Ever have a time or two when after all was played out you just simply wish you would have stuck your foot in your mouth simply to shut yourself up? And hey that's a beautiful foot but it's better to look at then suck on! As super confusing at it sounds I think I'm subconsciously super stressed out about this month and all it can bring. I'm drinking coffee non stop which may seem odd, but to me a resent X-smoker it's taking the "edge" off. Anyways, this month is the month CYS petitions the court to take parental rights away from Rylee's biological parents. I never thought this day would come! I never believed when we signed on for foster parents that we would get a baby and never the less have the option to possibly adopt the first child in our home. AAAAAAhhhhhhhh!!!!! Stress headaches are the worst and I don't even know why I have one. I know God is in control! I know HIS will will be done. SO WHATS THE PROBLEM??!!! ME! I'm the problem, that control thing again! Currently I have no control over this and I'm losing it! Lately I've been feeling overly emotional about my stand on things and I've opened my mouth more then once shoving my opinion down peoples throats! I'm kicking myself for it and I feel so foolish for it! It's truly not me to wanna start something and I did just that recently and I'm more then a bit embarrassed. I'm so gung ho on protecting children and loving people and kindness that I have been getting overly annoyed with people and their need to protect innocent animals! I'm not going to get into it because I'm not willing to step on peoples toes again and I'm not willing to work myself up over this, again! I love people, I care deeply for people! And more then that I'm huge into protecting voiceless, innocent children. Fostering is not for everyone and I know that, it's not even remotely easy for me! I just see post after post on caring and loving animals and I get so disgusted! Not against animals but against my on individual thoughts and judgement call on thinking people care more for animals then people. And while I still believe that, I can keep my thoughts to myself and simply shut up! Don't get me wrong I'm very strong willed and opinionated and I'm beyond passionate. I will voice my opinion when asked but I don't normally go out on a limb to start something, to grab peoples negative attention and that is what I did! Oh my do I wish I could turn back time! And once obviously wasn't good enough, I had to go do it again! Anyways so apologies were in order and while I will feel foolish for a day or two I will get over it and I hope others will as well. So my prayer for this month is peace, Lord give me peace! And please stop being confused as to how I have tied Animals and children together and have gotten super annoyed....DON'T ASK! In my mind right now they are very much so annoyingly tied together! Oh how this has become a vent session.....
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Lets start fresh!!! Isn't it a wonderful feeling to know that we can simply start fresh, anytime, God makes all things new again! AMEN!!!! I love New years! I love the feeling it brings! Okay lets be honest, I love that but more then that, I love tax return time and that's what the New Year brings!!! But this year for me it's starting a few things off different. I've had to kick myself into starting off this year right. I quit smoking the week before Thanksgiving!!! I've also gotten on top of a budget and man what took me SO incredibly LONG!!!! Grrr, but lets skip the crying and kicking myself again and move forward. I'm so happy to finally be starting a Bible study!!! Me and two other ladies I've been getting to know are starting a study together and going to get together once a month for a ladies night and to encourage each other and discuss Extraordinary Faith that we are going to read together!!! I'm more then excited and it's so over due! Another start to this year is my parents moving to town! I got to help my Dad with work already and that's another blessing! Don't get me wrong I'm no longer a fan of physical labor but the extra money for house projects is much appreciated!!! Yeah we exchange goods, I help my Dad and he helps us!!! I'm also looking to homeschooling Trent so pray for that decision as my Mom is helping me figure out which path we wanna go there. It's going to be a good year, do you feel it??!! so many other things I wanna say and yet Trent neeeeeeeds Chocolate milk and Rylee is ready for bed, so another time and I promise it wont be to long from now!
Happy Thursday all!!! Just wanted to give a little weekly update. Finally everyone in our household is feeling better!!! Woohoo!!! Seems like forever since we didn't have a cough or runny something. But besides the normal annoying allergies we are all good ;)
As most of you have already heard my parents have purchased a home here in Ridgway AND it's not far from our house....actually its a whole 4 houses down...think they wanna keep an eye on us. Haha! No, really it just worked out that way. God has deftly opened doors for them and been answering many prayers with their housing situation. They are still currently trying to sell their home in Denver and have a Realtor working hard on that. So hopefully God will answer that big prayer one way or the other. They got a great deal on the home here and it needs lots of work and yet still, again, God is opening doors to provide in that area. Work has been coming in for my Dad and great deals on things needed for the new home. God is working in this situation in a huge way....mainly by giving peace in the unknown when needed the most. We have spent sometime in the new home simply clearing out tons and tons of garbage! It's pretty gross how people choose to live....ick!!! Oh the smell was horrible!!!! And let me tell you, I am in no way use to physical labor anymore and one day in that home left me beat!!!! But its pretty much cleared out with just two rooms left to clear! One huge dumpster full!!! Next would be a new roof when my Dad returns from MONTANA!!! And yes I am extremely jealous that my Dad is out visiting my sister, nieces and nephew. I have never been able to make it out that way and oh how I wish I could...someday! I am glad my Dad got sometime away and that my sister got some much needed time with family! So while my Dad is away we are very blessed to have my Mom here with us. It's been super nice!!!!
Steve is currently been blessed with another side job, much needed right now to help catch up on some bills! God answered prayers again!!! So he works all day and then comes home and heads over to our neighbors home and continues working! Today he is hoping to pour the concrete drive way and the few sidewalk areas that needed replaced. Hoping no rain heads our way!! Steve has also been out in the woods a few days and seen lots and lots of deer...what a tease!!!! No capable shots! But we're hoping one of these times we'll be able to get a freezer full of meat!!!
As for me...busy busy! Haha! School for Trent, Awana, court, cleaning, cooking, laundry, all the norm that almost any mom deals with daily! However next week we head to Lancaster County and I will be working for a few days with my Dad. I'm excited and yet dreading it. Dreading the tired, beat feeling that I know will come after about 3-4 hours of working. Not my thing anymore! I have to say I am more then happy being the stay at home mom, physical labor jobs and coming home to children and house is not fun in anyway! Props to working moms!!!!
Trent continues to love school and Awana, and he's also doing very well in both. I'm so proud of him!!! I couldn't believe the first time he wrote his name for me all by himself!!! Yep I teared up! He loves cooking with me and I usually don't mind the assistance. He's still very much into dinosaurs and doctor stuff. however he wants to be a ghost for halloween...mommy needs to work her magic on a costume!
And RyleeRoo...oh what a little blessing she is. Haha! She is all personality! She continues to let it shine, demanding, dramatic, brighter then anything, silly, cuddly, so many things all balled up into this little package. She keeps things interested. She deftly wears me out and frustrates me more then anything but shes teaching me something all along the way and she truly is a blessing in our lives. Hey she'll out grow this....right??!! As for court the other day. It went as expected. Rylee will continue to stay in our home till next April when we will have another court date to evaluate "moms" progress. Her mom is still currently in a facility in Reading, she claims its not a mandatory thing and that shes simply finishing out her parole there in a simple housing facility. Her release date is November 11th. The judge did drill into her the importance of her rehabilitation and changing her current situation as January is rolling around quite fast. Federal law requires CYS to petition the court to take custody for a child in the system 15 out of 22 months. So come January we could be looking at Adopting Rylee!! Not getting my hopes up, just praying that God continues to place this little girl where she needs to be. "Dad" has finally responded with his first phone call to CYS last week. Sadly he wants nothing to do with Rylee and is happy with where she is. He is ready to sign over his rights. SAD! He hasn't even meet this little girl and he wants to simply walk away....and yet I feel I need to thank him. Thank him for making the decision that he can't take care of this little girl and is willing to keep her where she is loved and well taken care of physically and mentally. I wish "mom" would be this selfless.
So while I sit here and look at the changing of the leaves and enjoy this crisp fall morning weather I thank God. Thank God for answered prayers, some that are being answered currently, some that have been answered already, and the ones that will be answered. We are blessed beyond all measures!
Happy Friday everyone!!!
It's Friday and tomorrow starts hunting season....blah! Or YAY!!!! A freezer full of meat would be lovely, don't get me wrong! But after days at home with just the kiddos there's nothing like having the nights alone with just the kiddos...again :) Nah it's truly not that bad. I'm happy for hunting season because it makes my husband happy. He loves sitting in the woods, it's his "think" time. All alone, sitting in a stand, high above the ground, freezing, for hours, is apparently an amazing thing. Well he shouldn't freeze just yet but for real how boring! At least take a book and make that sitting around time well worth it!!! Wouldn't most of us moms love that?! A quiet place, far away from reality, all alone to soak in a book?!! HEAVEN!!!!
Anyways that's about all I wanna say about hunting season...or wait, GOOD LUCK HUNTERS!!!
Just a little update. Last night our social worker came out. She hasn't seen Steve in a while and apparently they need to keep up with both foster parents, so it was time for her to visit. Anyways. She asked us "the" question??? Would we wanna adopted Rylee??? And together Steve and I said YES! Court is the 14th and well see what the judge says with how "mom" is doing. But come January CYS will petition the court to take both "mom" and "dads" rights away.....just saying that....how sad. Heart breaking really. And yet to gain a precious little girl permanently into our family someone has to lose something. And yet they truly have no clue what they are losing.
As I look back over the past year, year and a half, I think of how God has put so many things in place to make this happen, to bring Rylee in our lives. In my mind it's sorta like hunting. Sitting around and waiting for a huge blessing to come your way...to gain the trophy...to get what you've been waiting for! And yet we never thought this would be an option right now. And don't get me wrong, anything can happen from now till January and the judge can make any decision he wants, nothing is set in stone. But seriously it's been such a blessing alone just having this little girl in our lives for the past year, and it would be an even greater blessing to keep her as a part of our family. But God knows and now it's us waiting, patiently, hours, days....whatever it takes for God to fulfill HIS plan for our family.
So wish us luck on our journey and in the waiting process as we anticipate what will come our way.
Isn't it great how such a silly goofy ridiculous commercial can make you laugh. And yet the commercial isn't even the half of it for me. My Mom and Aunt love playing out this commercial and laughing their butts off to each others impersonations of it. So every time I see or hear comments about "hump day" their impersonations play out in my head and I sit here and smile. Laughter is SO contagious!!!
Think about how laughter is contagious. If youre having a bad day and you see a child laughing and giggling you just can't help but smile. What about kindness though? Same thing really. If someone holds a door for you or says "Good morning" you can't help but want to repeat that gesture. But what about when someone treats you unkind...are we quick to react back in the same manor? Is a bad attitude just as contagious as kindness and laughter? Sadly I think it is.
After my last blog post and repeatedly trying to drill out how negative and mistreating we are, today I also am following along those lines. Are we feeding into a poor crappy attitude of those around us. Bad attitudes are just as contagious as a childs laughter. If we are talking to a girlfriend, or our husbands, a neighbor or a stranger can our attitudes completely change by the conversation we are sharing with another. Hmmmmm I do find I can easily be swept away in this. And that would be my control side. If someone is confiding in me and sharing how their day is going and its based on negativity I find that I quickly get swept up in the why and wanna fix it and start analyzing how to do so. yeah that might not seem to bad but what is my response to the negative? Do I feed into it? Or am I encouraging a different response?
To be honest last night I had a weak moment. I broke down. Blame it on PMS, my never ending Sinus Infection, my dirty house and unmotivated attitude to fix that, whiny kids, no dinner on the stove and the hundreds of other things on my mind but I flipped. My husband...God love him. Has a very sarcastic attitude, it's who he is. I dont doubt God made him that way to attract people with his happy go lucky attitude but there are days when thats the last thing I wanna hear. Come rain or shine all of Steves emotions come out in sarcasm. Its his blessing and curse. I had had it and I broke down and when I break down all my emotions come running off my sleeve in a never ending stream and Steve sits there in a complete and utter silence just staring at me. He looked so confused as to where it all was coming from. I hold things in pretty good but when it comes out, it comes hard and it hits both Steve and I like a brick. I ended up taking a drive and just asking God to calm my heart and give me patience and kindness and the words to say as needed. Like I've repeatedly said I'm a control freak and no matter how hard a pray at times to keep my mouth shut and let God work, my big old mouth gets in the way and I speak before God shoves my big old foot in my mouth. I repeatedly at times need to sing the song in my head "He's still working on me, to make me what He wants me to be". Steve gets, again, very easily caught up in the negative and can't see through the fog, I know God is working on him with that but, me, I wanna help Him with that. Haha...as if I can do more then God...what a joke! Anyways yesterday I got caught up in anothers attitude and I responded poorly. This isn't just about Steve but about how I handle other peoples negative attitudes...am I feeding it or am I encouraging a different response. Or am I simply being a listener and doing neither cause sometimes silence is golden.
I got into writing this blog to constantly have a way to get my feelings out. Share whats on my mind and maybe encourage a person here or there along the way. I get I probably am not always the best person for that job but over all I just simply like typing it out and sharing it. Ive really been having a few things weighing on my mind lately and over the last year I feel God is encouraging me to reach out to woman in my area. I know He's calling me to step out of my comfort zone and do something I have no experience in and I've been fighting it...but He is not letting me forget what He's asking of me. I, or God is calling me to start a Bible study in my home. A night of encouraging other woman, to look into what God is expecting of us. This is not my comfort zone what so ever. I'm rather shy and stand off ish with this sorta thing and so I've been avoiding it. However I know its what I need and I know its what God wants of me. So with that said please pray for me as I go about this...coming up with a good, easy to understand study guide and how I find a way to encourage woman to come to my home for this.
Listening to Itunes radio and a song I have not heard in a long time has just come on. He Carries the weight of the world upon His shoulders. Wow! And He carries me! Do we honestly even grasp that? Do we truly understand all that means? We aren't alone, we don't hold the weight of the world on our shoulder, Jesus will hold it all for us? But today all I've been driven to think about is are we helping others carry their burden? Or are we loading them with even a more heavy one?
Ive recently been really struggling with how people respond to others, how we treat each other, how are words and actions come across and how absolutely absent minded we are. Do we simply not care? Or do we care more about gossip, our own opinions, judging and coming to our own conclusions then actually loving and caring about people? I love people. My heart aches for those that are aching and I can't stand not being able to fix it! But more then that my heart aches for those who simply don't get it! My heart breaks for believers who are doing more damage then good. Turning others away because they simply don't grasp loving others like Jesus and treating them kind, carrying their burdens with them, praying for them, being there for them, putting ourselves aside for others. I am in no way perfect, I fall short all the time so I'm probably the last person that should be saying any of this. I just really want to make people aware...it matters! What we do and say matters! I have listened to so many people lately crying their eyes out about how hurt they are by "church people" people who are to be different. I know as a believer we aren't perfect, we're all still human but what are we portraying to those around us? Are we really wanting people to think we don't care? Or do we simply not care?!
I find is so discouraging to hear of people making judgment calls on other peoples lives, gossiping about them, tearing them down when they don't even know all the information. And yet they say they care and love that person and only want the best for them. That information goes from one mouth to the next and by the time it gets back to the person it's about it is so distorted and hurtful and yet it was coming from love and not malice. I see people who need others hurdled around them in a time of need only to find the people they expected there were the first to bail. I have listened to so many people ache for a relationship with God and yet find the people who they thought would be there for them and help them grow be the first to turn them the opposite direction by their actions. So many people label "church people" as the biggest hypocrites and don't get why they should go to church if the things they do aren't any different then church goers? Are we different? And outside of being a believer are we simply different because we want others to be different? Do we even care?!
I don't know. I just want people to open their eyes! Why can't they see that what they do and say hurts people?! When people around us, stranger, friends, family are struggling why are we gossiping and not helping? Why are we backing away instead of embracing? Why do we find it so easy to talk rather then do? And why do we say its out of love when it's out of selfishness. People need people...they need to know we love them and care. They need to feel Jesus' love through us.
I have seen strangers, friends and family hurting in life and yet the thing that hurts them the most is how others make that hurt worse. I'm a pretty strong person, if you hurt me I'll probably ignore it. I'm not perfect and I never expect others to be. I forgive when needed and I apologize when thats needed. I sometimes hurt others when I'm not even trying to do that and all the things listed above i have done one time or another. God has changed my heart so much in the last year and I just ache for those around me. I truly see people who just simply don't care, they say they love Jesus and the last thing they are showing others is that same love. I guess I'm judging....I just get so confused about what we think is okay and acceptable anymore. Swearing, drinking, are clothes, gossiping, treating people unkind, are conduct in general. What are we saying to those around us? Or do we simply not care?!
I believe whole heartily that as a believer we are to be set apart. People are to know us by are deeds, our actions, are love, our kindness. I wanna live my life the best I can, I want others to know Jesus because of who I am and what he has done for me. I want them to look at me and know I am different....I never want anyone to question my faith and why I live the way I do. I want them to simply know I love Jesus and this is why I choose to be different. And I want them to know I care!
Is it really that time of year already?
This summer has simply flown right past us. And really here in Elk County we barely had a hot summer. Maybe a month of hotness for swimming and such. But no complaining here. While I love the heat. On visits to Lancaster County that humidity was a killer. Plus our electric bills hasn't been out of this world so that's deftly a blessing!!! Seriously though my tomatoes which are growing crazily in my garden have still yet to change to red! Oh I hope and pray they do!!! I can't express how much I love canning and freezing goodies from the summer months!!! And hold off on saying it's fall just yet....beach trip tomorrow for a few days!! Woohoo!!!! I can't wait!!! It's been a few years since we've gotten down there. I called my Great Aunt to check on availability for her beach condo and sadly she is selling it and this will most likely be our last time to enjoy it :( so we will enjoy away!!! And I canNOT wait to spend some quality, much needed time alone with my amazing husband. We've left Trent one time ever for time away and that was for one night, so this is very much needed. We celebrated our 12 year anniversary in August and this is our gift to ourselves. Why is it we feel so guilty leaving our kiddos behind? Steve and I love family activities and so we just always want the kids with us and therefore we've just gotten so accustomed to taking them every where with us. If we got to do things more like beach trips and away trips we might feel different but when we do get to do special things we want to do them as a family. Since moving it has been so hard having time alone and date nights? What are those? Haven't had one of those since last fall I believe. So needless to say I'm so incredibly excited that my parents are willng to keep the kiddos for two days and then bring them down to the beach with us and spend a few days as a family!!!
Guess it's time for an update on Life....
Trent started HeadStart this week and he loves it!!! He begged and begged to go to school, just didn't understand why his friends couldn't play and were in school and he wasn't. What a blessing that school is! 4 days a week 8-2 and free!!! He even gets free breakfast and lunch!! When his IU9 teacher brought the school to my attention and recommended I got on their waiting list I thought he'll never get in, it's for low income families and we wont qualify. Well apparently they have to let so many children above the income limit in according to their government regulations. So an amazing answer to prayers!!! Plus his one teacher goes to our church so just another blessing for this nervous momma. Another great blessing, next week Awana starts here as well and I can't wait to start taking Trent to that. He loves being social and having structured settings, he thrives on it! Plus nothing beats Trent sharing about learning about His Jesus :)
Sweet little Rylee. Again as I've said SO many times, what a little blessing she is. She is teaching me so much..or Jesus is! Patience and understanding! Something I've always battled with. This little girl can be such a hand full and yet the next time you turn around she gives a huge bear hug and a kiss and she melts your heart. I've never had to deal with such craziness as I do with her, and what a drama queen she is. But what a personality. She's finally starting to grow and get meat on her little bones. Docs were rather concerned for a while cause she simply wasn't gaining weight at all. Now she's 17lbs at 15 months and eats like crazy as she always has and shes so mobile and gets into everything!!! She loves playing and gets pretty much every toy out in her site. I'm convinced she can't stand things being cleaned...messy girl for sure!!! As for her Mom, sadly she is back in a half way house and wont be getting out till November. Court is next month and so we will deftly be keeping her again till at least April when our next court date will be. However in January CYS will petition the court to take moms rights away. Such a sad sad thing to understand. And yes since everyone keeps asking, if Rylee comes up for adoption will we keep her...YES! How could we ever not?! God brought this little girl into our lives for a reason and so if God wants this little girl to stay here He will make a way for that to happen as well.
Steve is still working hard in the woods. Work has been horrible this year. Rain rain and more rain keeping the loggers out of the woods. Ya know, somedays I just could complain all day about our crazy messed up finances and yet God knows, He provides. Steve can get pretty discouraged at times about our move and his job and our financial situation. I just try to encourage at all times. To constantly remind him that we are taken care of. That every time something comes up that God provides a way. We make mistakes financial all the time, I still screw up our bank account and we never save for future stuff and I stink at budgeting things. But over and over again God provides for us and takes care of us...regardless of me! Isn't that enough to just trust in Him? Steve had a side job he just finished and I was lucky enough to help my Dad twice last week with a job. And now another neighbor asked Steve about another side job last night...just another huge blessing!!! Yes we are never a head on anything and just when we think money is there to pay one thing another thing happens, it's deftly discouraging! But God is constantly providing a way. I have looked into job after job to help us a bit and yet nothing works around Trents school schedule and Rylee. I guess I could make tons of excuses but people do it, but for us, me being at home is currently where I need to be. So we pray, try to constantly be smart and simply trust God to continue providing our needs. PLUS for God to smash a hammer on our hands when we are reaching into our pockets to spend money foolishly! My husband is such a hard worker, nothing makes him more happy then to constantly have his hands busy doing something constructive and I couldn't thank God enough for a man that loves providing for his family. I do pray for constant contentment for Steve, that He will have a settled happy trusting content heart. He can quickly get very caught up in the negatives and be swept away in self pity and that breaks my heart. God is SO incredibly good and I just wish he could see through the fog and just trust that!
As for me. God has opened my eyes to what my purpose is in life and why I am where I am and what I need to be doing. I never thought years ago that I would need to step out of my comfort zone and be who I know I need to be now. God has opened my heart to people. People I never would have opened my heart and mind to before. All judgment aside and open arms. I've always prayed for an open door in my home and heart. And God is teaching me patience and understanding, something I've battled for years. I'm starting to truly understand Jesus' love for people and I'm praying daily to share a piece of that to others around me. Man that simply makes me choke up! I wanna show Jesus' love through me at all times! Nothing beats a table at dinner time with two extra boys at, one who has joined us a few times before, we go to pray and that little boy grabs my hand. We are showing others what Jesus means to us even in a simply dinner time prayer. Sweet little Rylee even has her hands and arms out knowing to get that food we have to hold hands first. #hugesmileonmyface
Something else thats been on my mind a lot lately is my Grandpa. He has Alzheimer and after wondering from his home last week and falling he was taken into a home. It was time. However the other night Walk the Line was on tv and nothing makes me smile more then knowing how excited my Grandpa is to share over and over again how he met Jonny Cash at the Reinholds carnival. And every Christmas and Thanksgiving you can guarantee he will ask my Dad to play the Jonny Cash movie. My Grandpa years and years ago was scorn by his divorce with my Grandma. He became a hermit. Never did anything with himself. Didn't keep up with his looks grew out his hair and beard, his house hasn't changed since my Grandma left, just simply let everything go. He retired early and besides going to a diner and the gym everyday he did nothing with himself. Pretty much shut down to the world just angry at how his life turned out. However my Grandpa knows Jesus and if he passed away today I know where he will be. Nothing excites me more then to know my Dad has talked to his Dad about this and we can all rest assured knowing someday my Grandpa will be celebrating with Jesus. I love my Grandpa. And I didn't see him often besides cleaning his home for him and taking him dinners and holidays and yet I have good memories of him. He loved my Grandma and his divorce and thoughts on marriage are crushing and his negatives towards that can be hard to hear. I know my Dad can look back and not have such great memories of the things his Dad did with him and the time spent together. But I praise my Dad for his love for his Dad even still. My Dad has deftly showed me to treats others how you want to be treated and not how you were treated. Thats his Dad and regardless he loves him. My Grandpa has shown me what divorce can do to people, he has spent years living in that moment, never getting past it. He has shown me what love he had for my Grandma, but he maybe learned a lesson WAY to late. What my Dad has shown me...LOVE! My Grandpa, my Dad, mom, friends, kids someday they will be gone. One day some of our loved ones may come to a point where they don't even know us anymore. Love them now. Show them what they mean to you while you can. Spend time with those you love and care about. Make them feel of worth, that at the end of everyday they know where they stand with you and so they never have to question that in the end. My biggest peeve right now is technology. Everyones on a device, we can't go a minute without checking our phones, ipad, ipods, etc. We feel because we're in the same room or building as someone we're spending time with them. And yet how alone we can still make someone feel...get off your device and engage in the people around you! Tomorrow those people may not be there and how will you feel then??
Happy Hump Day all!!!!
Sunday, Oh how I love Sundays. Church and then a bunch of relaxing and quiet time while the kiddos nap. So while I really wanna read right now, for some reason all my head keeps saying is "do you know how long it's been since you've blogged?" So I guess it's time for a little catch up blogging session.
Well what a busy summer so far, but what a wonderful summer it's been. Lets start with the Rice Family Vacation in the Poconos. What an amazing time that was. So much relaxing was done. I got to enjoy lots of reading and oh my was that just a pure slice of heaven!!!! Yes I love love love slipping away in a good book. Rylee got to spend a few days with Grammie and Poppop to give me some much needed recouping time. I was feeling very overwhelmed with life and with fostering and all the challenges that can bring. I sorta got swept away in negative thoughts and found myself complaining more then ever and not being able to get out of my negative mind setting. Man fostering is NOT for the weak! Anyways after even a day I missed that little girl and even if she can be a handful I wanted her with me. I truly believe my stress of dealing with "mom" was overwhelming my relationship with Rylee and we fed off of each other in a very negative way. Things have dramatically changed and what a blessing things have been since. I have cut communication with Rylee's Mom and things have gone so much smoother. I prayed to always have an open relationship and an open home to the whole family of any foster child we ever get. However at this point distance is key. My main responsibility is to Rylee and my family and my relationship with "Mom" was hindering that. Lesson learned. God has deftly lead me and showed me He is controlling this situation. I NEED to just trust him. We stayed in a beautiful home on Lake Wallenpapeck,
if you haven't been it's gorgeous. Trent loved being with all his cousins,
nothing blesses and touches my heart more then seeing a constant smile on that little boys face. From walks, bike rides, swimming, tubing, playtime, tennis matches, boating, fishing, movies,reading, games, it was just such an amazing blessing to spend some quality time away and with family.
It has been a raining wet, muddy spring and summer. Steve has only been capable of working 3 full weeks so far since 3 months of layoff in April...blah! And yet I have never felt more peace in knowing God is taking care of us and no amount of worrying will do any good. God knows are needs and wants and I believe in His promises. I have never felt more blessed. Every time i find myself even remotely questioning where money will come from to pay a certain bill, God provides. Just this week we were blessed with money to pay our spring taxes. They were late and not two months ago I just managed to pay our fall taxes and now these? We've been praying that the rain would just stop but that day we were thankful for the rain. Whenever I get wrapped up in the unknown I have to remind myself that God knows...and he's taking care of us. Don't get me wrong I'm a control freak and I hate the unknown, I also worry, I worry about others and that tends to control me more then worrying about me and my house hold. I pray constantly for other people, I pray for peace for others and for them to see how truly good God is.
While I was in the Poconos I got to cuddle my little nephew, Micah. I cant even describe how much I enjoyed that.
I know that God brought fertility issues into Steve and my life for a reason. I also know that He brought Trent into our lives for a reason. Every time I get a little sad that I couldn't have another baby through a pregnancy of my own, I look at my son and know what a huge miracle he is and that God blessed us with him and I just hold onto that thankfulness and blessing of that. It breaks my heart to hear of couples that have never had children and who have prayed and prayed and prayed for them, if it wasn't for SnowFlake Embryo Adoption and God opening the doors for us to do that we wouldn't have Trent. But for all the times that I prayed for a full home of children I see that God is answering that prayer. They don't need to be "my children" but what a fulfillment you can get in being their for other children when you are needed most. Loving them regardless of blood and circumstances. My home will always be open to children, and I will do my best to let them know there is something so much better out there and that Jesus Loves them more then Anything!
One of the highlights of my day is heading outside in the morning and checking out my garden. Seems ridiculous but the thought of reaping what I sow. Planting, watering, tilling, weeding, nurturing and reaping the fruits. I love my garden and it maybe small but my veggie plants are not!
I can't wait to can!!! And oh what yummy zucchine bread, I mean sweet bread, we have had. I would never have gotten Steve to try anything with a veggie know in front of it so I changed the name...he loves it!!! And now he knows what it's really called and he even requests it! Fooling people is sometimes needed. I also have enjoyed picking fresh blueberries from my neighbors bushes and oh man was my first home made blueberry pie yummy!!!!
Then lets see here...as if there isn't enough projects going on in my home, yesterday I got the project itch! After I started ripping some tile down I decided hey why not tear out carpet?!
Why oh wow people think it's wise to put carpet in bathrooms and kitchens is beyond me but yes we had carpet in both in our home and now they are both out! Felt a little regret after I started without a helper (my dad) but I did it! And it's going to be quite a while till a new floor is put in but oh well, just a reality in redoing a home. I'm deftly again very thankful for my construction skills. I usually never practice them anymore, sorta like if I'm not getting paid for the work I'm not doing it. But hey after 10 plus years in the construction, electrical, plumbing field I guess I should be thankful that I can do it if I choose.
Trent has had a busy summer so far. From the Park program which lasts 6 weeks, every Tuesday thru Thursday 9-12 and then this week VBS from 6-830 he has been wiped out! Then he has been spending lots of time with his new buddy Tyler. What a blessing those two little boys are. They have such a cute little friendship and beg to play with each other daily. We've also had the joy of getting to know Tylers parents. I've prayed for friendships here and we are building one with them. They've been going through quite a lot here lately. They found out a few months ago their daughter Sara who is 12 has bone cancer. So from chemo to surgery to remove her knee and tibia they have been hit with a lot, more then most people could ever handle. My heart breaks for them at times but I know God is holding them tightly in His arms and He knew of this before Sara was even a thought in her parents minds. He is in control! Trying to be there for them when we're needed, even if it's just with a listening ear. Another highlight if you haven't heard, Trent will be going to HeadStart this year!!! An answer to prayer! He will also continue to work with IU9 once a week while there. Trent thrives in school and I know he will love it! Me on the other hand...He's growing up to fast and I'm gonna miss him at home with me :( As for his leg issues, well we have yet to get answers and we're hoping the mysterious pains will just go away. Next for him would be a Rheumatology Evaluation.
So to start off our week Rylee is suppose to have an in home visit with her Mom tomorrow. After her cancelling 4 times in two weeks I'm not gonna rush around in the morning getting everything ready to early, we'll see if it happens. Trent has the park program yet this week and it's WetNWild week!!! He's going to love it!!! Then Thursday me and the kiddos head to Lancaster to be with my family and enjoy Knoebels on Monday with family and friends, I can't wait!!!! Steve's focus while we are away is maybe to get some fishing in and fix his dirt bike in order to sell it!!!
Final thought....A book we have for Trent that I just love reading is FireBird, if you have children and you don't have it, it's a good one to have. Anyways it's about rain and storms and where the sun goes during those times. It never goes away, it's right there behind the clouds. A great reminder for all. God never leaves us, not even during our worst times. He's always there. We just have to look for him. My focus lately is to see the good in the little things and to focus on them and how truly blessed I am every minute of everyday.
