others. However even in our bad times I know that God is good and he knows the plans he has for me. That actually makes me choke up. God takes care of me....ME?!? I fail daily and I make poor choices and yet I have a God that will never turn his back on me. I also have friends and family that would do anything for me. What a wonderful thing. We have been so blessed. This year Steve made a very difficult decision to take on a new job and move our family away from everything we have grown to love, family, friends, and all our normal surroundings. He wanted to make a new start for us, something fresh. We didn't know what God had in store or if we were actually doing exactly what we should but after much prayer and seeking advice God opened doors. We were really blessed in the past few years by a few people helping us out and I could never EVER thank them enough...my heart is heavy and I tear up thinking about where we are due to the help we have been given. Now here I am thinking about only how much I have to be thankful for...the good out weighs the bad on any day. We have our health, a roof over our heads and our family. I told Steve recently, as he was struggling to notice all the good while soaking in a pity party we all can get caught up in, that I would live in a box if that's where God wanted me as long as I had my family. I have more then I could ever need and defly more then I ever deserve.
For the past few years all I wanna do is give back, help those less fortunate or struggling, I don't have a lot to give but I would give the shirt right off my back. Hey isn't that what we're called to do anyways? I can't always give financially and that's not the only way to help people anyways. We now have Rylee and currently we're helping her and her mom by simply being there for the both of them while Rylees mom gets the help she needs. Rylee is the sweetest little girl and while days can be long and stressful as she's teething or just crying for attention this is Gods calling for me and I will rejoice in it. I love having her in our home, even though it's temporary. She smiles and it just brightens your whole day. I love being a foster mom and I can't wait to get another child in our home. Its hard with two but hey lets add 3!!!! Children and Youth recently told me they have been very busy with cases and so I said hey our house is open for another child....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Our house will feel even smaller and our vehicle is not prime for 3 kids, 2 adults and 2 dogs but we'll figure it out as it happens. Let the good times roll, right? Hey if there's a child that needs loving and a family that needs us to take care of their child while they get the much needed help they need I'm here to help. I've always wanted a full house and God is giving me that. I do struggle with something though...what I want others to understand is that fostering is our calling it's not everyone calling and I know as we get more children things could get harder. But as these children are in our home they are our children. We treat them as our own and we would wish that others would do the same. I never want a child to look at Trent and see him get this or that and they are with nothing. As Trent gets gifts this Christmas Rylee will as well. Granted she's 6 months old and doesn't have a clue but when we have a 3 year old or whatever age they will be treated the same as Trent is. I never want a child in my home blood or not feeling like they are less important and having to explain why they don't get what Trent does. So as I'm saying this I'm asking anyone who's giving to Trent to please respect us with this. I know not everyone, family and Friends understands what we're doing but I do ask this. Please only ever give if you are giving for all our children. I know what its like as a child to feel less important then another and it breaks my heart to think someone would want a child who's already struggling with out Mom or Dad and what they were use to feel less important or be sad cause they aren't receiving just the same as another child. That goes for gifts or simply loving...help us love these children for that is exactly what they need the most.
I'm so excited for this Christmas seasoning and getting together with family and friends and celebrating all the joys in life including the birth of our Jesus. I'm excited to start new family traditions this year in our new home. What an exciting time!!! I hope everyone has a great holiday season. Please remember the true meaning of Christmas and have others be our main focus. Remember not everyone has a great Christmas and lots of people are suffering.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
Good morning all! I figured it's been quite a while so it's time to blog a bit.
This day started way to early at 430 with a little girl who decided it was time to be wide awake. Luckily I'm a pretty good morning person it's the night times I struggle with. Rylee has decided lately that she is into crying and being held all the time or she'll cry. And she loves early mornings! We're battling, her need to be held and my need to break her of that bad habit before it gets too bad. The crying though....it goes right through me! Yesterday she was awake from 1 till 6 and I finally said enough and had her battle it out for a half hour of crying till she crashed! That was hard! She's such a sweetie though and her smile just lights you up. Love how bright and early in the morning she smiles away like haha were up =) I love having her in my home and loving her while she's here. Lately Trent's been really struggling with her presence and that's really hard. He wants no connection with her and struggles when I hold her. It's completely heart breaking for me. I want him to adjust and be okay with her here and not be resentful of our decision to bring foster children into our home. Not sure how to help him with this and I think it's started to effect me with Rylee. Trent's my baby and I don't want him to think Mommy loves someone more and not understand why sometimes her needs come first. He wont even acknowledge her and that's hard. If anyone has advice on this please share!!!
Got word yesterday that Rylee's Mom wants to have phone conversations with us. We were asked if we were open to that and I said yes. It will be nice to break the ice with her mom before our visits with her start and to maybe get to know her a bit. I truly pray her Mom will get it and realize whats she's at risk of losing if she doesn't pull it together.
So as for other things going on. Today Steve is out hunting. 2 days paid hunting days. What a huge blessing this new job has been for us. Steve's boss truly treats his guys right! I was so worried about Steve having to be off the first 2 days of deer season (they have to be out of the woods due to bullets flying around) cause we can't afford time off unless paid and to our surprise it's paid!!! Another blessing Steve's cousin who has been out of our lives for a few months went hunting with all of them. I know it doesn't mean all is well but it's a step, a simple step that means a lot to me...progress in maybe eventually rebuilding that broken relationship.
A lot has been on my mind lately. Things completely out of my control and things I need to just hand to the Lord in prayer. I'm not rich and we struggle everyday financially but I'm so blessed, blessed beyond words and more blessed then I could ever deserve. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, food on my table and family and friends that I love. I even have SO many things that I don't need and have simply cause I WANT them! As I look around and see and hear people...my heart breaks. Families, mothers and fathers having to say good bye too early to their precious babies, losing other family and friends too early. Sickness. Job loss. Divorce and all the heart break with that. Families fighting. Unforgiving people. Abuse. Children without homes. Families without homes. Starving people. Today all these things have sorta just consumed me. Some people, including myself some days just don't realize how much we have. I wish so bad I could help more then I do. I wish so many people would realize that regardless of their situations that there is a God that is bigger then all of it and he loves us. Heaven is FOR REAL! God is real and more real then we will ever know if we just turn to and rely on him. Words for myself daily! I NEED him!!! I don't have a lot in my bank account but I would give everything I have to help people. To open peoples eyes to the goodness of our Jesus. Everyday I struggle even with my relationship with God and building it stronger and fully relying on him with everything I have but today my prayer is that I change that and work on it. Trusting him and laying all of my burdens on him. But especially to not be blinded by others needs and to have a heart to give. God is good and I will never doubt that!
Have a great day everyone!
Sweet little Rylee. Our first foster child just happens to be a little baby girl. Wow! When we got into fostering I requested 3 1\2 year olds and younger but no babies. And yes I knew how small of a range that was, I just wasn't sure I was ready to foster a baby. This process went SO fast!! When I got the call for Rylee I couldn't say no, it seemed so wrong to even consider that. And let me tell you, I'm SO incredibly glad I didn't.
What a little sweetheart she is! Rylee is almost 5 months old and such a little peanut. She drowns in 3-6 month clothes at about 12 1\2 lbs. She sleeps all night from about 9pm till 8am. She follows a 3 hour schedule during the day and eats like a little piggy. Ugh! Formula, what a stinky fake milk substance! Ick! But she loves it!! And we just started her on rice cereal and two different baby foods. Doc said it's time! Seems the pediatric association or whatever it is changes SO much on what they recommend as safe...think I'll just follow my instinct! And man does she smile. She is just such a little happy girl and I just can't help but think how sad...her Mom just doesn't know what she has.
But my heart is heavy today. When we got into fostering we were told that when you get a child its for a minimum time of 6 months but in most cases the child stays a year. Well we of course came across a little girl who has a different situation and we have no clue when she's going back home. Rylees Mom is in state prison. And no one knows when she's getting out, even her parole officer. It could be any day now. And because Rylee wasn't taken from her mom a judge could just request she just goes home. However at this point her mom has no home, no job, and there is no stability. I just find that all very sad. Her mom has 3 other children who she doesn't have and she's been in and out of jail and yet a judge might just say send Rylee back home?! I don't understand and yet it's not my job to understand or make that decision, it's simply my job to take care of Rylee and love on her while she's in my care. Friday Rylee is going to visit her mom and for some reason I'm bothered by that...what a punishment. We have also been asked by Children and Youth if we would be willing to take Rylee to see her mom in jail...scary! And I so wanna say no. I don't think her mom should even have that right. And yet I want to build a relationship with this woman and to do that I need to try. I need to be there and let her see the type of people we are and so I need to put all my feelings a side and just focus on being there for Rylee and her mom. Loving like Jesus loves.
Can't imagine what our house will be like going back to just 3 of us again. I did tell Children and Youth we're ready for another child, hoping to always have at least two foster children in the house so it doesn't seem so crazy quiet when one leaves. It will defly be sad putting all the baby stuff away again. I do however know that God is in control and his will will be done in Rylees life and ours in whatever way he sees fit. So far this has been a great experience. I'm learning lots about how the system works and figuring out how to deal with a now family of 4.
