He's carrying me....

Listening to Itunes radio and a song I have not heard in a long time has just come on. He Carries the weight of the world upon His shoulders. Wow! And He carries me! Do we honestly even grasp that? Do we truly understand all that means? We aren't alone, we don't hold the weight of the world on our shoulder, Jesus will hold it all for us? But today all I've been driven to think about is are we helping others carry their burden? Or are we loading them with even a more heavy one? 

Ive recently been really struggling with how people respond to others, how we treat each other, how are words and actions come across and how absolutely absent minded we are. Do we simply not care? Or do we care more about gossip, our own opinions, judging and coming to our own conclusions then actually loving and caring about people? I love people. My heart aches for those that are aching and I can't stand not being able to fix it! But more then that my heart aches for those who simply don't get it! My heart breaks for believers who are doing more damage then good. Turning others away because they simply don't grasp loving others like Jesus and treating them kind, carrying their burdens with them, praying for them, being there for them, putting ourselves aside for others. I am in no way perfect, I fall short all the time so I'm probably the last person that should be saying any of this. I just really want to make people aware...it matters! What we do and say matters! I have listened to so many people lately crying their eyes out about how hurt they are by "church people" people who are to be different. I know as a believer we aren't perfect, we're all still human but what are we portraying to those around us? Are we really wanting people to think we don't care? Or do we simply not care?! 

I find is so discouraging to hear of people making judgment calls on other peoples lives, gossiping about them, tearing them down when they don't even know all the information. And yet they say they care and love that person and only want the best for them. That information goes from one mouth to the next and by the time it gets back to the person it's about it is so distorted and hurtful and yet it was coming from love and not malice. I see people who need others hurdled around them in a time of need only to find the people they expected there were the first to bail. I have listened to so many people ache for a relationship with God and yet find the people who they thought would be there for them and help them grow be the first to turn them the opposite direction by their actions. So many people label "church people" as the biggest hypocrites and don't get why they should go to church if the things they do aren't any different then church goers? Are we different? And outside of being a believer are we simply different because we want others to be different? Do we even care?! 

I don't know. I just want people to open their eyes! Why can't they see that what they do and say hurts people?! When people around us, stranger, friends, family are struggling why are we gossiping and not helping? Why are we backing away instead of embracing? Why do we find it so easy to talk rather then do? And why do we say its out of love when it's out of selfishness. People need people...they need to know we love them and care. They need to feel Jesus' love through us. 

I have seen strangers, friends and family hurting in life and yet the thing that hurts them the most is how others make that hurt worse. I'm a pretty strong person, if you hurt me I'll probably ignore it. I'm not perfect and I never expect others to be. I forgive when needed and I apologize when thats needed. I sometimes hurt others when I'm not even trying to do that and all the things listed above i have done one time or another. God has changed my heart so much in the last year and I just ache for those around me. I truly see people who just simply don't care, they say they love Jesus and the last thing they are showing others is that same love. I guess I'm judging....I just get so confused about what we think is okay and acceptable anymore. Swearing, drinking, are clothes, gossiping, treating people unkind, are conduct in general. What are we saying to those around us? Or do we simply not care?!

I believe whole heartily that as a believer we are to be set apart. People are to know us by are deeds, our actions, are love, our kindness. I wanna live my life the best I can, I want others to know Jesus because of who I am and what he has done for me. I want them to look at me and know I am different....I never want anyone to question my faith and why I live the way I do. I want them to simply know I love Jesus and this is why I choose to be different. And I want them to know I care!  

Is Summer really coming to an end....

           Is it really that time of year already?

This summer has simply flown right past us. And really here in Elk County we barely had a hot summer. Maybe a month of hotness for swimming and such. But no complaining here. While I love the heat. On visits to Lancaster County that humidity was a killer. Plus our electric bills hasn't been out of this world so that's deftly a blessing!!! Seriously though my tomatoes which are growing crazily in my garden have still yet to change to red! Oh I hope and pray they do!!! I can't express how much I love canning and freezing goodies from the summer months!!! And hold off on saying it's fall just yet....beach trip tomorrow for a few days!! Woohoo!!!! I can't wait!!! It's been a few years since we've gotten down there. I called my Great Aunt to check on availability for her beach condo and sadly she is selling it and this will most likely be our last time to enjoy it :( so we will enjoy away!!! And I canNOT wait to spend some quality, much needed time alone with my amazing husband. We've left Trent one time ever for time away and that was for one night, so this is very much needed. We celebrated our 12 year anniversary in August and this is our gift to ourselves. Why is it we feel so guilty leaving our kiddos behind? Steve and I love family activities and so we just always want the kids with us and therefore we've just gotten so accustomed to taking them every where with us. If we got to do things more like beach trips and away trips we might feel different but when we do get to do special things we want to do them as a family. Since moving it has been so hard having time alone and date nights? What are those? Haven't had one of those since last fall I believe. So needless to say I'm so incredibly excited that my parents are willng to keep the kiddos for two days and then bring them down to the beach with us and spend a few days as a family!!! 

Guess it's time for an update on Life....
       Trent started HeadStart this week and he loves it!!! He begged and begged to go to school, just didn't understand why his friends couldn't play and were in school and he wasn't. What a blessing that school is! 4 days a week 8-2 and free!!! He even gets free breakfast and lunch!! When his IU9 teacher brought the school to my attention and recommended I got on their waiting list I thought he'll never get in, it's for low income families and we wont qualify. Well apparently they have to let so many children above the income limit in according to their government regulations. So an amazing answer to prayers!!! Plus his one teacher goes to our church so just another blessing for this nervous momma. Another great blessing, next week Awana starts here as well and I can't wait to start taking Trent to that. He loves being social and having structured settings, he thrives on it! Plus nothing beats Trent sharing about learning about His Jesus :)

       Sweet little Rylee. Again as I've said SO many times, what a little blessing she is. She is teaching me so much..or Jesus is! Patience and understanding! Something I've always battled with. This little girl can be such a hand full and yet the next time you turn around she gives a huge bear hug and a kiss and she melts your heart. I've never had to deal with such craziness as I do with her, and what a drama queen she is. But what a personality. She's finally starting to grow and get meat on her little bones. Docs were rather concerned for a while cause she simply wasn't gaining weight at all. Now she's 17lbs at 15 months and eats like crazy as she always has and shes so mobile and gets into everything!!! She loves playing and gets pretty much every toy out in her site. I'm convinced she can't stand things being cleaned...messy girl for sure!!! As for her Mom, sadly she is back in a half way house and wont be getting out till November. Court is next month and so we will deftly be keeping her again till at least April when our next court date will be. However in January CYS will petition the court to take moms rights away. Such a sad sad thing to understand. And yes since everyone keeps asking, if Rylee comes up for adoption will we keep her...YES! How could we ever not?! God brought this little girl into our lives for a reason and so if God wants this little girl to stay here He will make a way for that to happen as well. 

      Steve is still working hard in the woods. Work has been horrible this year. Rain rain and more rain keeping the loggers out of the woods. Ya know, somedays I just could complain all day about our crazy messed up finances and yet God knows, He provides. Steve can get pretty discouraged at times about our move and his job and our financial situation. I just try to encourage at all times. To constantly remind him that we are taken care of. That every time something comes up that God provides a way. We make mistakes financial all the time, I still screw up our bank account and we never save for future stuff and I stink at budgeting things. But over and over again God provides for us and takes care of us...regardless of me! Isn't that enough to just trust in Him? Steve had a side job he just finished and I was lucky enough to help my Dad twice last week with a job. And now another neighbor asked Steve about another side job last night...just another huge blessing!!! Yes we are never a head on anything and just when we think money is there to pay one thing another thing happens, it's deftly discouraging! But God is constantly providing a way. I have looked into job after job to help us a bit and yet nothing works around Trents school schedule and Rylee. I guess I could make tons of excuses but people do it, but for us, me being at home is currently where I need to be. So we pray, try to constantly be smart and simply trust God to continue providing our needs. PLUS for God to smash a hammer on our hands when we are reaching into our pockets to spend money foolishly! My husband is such a hard worker, nothing makes him more happy then to constantly have his hands busy doing something constructive and I couldn't thank God enough for a man that loves providing for his family. I do pray for constant contentment for Steve, that He will have a settled happy trusting content heart. He can quickly get very caught up in the negatives and be swept away in self pity and that breaks my heart. God is SO incredibly good and I just wish he could see through the fog and just trust that! 

      As for me. God has opened my eyes to what my purpose is in life and why I am where I am and what I need to be doing. I never thought years ago that I would need to step out of my comfort zone and be who I know I need to be now. God has opened my heart to people. People I never would have opened my heart and mind to before. All judgment aside and open arms. I've always prayed for an open door in my home and heart. And God is teaching me patience and understanding, something I've battled for years. I'm starting to truly understand Jesus' love for people and I'm praying daily to share a piece of that to others around me. Man that simply makes me choke up! I wanna show Jesus' love through me at all times! Nothing beats a table at dinner time with two extra boys at, one who has joined us a few times before, we go to pray and that little boy grabs my hand. We are showing others what Jesus means to us even in a simply dinner time prayer. Sweet little Rylee even has her hands and arms out knowing to get that food we have to hold hands first. #hugesmileonmyface

Something else thats been on my mind a lot lately is my Grandpa. He has Alzheimer and after wondering from his home last week and falling he was taken into a home. It was time. However the other night Walk the Line was on tv and nothing makes me smile more then knowing how excited my Grandpa is to share over and over again how he met Jonny Cash at the Reinholds carnival. And every Christmas and Thanksgiving you can guarantee he will ask my Dad to play the Jonny Cash movie. My Grandpa years and years ago was scorn by his divorce with my Grandma. He became a hermit. Never did anything with himself. Didn't keep up with his looks grew out his hair and beard, his house hasn't changed since my Grandma left, just simply let everything go. He retired early and besides going to a diner and the gym everyday he did nothing with himself. Pretty much shut down to the world just angry at how his life turned out. However my Grandpa knows Jesus and if he passed away today I know where he will be. Nothing excites me more then to know my Dad has talked to his Dad about this and we can all rest assured knowing someday my Grandpa will be celebrating with Jesus. I love my Grandpa. And I didn't see him often besides cleaning his home for him and taking him dinners and holidays and yet I have good memories of him. He loved my Grandma and his divorce and thoughts on marriage are crushing and his negatives towards that can be hard to hear. I know my Dad can look back and not have such great memories of the things his Dad did with him and the time spent together. But I praise my Dad for his love for his Dad even still. My Dad has deftly showed me to treats others how you want to be treated and not how you were treated. Thats his Dad and regardless he loves him. My Grandpa has shown me what divorce can do to people, he has spent years living in that moment, never getting past it. He has shown me what love he had for my Grandma, but he maybe learned a lesson WAY to late. What my Dad has shown me...LOVE! My Grandpa, my Dad, mom, friends, kids someday they will be gone. One day some of our loved ones may come to a point where they don't even know us anymore. Love them now. Show them what they mean to you while you can. Spend time with those you love and care about. Make them feel of worth, that at the end of everyday they know where they stand with you and so they never have to question that in the end. My biggest peeve right now is technology. Everyones on a device, we can't go a minute without checking our phones, ipad, ipods, etc. We feel because we're in the same room or building as someone we're spending time with them. And yet how alone we can still make someone feel...get off your device and engage in the people around you! Tomorrow those people may not be there and how will you feel then??

Happy Hump Day all!!!!     
   

        

Sunday, Oh how I love Sundays. Church and then a bunch of relaxing and quiet time while the kiddos nap. So while I really wanna read right now, for some reason all my head keeps saying is "do you know how long it's been since you've blogged?" So I guess it's time for a little catch up blogging session.

Well what a busy summer so far, but what a wonderful summer it's been. Lets start with the Rice Family Vacation in the Poconos. What an amazing time that was. So much relaxing was done. I got to enjoy lots of reading and oh my was that just a pure slice of heaven!!!! Yes I love love love slipping away in a good book. Rylee got to spend a few days with Grammie and Poppop to give me some much needed recouping time. I was feeling very overwhelmed with life and with fostering and all the challenges that can bring. I sorta got swept away in negative thoughts and found myself complaining more then ever and not being able to get out of my negative mind setting. Man fostering is NOT for the weak! Anyways after even a day I missed that little girl and even if she can be a handful I wanted her with me. I truly believe my stress of dealing with "mom" was overwhelming my relationship with Rylee and we fed off of each other in a very negative way. Things have dramatically changed and what a blessing things have been since. I have cut communication with Rylee's Mom and things have gone so much smoother. I prayed to always have an open relationship and an open home to the whole family of any foster child we ever get. However at this point distance is key. My main responsibility is to Rylee and my family and my relationship with "Mom" was hindering that. Lesson learned. God has deftly lead me and showed me He is controlling this situation. I NEED to just trust him. We stayed in a beautiful home on Lake Wallenpapeck,

 if you haven't been it's gorgeous. Trent loved being with all his cousins,

nothing blesses and touches my heart more then seeing a constant smile on that little boys face. From walks, bike rides, swimming, tubing, playtime, tennis matches, boating, fishing, movies,reading, games, it was just such an amazing blessing to spend some quality time away and with family.

It has been a raining wet, muddy spring and summer. Steve has only been capable of working 3 full weeks so far since 3 months of layoff in April...blah! And yet I have never felt more peace in knowing God is taking care of us and no amount of worrying will do any good. God knows are needs and wants and I believe in His promises. I have never felt more blessed. Every time i find myself even remotely questioning where money will come from to pay a certain bill, God provides. Just this week we were blessed with money to pay our spring taxes. They were late and not two months ago I just managed to pay our fall taxes and now these? We've been praying that the rain would just stop but that day we were thankful for the rain. Whenever I get wrapped up in the unknown I have to remind myself that God knows...and he's taking care of us. Don't get me wrong I'm a control freak and I hate the unknown, I also worry, I worry about others and that tends to control me more then worrying about me and my house hold. I pray constantly for other people, I pray for peace for others and for them to see how truly good God is. 

While I was in the Poconos I got to cuddle my little nephew, Micah. I cant even describe how much I enjoyed that. 

I know that God brought fertility issues into Steve and my life for a reason. I also know that He brought Trent into our lives for a reason. Every time I get a little sad that I couldn't have another baby through a pregnancy of my own, I look at my son and know what a huge miracle he is and that God blessed us with him and I just hold onto that thankfulness and blessing of that. It breaks my heart to hear of couples that have never had children and who have prayed and prayed and prayed for them, if it wasn't for SnowFlake Embryo Adoption and God opening the doors for us to do that we wouldn't have Trent. But for all the times that I prayed for a full home of children I see that God is answering that prayer. They don't need to be "my children" but what a fulfillment you can get in being their for other children when you are needed most. Loving them regardless of blood and circumstances. My home will always be open to children, and I will do my best to let them know there is something so much better out there and that Jesus Loves them more then Anything! 

One of the highlights of my day is heading outside in the morning and checking out my garden. Seems ridiculous but the thought of reaping what I sow. Planting, watering, tilling, weeding, nurturing and reaping the fruits. I love my garden and it maybe small but my veggie plants are not!

I can't wait to can!!! And oh what yummy zucchine bread, I mean sweet bread, we have had. I would never have gotten Steve to try anything with a veggie know in front of it so I changed the name...he loves it!!! And now he knows what it's really called and he even requests it! Fooling people is sometimes needed. I also have enjoyed picking fresh blueberries from my neighbors bushes and oh man was my first home made blueberry pie yummy!!!! 

Then lets see here...as if there isn't enough projects going on in my home, yesterday I got the project itch! After I started ripping some tile down I decided hey why not tear out carpet?!

Why oh wow people think it's wise to put carpet in bathrooms and kitchens is beyond me but yes we had carpet in both in our home and now they are both out! Felt a little regret after I started without a helper (my dad) but I did it! And it's going to be quite a while till a new floor is put in but oh well,  just a reality in redoing a home. I'm deftly again very thankful for my construction skills. I usually never practice them anymore, sorta like if I'm not getting paid for the work I'm not doing it. But hey after 10 plus years in the construction, electrical, plumbing field I guess I should be thankful that I can do it if I choose. 

Trent has had a busy summer so far. From the Park program which lasts 6 weeks, every Tuesday thru Thursday 9-12 and then this week VBS from 6-830 he has been wiped out! Then he has been spending lots of time with his new buddy Tyler. What a blessing those two little boys are. They have such a cute little friendship and beg to play with each other daily. We've also had the joy of getting to know Tylers parents. I've prayed for friendships here and we are building one with them. They've been going through quite a lot here lately. They found out a few months ago their daughter Sara who is 12 has bone cancer. So from chemo to surgery to remove her knee and tibia they have been hit with a lot, more then most people could ever handle. My heart breaks for them at times but I know God is holding them tightly in His arms and He knew of this before Sara was even a thought in her parents minds. He is in control! Trying to be there for them when we're needed, even if it's just with a listening ear. Another highlight if you haven't heard, Trent will be going to HeadStart this year!!! An answer to prayer! He will also continue to work with IU9 once a week while there. Trent thrives in school and I know he will love it! Me on the other hand...He's growing up to fast and I'm gonna miss him at home with me :( As for his leg issues, well we have yet to get answers and we're hoping the mysterious pains will just go away. Next for him would be a Rheumatology Evaluation.

So to start off our week Rylee is suppose to have an in home visit with her Mom tomorrow. After her cancelling 4 times in two weeks I'm not gonna rush around in the morning getting everything ready to early, we'll see if it happens. Trent has the park program yet this week and it's WetNWild week!!! He's going to love it!!! Then Thursday me and the kiddos head to Lancaster to be with my family and enjoy Knoebels on Monday with family and friends, I can't wait!!!! Steve's focus while we are away is maybe to get some fishing in and fix his dirt bike in order to sell it!!! 

Final thought....A book we have for Trent that I just love reading is FireBird, if you have children and you don't have it, it's a good one to have. Anyways it's about rain and storms and where the sun goes during those times. It never goes away, it's right there behind the clouds.  A great reminder for all. God never leaves us, not even during our worst times. He's always there. We just have to look for him. My focus lately is to see the good in the little things and to focus on them and how truly blessed I am every minute of everyday. 

May is in full bloom

What amazing weather we've had this week. Such a blessing and a spirit lifter. Basking in the warmth and sunshine. Being outside all day long, I can't even describe how much it's lifted my spirits!!! And yet I'm sure some of you have felt the same blessing this week. I love these days. 

Got to finally plant my tomato, zucchini and pepper plants, grow baby grow!!!! Love yard work, as long as its not too tedious cause I'm not to into hard physical labor anymore. Anything to be outside though. Still working on redoing our yard from the mess it was and still pulling multiple bushes out and sifting around recycled soil to fill in spots. Overall though our yard is finally getting somewhere!

Open windows and airing out my house!!! Much needed after such a cooped up winter inside. I must admit our house reeks of old people smell. ICK! Pretty much need to yank out our carpet and I've yet to want to conquer that choir. Guess I'll just wait for my Dad ;)

Another great thing to me, as corny as it sounds, is being able to hang laundry out. I love it!!! Pretty much the only time I love doing laundry. I don't know what it is about it but I love it. Feeling like the little bit of electric it saves me is a good thing and allowing me to be outside to hang it...key thing outside and I'm still getting work done!! 

And then there's the book reading. Oh what a blessing it's been to enjoy some reading time. I love reading and actually have read and finished 4 books in the last few weeks!!! I miss reading at times and it's just truly an amazing escape. Feet up, flippies on, a kiss of sunshine on my skin, while a book in hand! Thank you Jesus!!

But the biggest blessing of all is watching my son play. He loves being outdoors and his imagination just goes crazy. Watching him play and talk to himself is amazing to me. I had a huge imagination as a kid, playing house was my favorite thing. I was hoping Trent would be like that...be capable of playing anywhere and enjoying himself. He goes through at least 2 changes of clothes a day, sometimes more but hey just gives me more laundry to hang ;) And little Rylee...she loves to swing and usually cries as soon as you remove her from it. She also loves our water table, she is also starting to go through multiple outfit as shes usually wet and covered in dirt and grass. Hey let them be little and have fun...no harm done. 

Last but not least what a blessing it has been to spend so much quality time with my husband. He has been laid off for quite a while now and I've been loving having him home. Walks, time at the park, outside fun, trips to Lancaster, petting zoo, so many things. One of our more popular things to do as a family is race Trents power wheels and his dirt bike around our yard. We do it way too often and probably look a bit goofy but oh the fun we have. However Steves time at home is finally coming to an end, he has finally been called back to work!!!! Love having him home but hey the bills need paid and he defly needs to get back to the grind of things. Routine is a good thing, waking up everyday knowing you have a huge purpose is a great thing! God made men to work hard and support their families and I am beyond greatful for a man who loves doing just that and strives to always do it better. Praying God works in Steve as he's heading back to work, rests his worries and allows him to know his presence in his life, the blessings he has given us and mainly the great man he is and can be with Gods strong hand in our lives. 

In the winter time its so easy to sorta get wrapped up in a self pity party. To not be capable of seeing all the major blessings. To focus on the boring ickiness of being cooped up and starring at 4 walls all day, everyday. In the past few months I've been trying to reevaluate myself. Counting my blessings everyday and focusing on each day being made new. I had a few rough weeks a few months ago and needed a break and got to spend sometime away and regroup. I needed it like crazy at the time. Its so easy to get wrapped up in the negatives and after so much weighing down on me and not being able to see through the light and not understanding how I even got to that point I needed to pray and hard! Life is hard! Sometimes it's really hard to see the light. God is always there and why we just can't see that at times and are blinded to that totally baffles me. I need to focus everyday on the blessings and all he gives to me. I need to understand that all my struggles are to get me where he wants me and he's merely saying trust in Me! He has it all under control, nothing is outside of his plan for me. His WILL will be done and not mine...I'm not in control! A friendly reminder to myself daily! 

So with all that said here's a little update on us. Trent started this week with an I.U.9 teacher. She will work with him twice a week for the next few months till they feel he is where he should be. He's doing wonderful and thrives with her assistance. He loves one on one help. We're pretty sure the chaos of all the kiddos just gets to him at times and he can't focus then on the lessons. We still haven't heard from Head Start and I'm hoping we do soon. It would be a great program to get him into and defly help financially, it's a free program and he will attend 4 days a week. He loves structure so school will be a great thing for him...but momma will defly be missing him, not a fan of the 4 days. 

Rylee is also doing well. She can be a handful at times but she can also be such a sweetie. Fostering has been a lot harder then I thought. I still struggle with my heart and getting so attached to her, wanting to protect myself from the brokeness I could feel in the end. It has been very difficult dealing with Mom. I've actually had to cut back on the communication with her and I think thats helped. Court was very rough this last time and I never want to do it again however I can't avoid it. Its defly just a learning process and I'm sure this is all normal for new foster parents. Rylee has 8 teeth now, she's crawling like a champ, moves from one piece of furniture to the next, eats like its her last meal ever and loves everything food related!! She's still little but growing. Shes just about 11 months old and just got into 6-9 months clothing and that depends on the name brand. Oh but what a drama queen we have. She's very demanding of your full attention and will let you know exactly when she wants it. She also likes to have tantrums and scream her little head off, what a voice she has....loud!!!!!! Time outs have started! Usually they take place during dinner when she isn't getting what she needs and needs sometime to calm down. Seems to be working. We find that when she gets it out and realizes were not giving in she calms down and moves on...thank you Jesus! Her favorite thing is Praise Baby she gets completely mezmorized and it's absolutely adorable to watch her watch it!

As a family we have been attending a new church. Faith Baptist. We love it. Nothing will be what we are use to and we need to just realize that. It is however full of amazing, God loving, friendly people. It is small though and there is not a lot of kids and that's a little hard for us with Trent but hey it can grow!! I'm excited to get involved. There's a womans Bible study and I want to start attending that, there also is a feeding the community time and I can't wait to help with that, I also want to include Trent in that as much as possible! Not much else to really update you on. We continue to want to meet knew people here and gain some good friendships. We haven't really been able to get real close to people but we do talk to a bunch of people and everyone is so incredibly friendly here and we couldn't ask for more.  The family situation has not changed and we've officially handed that over to God, He knows our hearts and he will work this out in his time. We continue to spend time with Steves grandma and his uncle and aunt and cousin when she's in town. They are all a huge blessing in our life. Steves grandma has such a huge heart and she calls me at least once a week and just makes me giggle. But she is also a worrier and I pray for her comfort daily. We also enjoy time with Tommy, Mae and jer. Not as much as we use to but Steve still talks to them regularly. I'm praying for good friendships in my life, encouraging Godly woman I'm also praying for this in Steves life as well, good Godly men....much needed! We've almost officially been here a year and wow has the year flown right past, and hey I don't want to run away!!! No really God is good and he brought us here and he is blessing us more then we could ever ask for. He knows the plans He has for us and I'm just waiting to see what those plans are. Like I said I'm trying to focus on the positives everyday and understand tomorrow is another day and its a fresh start. Things happen everyday, unpaid bills, tantrums, sickness, broken flower pots, sinks that dont drain, leaking furnace, blown up vehicles, vehicle repairs,  dumb animals, broken hearts, unkind people, leaking shower, stinky dirty carpet, dishes piled to the ceiling, laundry piles and yet God is good and we have our health and each other and what an amazing AMAZING feeling to know still tomorrow the sun will shine and fresh flowers will bloom. 

So get out and enjoy the day!!

Eek is it Monday already

Let me just be the first to say it, it's too early to be up. Not a great morning for waking up slowly. Barking dogs at 730a.m and a kid running around like a crazy person due to the dogs barking is no fun let me tell you. Two boys were once again at our door asking to use our phone, happy to help, however my dogs are....in the nicest terms possibly not smart! And oh allergies, guess it's time to suck it up and purchase Nasonex, an expense I hold off on as long as possible. Over all I need lots of coffee to get through this morning and to simply WAKE UP!

It's been a long time since I felt like sitting here and blogging it up. But this morning I felt it was time to catch up. 

We had a pretty great weekend. Attended a different church, we visited there twice before but yesterday felt different, yesterday felt like it was home. And that was an amazing feeling. We need that feeling when were at church. The people are so friendly, but we've always felt so welcome at all the churches we have visited here, people are so welcoming! The worship was nice and the message was just what I needed to hear. One draw back...Trent was the only kid under 10 and that was completely sad to me. He asks all week to go to church to see his friends and this past Sunday he had none ;( Hoping it was just an off Sunday for kids or something cause he needs to enjoy church as much as us. Love having him excited and asking to go and we want that to continue. I'm excited to try to get involved, they offer men and woman Bible studies and I'm excited to go!!! I need that time with other Christian woman and I cant wait! 

After church we had to return our rental car....sad to have my heated seats leave me...wanted to tear them out and install them in our truck...SO NICE!!!! Then we enjoyed some time as a family out and about in Dubious. We had a great day! 

Saturday was sorta a rough day with Rylees Mom. I'm trying so hard to keep my communication with her open but it's becoming very hard as she feels so entitled to this little girl and her demands seem high in getting what is rightfully hers. I just struggle so hard with why? Why do you want her back SO much and feel so entitled to her and yet it's been a month since you've seen her??? And she's yet to make the moves needed to get her back and yet still says, I've hired a lawyer and he says I'm getting her back! As I've said all along our goal is to get Rylee back home with her Mom, and I stand by that, but why can't she see what a precious little miracle this little girl is and want her and want to do what is best for her instead of simply wanting what is hers. Blood doesn't make you a parent, giving birth to a child doesn't make you a parent, putting your childs needs first, loving them unconditionally, financially and emotionally supporting them and being there for them makes you a parent. Something some people will never understand. This is definitely a learning process and each case will be different but it should get easier in knowing what to expect, go figure out first case is different then the norm! Praying for constant peace, God is in control and he will put little Rylee where she needs to be. Also praying for words, the right words to say when needed and duck tape when silence is the answer. 

Friday we were blessed to get a new to us vehicle. A truck. We've been praying and praying about a new vehicle every since Steves explorer blew up. And I can't say it enough but what a God thing this whole situation has been from the beginning. The day Steve and Tommy went out to the woods they had two locations they were going to visit, the one was remote with no cell service and no one else would be around. The second was where Tommys wife was out logging with his employee. Nothing was wrong with the vehicle up to this point let me add. But God new we couldn't afford a new transmission, there's no possible way we could have afforded that bill. So God decided just to blow it up!!! Funny to say it but thank you Jesus!!! With Tommy on crutches I just can't praise God enough for having those boys at the right place at the right time when this happened...a GOD thing! Since then our insurance company has been amazing! We got our vehicle check in a timely matter and a check for some of the contents (cell phones and an ipod), we also had a great rental car while we waited for the check and found a vehicle. We now are in the process of deciding to claim home owners on all the tools and hunting gear Steve lost as well. Paper work is filled out so now for Erie to view it and for us to decide if after the deductible and if our insurance possibly will go up if it's worth claiming. I have no doubt God will take care of us with this as well, he knows our situation and knows weather or not we need those things replaced right now. Its amazing that through this all I've never once felt sad about losing our vehicle and gaining this extra stress, God is fully taking care of us and opening doors for our needs. 

Nothing else really new...besides our new visitors, FLEAS! Yes its that season again, apparently! So back to that pain. ROLLING MY EYES RIGHT NOW!! 

I've felt so much peace lately. Peace in knowing we are where God wants us and knowing he's taking care of us. Yes I have my days and I question why, but then God reassures me in some way that he is in control. We've gone through some obstacles since moving here and currently those things are at bay and I can't thank God enough for taking those worries from me and giving me the peace that passes ALL understanding! Its more about me giving control to him instead of constantly trying to fight the battles myself, a battle I was and continue to lose if I don't put it all over to God. We've lost some family friendships and I'm at peace with that. I know God knows our hearts and I know he's lead others into our lives to fill that void. He's also showed us a new church where we will be making new friendships I'm sure. 

And hey it's spring and I know the warmer weather is coming!!!! Pulling out the flip flops and putting a smile on my face. While cold days are currently still here I'm gonna wear my flippies around my house and know God is bringing on the sunshine and warmer days to cheer us all up!!!! 

Fostering...Ups and downs or it all.

Sweet little Rylee. A sweet 8 month little girl. How you are teaching me patience and understanding. 

We have now had Rylee almost 4 months and it definitely seems much longer. I loved the thought of getting into fostering. Helping little children and their families when needed most. I know this is a God thing cause I requested NO babies and Rylee is our first foster child and yes shes definitely a baby. Why do we always have to learn the hard way? Trent was such an easy baby. Never cried. Followed a sleeping and eating schedule. Wasn't needy. He was lazy and quiet. I could get anything done and it was almost like he wasn't even there. EASY! And while he's changed quite a bit since then I had it easy in his early years. Rylee though....she's a hand full. She whines all the time. She demands attentions all the time. Cries through almost every feeding cause she's not getting it fast enough. She blows raspberry's during eating and does this coughing thing spitting her food every where. We now have to strap her in her high chair and put her hands under her tray or she sways back and forth and swings her arms every where hitting the spoon every time. Shes has ants in her pants. Wont lay still for any kind of clothing or diaper change. She sticks everything in her mouth!!! She finds the smallest piece of dirt on the floor and in her mouth it goes. Telling her "no"...HA! She actually laughs at you! Oh she's a stinker!!! While I'm vacuuming I'm finding she needs to be sitting in either her bouncy or her swing cause she crawls right to my cords and chews away like a little puppy. Needless to say she is quite the handful. 

It's been hard adjusting to her being here. Trying to tell myself I can't get over attached and yet finding I've done the exact opposite in trying to protect myself from getting hurt. I love having her here. It will be very hard to watch her leave. But most days by the end of the day I just can't wait for bed time! I feel like she defly feels my disconnect from her and maybe there's stress felt there?! I don't know. She is such a sweetie and can brighten your day when she smiles, but her whining and crying...oh I can't even explain how that goes through me. I now have a greater sympathy for moms dealing with colicie babies. I'm just trying to learn patience in understanding. She was brought into our home to love and to be cared for and that is what I am here to do and want to do it well. I don't want to feel disconnected from every child that enters our home. I don't want to feel like I'm simply babysitting. I want them to feel like they are apart of our family. Yes I don't want the pain of watching them leave in the end but I almost would rather that then this disconnect. 

My relationship with Rylees mom has also had to take a back burner. This is all a learning process for Steve and I and with this being our first family I'm hoping we'll learn and grow as we go. The foster agency raves about us and how we have opened our home to not only Rylee but also to her mom. However I think her mom isn't going to understand boundaries very well. She's getting out in two weeks and yes she knows where we live, and I'm concerned in her not wanting CYS involved with our visits that she may think our relationship will allow me to want to break the rules for her. I'm finding out quickly how she works things and in that I'm having to distance myself from our conversations, which to her makes her mad, but it's needed. I'm trying to be there for her and be encouraging but to also follow rules I have to follow as a foster parents and to just simply have boundaries and she's not understanding that very well. All a learning process. I'm just hoping she will understand and not make me need to set up stronger boundaries in her wanting to be with her daughter, demanding her rights as mom! 

So over all I'm still finding this a huge blessing in my life. Learning patience, kindness and understanding. And I know God has brought this into our lives for a learning tool and to show others how loving God is through us. Days can be rough and it's hard fostering and I don't think that part will necessarily get easier, but I do think God will equip us with the tools needed when needed for doing this. Two months from now the court will decide if Rylees mom is a fit mom to have her daughter back and that will be a hard day. A day that I will need to put full faith in God that he is in control and placing Rylee where she needs to be and that she will be safe. This isn't a job for everyone and honestly some days I wonder if I'm the one for this job...however I know God lead us to this and he is seeing us through. 

Healing my broken spirit.

Good Morning everyone!

Brrrrrrr what a chilly morning. My feet are still freezing after taking Trent to school 20 minutes ago. You know it's cold when my crazy barking puppies wont even stay out to bark at every moving object that passes. Happy for coffee to warm me up and make me bright eyed and bushy tailed =) Now to pour some coffee on our frozen truck door so I don't have to hurdle Rylee in her car seat over Trents car seat just to drive two minutes down the road. Happy for a warm house which is happily set at 72 and yes I'm sorta like an old person in that way, I need it toasty or my feet free and my joints suffer. Our fuel company loves me, and so does my hubby who works hard to pay that bill for me to stay warm. What a wonderful man I have! 

Feeling very good this morning. Haven't felt like this in weeks. Sorta been letting life consume me. Never felt like I would be like that. I've always been proud of how strong I am and how much I feel I can endure and still hold my head up thanking God for all my blessings. Not lately though. I got to the point I felt so consumed all I wanted to do was curl up on my couch and sleep. Couldn't even find the energy to do anything, nor did I want to. I got so weak I felt like I would fall with every step I tried to make. I put on a great front to the world but inside I have been crumbling lately. I've let my need to be in prayer drift to the way side and even have felt sorta angry at God for how I've been feeling. I let one thing add on to another and another and the weight became too much. It's my controlling side. I think about everyone, everything and for some reason think it's on me to think about how to fix it all. God is really trying hard to grab me and shake me and say RELY ON ME!!!!! Feeling sorta stupid. Why when I need God the most do I try harder to do it myself?! I'm still struggling to get back into seeking God and Pray to him to help me, I don't get that. I know I need him and I know I need that time with him. And yet it's like my mind wont do it! Never felt like I needed prayer more from others as I do now. I need God to grab me harder and shake me and shake the stubborn side out. I need him and he's trying in every way to teach me that. I know that even in my rough days someone has it worse and I need to focus on God and all the blessings he has given to me and I even need to thank him for the tribulations, cause they are there for a reason and he is in control of things even in those times and is working all things together for HIS purpose. I must say though, I am glad I know God because without him I cannot imagine enduring things and feeling hopeless and to not see an end in site, yes sometimes I feel like that but I know God has a purpose and one day maybe I'll understand it all. God is good and I know that even in the midst of my darkest days. He loves me and that's enough. 

I'm thankful once again for my parents. For my mom taking my tearful phone call on Saturday and lifting my broken spirit.  For hearing what I was saying and understanding. For basically hugging me through the phone. I needed a shoulder to cry on and while all I got was a phone call it helped. And it also helped to just release those feelings and to cry it out. I've been very appreciative lately for what I had living so close to my parents before. With being so far away from my support system it's been hard. To never get a break from life when I need it now is hard. I love being a stay at home mom and love doing what I do, but some days every once in a while it's nice to have a break and that is something I no longer get living a part from family and friends. However my parents are amazing and they offered to come and get me and the kids and take us for a mini vacation at their house....next week!!!! Steve and I and the kids did get to get out on Sunday and leave things behind for a little and just have family time and that defly helped a million!!! I also got to spend sometime out at ladies night Saturday night with ladies from our church, and while I was feeling very down while there, I got to laugh a little in a game we played and that helped lift my spirits. I also came home and talked to my husband who gave me a listening ear which I so needed. I'm also again thankful for two other people. My friend Tiffany who while we barely ever speak through an actual conversation is there through hundred of my texts and lifts my mommy spirit when days aren't going so well. I miss her dearly and it makes me tear up when I think of our friendship and the years we've had such a close friendship and now being so far away we still are trying hard to preserve that. And Mae...I'm thankful for our couponing time together, yes I'm giggling writing that. But it's time out, once a week with another woman. An outlet. A shopping spree!!! Yes to me it's like a huge wonderful shopping spree. I'm addicted to a deal! I'm thankful for Mae and Tommy and how we support each other and are there for each other when needed most! 

So this week my goal is to get into Gods word! Read a good Christian book. PRAY! Seek God and allow him to work in me. Get my broken spirit healed. Dry my tears...get up and hold my head high. Listen to worship music all the time!!!!